Finally, a little progress!
I'm just a little unwell
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: USA
Posts: 2,219
Finally, a little progress!
Y'all have listened to me whine, stress out, freak out, and generally rant on more than one occasion so I thought it only fair that I come here with a bit of good news!
You may or may not remember my post from a few weeks ago about how I felt on my 100th day. Well, I'm somewhere around day 114 now (I try not to obsess over days but it's easy to calculate so I usually can figure it up quickly) and, while I still have my moments, yesterday I realized that I'm actually feeling a little better. For example, I was at the grocery yesterday and it was the first time in a long time that I didn't freak out and almost have a panic attack when I had to walk past the beer. They have the beer in the same place as all the chips, snacks, and frozen foods so I can't just skip that part of the store! I actually barely even glanced at it yesterday. And my cravings have cut WAY down. It's probably been a couple of weeks since I had an honest-to-god URGE - and let me tell you, that is a relief!!! Even work was better last weekend, and it's usually a huge trigger for me just because it's across the street from my old favorite liquor store. I usually spend my time there in the middle of an anxiety attack, being distracted by the fact that it would be oh-so-easy to just make a quick stop over there... but not last weekend.
These are small steps, I know, but they are encouraging to me. I've not been obsessing about not drinking the past couple of weeks and it's been a welcome change. Obsessing about NOT drinking is almost as tiring as obsessing about drinking!
I've also started to become more at peace with the fact that I can never drink again. I'm not sure why the change there; maybe it's a "time heals all wounds" thing. Maybe some part of me is just tired of fighting it anymore. Maybe these recovery books I bought are finally sinking in. Whatever the reason, it's nice not to have to worry about it or wonder. I simply know I can not and will not drink alcohol anymore.
Sure, there are other things causing me a fair amount of distress, but - at least right now - none of them are all-consuming.
So maybe I'm finally hitting a point where things will start getting better. I have a long way to go, and a lot of work to do, but at least things are finally heading in the right direction.
Thank you, from the bottom of my very grateful heart, to each and every one of you for continually being here for me. I will never be able to express fully how much it means to me.
You may or may not remember my post from a few weeks ago about how I felt on my 100th day. Well, I'm somewhere around day 114 now (I try not to obsess over days but it's easy to calculate so I usually can figure it up quickly) and, while I still have my moments, yesterday I realized that I'm actually feeling a little better. For example, I was at the grocery yesterday and it was the first time in a long time that I didn't freak out and almost have a panic attack when I had to walk past the beer. They have the beer in the same place as all the chips, snacks, and frozen foods so I can't just skip that part of the store! I actually barely even glanced at it yesterday. And my cravings have cut WAY down. It's probably been a couple of weeks since I had an honest-to-god URGE - and let me tell you, that is a relief!!! Even work was better last weekend, and it's usually a huge trigger for me just because it's across the street from my old favorite liquor store. I usually spend my time there in the middle of an anxiety attack, being distracted by the fact that it would be oh-so-easy to just make a quick stop over there... but not last weekend.
These are small steps, I know, but they are encouraging to me. I've not been obsessing about not drinking the past couple of weeks and it's been a welcome change. Obsessing about NOT drinking is almost as tiring as obsessing about drinking!
I've also started to become more at peace with the fact that I can never drink again. I'm not sure why the change there; maybe it's a "time heals all wounds" thing. Maybe some part of me is just tired of fighting it anymore. Maybe these recovery books I bought are finally sinking in. Whatever the reason, it's nice not to have to worry about it or wonder. I simply know I can not and will not drink alcohol anymore.
Sure, there are other things causing me a fair amount of distress, but - at least right now - none of them are all-consuming.
So maybe I'm finally hitting a point where things will start getting better. I have a long way to go, and a lot of work to do, but at least things are finally heading in the right direction.
Thank you, from the bottom of my very grateful heart, to each and every one of you for continually being here for me. I will never be able to express fully how much it means to me.
peaceful seabird
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: floating
Posts: 4,822
Awesome post!
Thanks you for sharing about your progress. I know you have been struggling and it is good to see that you "feel" better about the changes you are making. I bet you feel lighter now that some of the burden of getting through the day (store) has eased up.
I've seen other senior SR members use the word 'relief' about their recovery and I am finally getting the true depth of the meaning of 'relief' in my recovery. Looks like you are too!
One thing is for sure, you are an asset to the SR community. You have been open and honest about each of the struggles in your recovery. Your personal growth is journaled here on a regular basis. You are the poster child of success for reaching out!
:ghug3
Thanks you for sharing about your progress. I know you have been struggling and it is good to see that you "feel" better about the changes you are making. I bet you feel lighter now that some of the burden of getting through the day (store) has eased up.
I've seen other senior SR members use the word 'relief' about their recovery and I am finally getting the true depth of the meaning of 'relief' in my recovery. Looks like you are too!
One thing is for sure, you are an asset to the SR community. You have been open and honest about each of the struggles in your recovery. Your personal growth is journaled here on a regular basis. You are the poster child of success for reaching out!
:ghug3
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 31,179
I'm so glad you are seeing progress!!! People have asked me "when does it get better" and it wasn't like I could pinpoint a day, it was more of a gradual thing. I'd just realize, one day "hey, I've had some good days!! wow!!"
You HAVE been an asset to SR, and I'm glad you're here. We think that coming here, when we're struggling is whining all the time. It's not...it's sharing what we're going through and it's comforting to others who are going through the same thing to know they're not alone. Then, when we start feeling better, they can see that there's hope.
Hugs and prayers!
Amy
You HAVE been an asset to SR, and I'm glad you're here. We think that coming here, when we're struggling is whining all the time. It's not...it's sharing what we're going through and it's comforting to others who are going through the same thing to know they're not alone. Then, when we start feeling better, they can see that there's hope.
Hugs and prayers!
Amy
Leap of Faith Survivor
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 4,555
Tryingsohard, I am so darn happy for you!
I remember how grateful and relieved I felt when I realized, after I had some recovery time under my belt, that I could 'exhale a little'...you owe it all to you
I remember how grateful and relieved I felt when I realized, after I had some recovery time under my belt, that I could 'exhale a little'...you owe it all to you
I'm just a little unwell
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: USA
Posts: 2,219
Originally Posted by Impurrfect 
it wasn't like I could pinpoint a day, it was more of a gradual thing. I'd just realize, one day "hey, I've had some good days!! wow!!"
It definitely feels like whining sometimes when I post, but it NEVER feels that way when I read other people's posts. Odd how I always focus negativity on myself...
Part of why I love this site so much is the reassurance that I'm not alone, and I'm not crazy. I'm just addicted, and there ARE people out there who understand and know what I'm going through. That is SUCH a comfort.
So again, thank you.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2009
Posts: 1,385
That is fantastic! I myself will be at one week by the end of the day. I have had a few minor cravings but I am afraid that there will be times when they are overwhelming. I'm sticking to ODAAT because I know it works. That and SR. I really believe this place is my one main source for strength. Thanks TSH for that beautiful message. It instills hope in all of us here who struggle with addiction.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2008
Location: East Coast
Posts: 437
TSH-
I am so glad you are feeling better. I can't relate to everything you say I just can't say it as well. I have been saying lately that I am starting to feel ok not actually good but I can take ok for a while. I am almost at 6 months so it does take some time. I was told in the beginning to give it a year and if I still was that unhappy then have a drink. I used that to get through some hard times like Christmas but I am coming to terms that I can't drink again. The self esteem and dignity that I lost while drinking is unbelievable. If I can get that back I think that will help.
As others have said you are the poster child and I can relate to most of your posts. Thanks for posting.
I am so glad you are feeling better. I can't relate to everything you say I just can't say it as well. I have been saying lately that I am starting to feel ok not actually good but I can take ok for a while. I am almost at 6 months so it does take some time. I was told in the beginning to give it a year and if I still was that unhappy then have a drink. I used that to get through some hard times like Christmas but I am coming to terms that I can't drink again. The self esteem and dignity that I lost while drinking is unbelievable. If I can get that back I think that will help.
As others have said you are the poster child and I can relate to most of your posts. Thanks for posting.
ghug3
Member
Join Date: Jan 2009
Posts: 1,141
Congrats TSH, what an accomplishment! That is wonderful! I am glad that things are becoming easier. I agree the obsession about not drinking is on a par up there with the obsession over drinking, so great to know it finally does let up at some point. 
It's time to change!
Join Date: Nov 2008
Location: lake tahoe
Posts: 1,025
Kudos and congrats TSH.... big time!
Your posting this really give the newcomers inspiration and hope in our journey of sobriety! God willing (and He is), I will have 7 days by the end of the day. I've already seen progress and rays of hope shining through! So glad you are here and the entire SR family!
A great big shout out to my friend KENL.... yay, we are doing it!!!!
Hugs! :ghug2
Your posting this really give the newcomers inspiration and hope in our journey of sobriety! God willing (and He is), I will have 7 days by the end of the day. I've already seen progress and rays of hope shining through! So glad you are here and the entire SR family!
A great big shout out to my friend KENL.... yay, we are doing it!!!!
Hugs! :ghug2
Resident Awesome Guy
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Castle Pines, CO
Posts: 747
TSH,
Thanks for the awesome post. You give someone like me who is going on day 4 hope that this sobriety thing is actually attainable. Please continue to post everyday as your story helps me shape mine.
Thanks for the awesome post. You give someone like me who is going on day 4 hope that this sobriety thing is actually attainable. Please continue to post everyday as your story helps me shape mine.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2008
Posts: 1,055
TSH~ I'm so happy to see this post =) You are one of the people here that I've followed since I joined, something about you connects with me. I'm so proud of you! Something I've notice is that my cravings may be pretty much gone, but the emotional part of this is a BEAR to deal with. That is when I'm thankful for people like you who understand it's not JUST about drinking, but so much more~
fearless_and_thorough_in_ SoDak
Join Date: Dec 2008
Location: Sioux Falls, South Dakota
Posts: 17
Originally Posted by TryingSoHard
You may or may not remember my post from a few weeks ago about how I felt on my 100th day. Well, I'm somewhere around day 114 now (I try not to obsess over days but it's easy to calculate so I usually can figure it up quickly) and, while I still have my moments, yesterday I realized that I'm actually feeling a little better. For example, I was at the grocery yesterday and it was the first time in a long time that I didn't freak out and almost have a panic attack when I had to walk past the beer. They have the beer in the same place as all the chips, snacks, and frozen foods so I can't just skip that part of the store! I actually barely even glanced at it yesterday. And my cravings have cut WAY down. It's probably been a couple of weeks since I had an honest-to-god URGE - and let me tell you, that is a relief!!! Even work was better last weekend, and it's usually a huge trigger for me just because it's across the street from my old favorite liquor store. I usually spend my time there in the middle of an anxiety attack, being distracted by the fact that it would be oh-so-easy to just make a quick stop over there... but not last weekend.
These are small steps, I know, but they are encouraging to me. I've not been obsessing about not drinking the past couple of weeks and it's been a welcome change. Obsessing about NOT drinking is almost as tiring as obsessing about drinking!
I've also started to become more at peace with the fact that I can never drink again. I'm not sure why the change there; maybe it's a "time heals all wounds" thing. Maybe some part of me is just tired of fighting it anymore. Maybe these recovery books I bought are finally sinking in. Whatever the reason, it's nice not to have to worry about it or wonder. I simply know I can not and will not drink alcohol anymore.
Sure, there are other things causing me a fair amount of distress, but - at least right now - none of them are all-consuming.
So maybe I'm finally hitting a point where things will start getting better. I have a long way to go, and a lot of work to do, but at least things are finally heading in the right direction.
Thank you, from the bottom of my very grateful heart, to each and every one of you for continually being here for me. I will never be able to express fully how much it means to me.
thanks for reminding me that "this too shall pass"
I'm just a little unwell
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: USA
Posts: 2,219
Originally Posted by Mariposa18
the emotional part of this is a BEAR to deal with. That is when I'm thankful for people like you who understand it's not JUST about drinking, but so much more~
I'm just a little unwell
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: USA
Posts: 2,219
So I just got home from my first trip to the gym in 2 months. I FINALLY made it back in! I told myself that when the kids went back to school on January 5 I'd start going again... yeah... what day is it? 
But I went, and I worked hard, and guess what? It felt really good. I'm disappointed in myself that I waited this long to start going back, and that I've backtracked a bit from where I was just a few months ago, but I did it before and I can do it again. Like my trainer used to tell me, "Ain't nothin' to it but to do it!"
I hope I can hang on to this good feeling for just a little while. It's been so long since I felt good. I don't want it to go away just yet.
But I went, and I worked hard, and guess what? It felt really good. I'm disappointed in myself that I waited this long to start going back, and that I've backtracked a bit from where I was just a few months ago, but I did it before and I can do it again. Like my trainer used to tell me, "Ain't nothin' to it but to do it!"
I hope I can hang on to this good feeling for just a little while. It's been so long since I felt good. I don't want it to go away just yet.
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