All alone again first week in March.
Looking For Myself...Sober
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: Where the heart is
Posts: 10,209
All alone again first week in March.
Last year when everyone went to Florida for a week. I had almost 3 mos clean.
As soon as they left out the house. I was high before they even got off the ground I am sure.
This time my grams is going with them. She went to my other aunts for the week last year.
I am not really worried yet. But I am not taking it too lightly either. I am on the same clean time as last year. I stopped around the same time. And dont plan on getting high at all.
My mind hasnt even been thinking about it much lately.
I really hate obsessing about it. Both ways. Over using and staying clean. It just gets so old after awhile. And honestly. For me. Obsessing in recovery is just as bad as using.
I am just going about life like a half way normal person anymore.
Looking forward to paying bills and saving money.
Its not a panic every payday. Except top get my bills paid.
Next payday and I have to pay my last ticket. And I will be 100% completely done with all legal obligations steming from my use.
I like my job. And my boss and everyone I work with knows they can count on me. LOL..ME??!!! I am reliable. Imagine that!
Anyway. I havent been needy in awhile. But just be warned when that time comes. When my family is all going to Florida. I may just be a needy psycho chick for a week. I always have my other cousin. He isnt going. And I have no problems invading his house and crashing for a night or two if I feel the need.
At least I know I wont be left to grinding my wheels all alone.
As soon as they left out the house. I was high before they even got off the ground I am sure.
This time my grams is going with them. She went to my other aunts for the week last year.
I am not really worried yet. But I am not taking it too lightly either. I am on the same clean time as last year. I stopped around the same time. And dont plan on getting high at all.
My mind hasnt even been thinking about it much lately.
I really hate obsessing about it. Both ways. Over using and staying clean. It just gets so old after awhile. And honestly. For me. Obsessing in recovery is just as bad as using.
I am just going about life like a half way normal person anymore.
Looking forward to paying bills and saving money.
Its not a panic every payday. Except top get my bills paid.
Next payday and I have to pay my last ticket. And I will be 100% completely done with all legal obligations steming from my use.
I like my job. And my boss and everyone I work with knows they can count on me. LOL..ME??!!! I am reliable. Imagine that!
Anyway. I havent been needy in awhile. But just be warned when that time comes. When my family is all going to Florida. I may just be a needy psycho chick for a week. I always have my other cousin. He isnt going. And I have no problems invading his house and crashing for a night or two if I feel the need.
At least I know I wont be left to grinding my wheels all alone.
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,759
You know you can always come here for love and support! Do whatever it takes to get thru the days, whether it be staying with someone you trust or just being online a lot. You can make it. Stay close if you need to. Whatever it takes.:ghug3
Resident Awesome Guy
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Castle Pines, CO
Posts: 747
If you need to email me even at work you can. I remember the last time my wife and kids left. I was drunk every night. During the weekend, I pulled all the blinds closed so no one could see or if someone came over, they would think i was out. The difference now is that if they went away I dont want to drink and I have this support group to talk to if cravings arise. If you were you, I would start planing some things to do while they are gone. See what is going on in your area that is inexpensive to do. Volunteer somewhere to occupy the time. Anything but just sit and let the cravings start. Remember, we are always here.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 31,179
((Trish))
You aren't the same person you were a year ago...not by a long shot. Keep up with you thread on the good things..if you need to, print up some of those posts of the really good days you've had, like when you've spent time with family, had a blast watching your cousins and your uncle made you laugh so hard your sides hurt. Put those posts on your wall and read them every day. Plan a way where you're money will be conveniently spent on paying bills and you won't have much left over...just enough for a steak or some cheeseburgers
You can do it...I have faith in you.
Hugs and prayers!
Amy
You aren't the same person you were a year ago...not by a long shot. Keep up with you thread on the good things..if you need to, print up some of those posts of the really good days you've had, like when you've spent time with family, had a blast watching your cousins and your uncle made you laugh so hard your sides hurt. Put those posts on your wall and read them every day. Plan a way where you're money will be conveniently spent on paying bills and you won't have much left over...just enough for a steak or some cheeseburgers
You can do it...I have faith in you.
Hugs and prayers!
Amy
member
Join Date: Feb 2008
Posts: 2,433
Instead of obsessing about it (ugh), why don't you look at other options? Any chance you could tag along with them? - a week in Florida sounds like fun! 
Or maybe you could just plan a quiet week - rent movies, have a friend from work come over, cook something you like... If you don't want to get into trouble, don't go looking for it. I agree with Amy, this is NOT last year. You learned from your experience... Maybe you could use this second chance to prove to yourself that you can, indeed, do it.
BTW, I think it's great that you're thinking about the situation. I don't think you're being obsessive, you're just valuing your sobriety
Or maybe you could just plan a quiet week - rent movies, have a friend from work come over, cook something you like... If you don't want to get into trouble, don't go looking for it. I agree with Amy, this is NOT last year. You learned from your experience... Maybe you could use this second chance to prove to yourself that you can, indeed, do it.
BTW, I think it's great that you're thinking about the situation. I don't think you're being obsessive, you're just valuing your sobriety
Looking For Myself...Sober
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: Where the heart is
Posts: 10,209
Nope...Cant go. No money. My aunt is paying for my grams. I wish I could go.
I am planning on going to Palm Beach again for my best friends daughters graduation in 2010. That will be an accomplishment to go home and not get into the BS.
I am just going to go about my business as usual and if I get itchy ass. I am going to let soemone know. believe that.
I was so anxious to get high the last time I was sick the whole time going to get it. But I was planning that relapse for weeks. They couldnt leave fast enough. I had mad change saved too and a pay check. They came back to me being jobless again and looking pitiful. What a joke. I set myself up last yeare. On purpose. Not this time tho.
At this very moment I have totally had it with the BS. I have no desire to to see anyone over there or go anywhere near there. I dont want to get high. I am just really over it for now. I havent felt this over it ever I dont think.
But thats now. Its always good to plan tho.
I am pretty sure I will be ok. But you never know. I never know. LOL. Ya know?
I am planning on going to Palm Beach again for my best friends daughters graduation in 2010. That will be an accomplishment to go home and not get into the BS.
I am just going to go about my business as usual and if I get itchy ass. I am going to let soemone know. believe that.
I was so anxious to get high the last time I was sick the whole time going to get it. But I was planning that relapse for weeks. They couldnt leave fast enough. I had mad change saved too and a pay check. They came back to me being jobless again and looking pitiful. What a joke. I set myself up last yeare. On purpose. Not this time tho.
At this very moment I have totally had it with the BS. I have no desire to to see anyone over there or go anywhere near there. I dont want to get high. I am just really over it for now. I havent felt this over it ever I dont think.
But thats now. Its always good to plan tho.
I am pretty sure I will be ok. But you never know. I never know. LOL. Ya know?
I'm just a girl
Join Date: Jan 2009
Posts: 170
You are so much stronger than you give yourself credit for. I am pretty new to this board and have been going back in forth with my soberiety. I see you all across these boards encouraging people, coming here when you need encouragment and just fighting the good fight. Inspirational, I tell ya!
Leap of Faith Survivor
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 4,555
yup, I agree with the others, Trish,you're a different girl now, but you are wise to be protective of your sobriety and aware of the pitfalls...stick close like glue to us when you need to, stay busy, and keep your friends close and you should make it through okay...I think you will do great but I'm biased
...
... It's time to change!
Join Date: Nov 2008
Location: lake tahoe
Posts: 1,025
Could be quite interesting you being a needy, psycho chick for a week!!!! Looking forward to it actually! LOL
You've got a ton of support here -- you know that! I feel ya with your thoughts on when your family leaves. You've got a lot of great things in place in your life. Thank God for that! Got a good game plan in place???
You've got a ton of support here -- you know that! I feel ya with your thoughts on when your family leaves. You've got a lot of great things in place in your life. Thank God for that! Got a good game plan in place???
Member
Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: UK
Posts: 18,299
Hi Trish, it is good to be aware a potential trigger time is coming up as long as you don't obsess about it, like you said...you are already making plans for how to deal with it. This is all good stuff!
I don't mean to sound flippant but I would put money on you being just fine. You seem to have got your head together lately.
Just know you won't use.
I don't mean to sound flippant but I would put money on you being just fine. You seem to have got your head together lately.
Just know you won't use.
Too far from the beach
Join Date: Nov 2008
Posts: 387
Listen Chynita,
I am the queen of being alone. I am alone 5 days a week. I hang out with my two cute Labradoodle pups all day. My son is in college and my husband travels 5 days a week. I try to keep up my strength by being busy busy busy. I get up in the morning, check my email, take my pills, coffee and read this board. Than I look at my task list. I wrote it a few weeks ago after a post that gave me a good idea. Here it is (no particular order). These are things I need to do everyday. I check them off as I go.
1. do one thing to improve my looks ( I look like crap after years of drinking. I used to be real pretty and skinny)
2. Do one thing to make me a better person (reach out to someone, help someone. etc.)
3. Clean something
4. Show my husband how much I love him
5. study my craft (I am am software trainer and need to keep up on the latest technology)
6. Read something sexy. (lost a lot of desire from drinking and taking my medication for cravings and antidepressants)
7. REad an article or book on drinking to keep me from being complacent about my sobriety.
8. Get in some exercise
This is my personal list. I usually pick off anywhere from 5-7 of these every day. These are things that I personally thought would help my life become better. Make your own list but be realistic with it. Maybe over time, you can modify it and increase the level of achievement. I am going to add one thing to mine today:
9. Learn a new word every day.
This may also be a good time to meditate and mentally work things out. Don't be a victim of being alone. You must embrace it and do some things for yourself. I actually enjoy being by myself since I have the freedom to watch any movie I please, eat foods I love that my husband won't eat, don't HAVE to clean since ain't nobody here to see the mess, make my own schedule, etc... I also have 20 million hobbies like inline skating (racing), piano, guitar, making jewelry, sewing, crochet, painting.
Maybe you should find a new hobby or learn a musical instrument or even a new language. There are PLENTY of things to do alone.
Good luck and email me if you need help.
I am the queen of being alone. I am alone 5 days a week. I hang out with my two cute Labradoodle pups all day. My son is in college and my husband travels 5 days a week. I try to keep up my strength by being busy busy busy. I get up in the morning, check my email, take my pills, coffee and read this board. Than I look at my task list. I wrote it a few weeks ago after a post that gave me a good idea. Here it is (no particular order). These are things I need to do everyday. I check them off as I go.
1. do one thing to improve my looks ( I look like crap after years of drinking. I used to be real pretty and skinny)
2. Do one thing to make me a better person (reach out to someone, help someone. etc.)
3. Clean something
4. Show my husband how much I love him
5. study my craft (I am am software trainer and need to keep up on the latest technology)
6. Read something sexy. (lost a lot of desire from drinking and taking my medication for cravings and antidepressants)
7. REad an article or book on drinking to keep me from being complacent about my sobriety.
8. Get in some exercise
This is my personal list. I usually pick off anywhere from 5-7 of these every day. These are things that I personally thought would help my life become better. Make your own list but be realistic with it. Maybe over time, you can modify it and increase the level of achievement. I am going to add one thing to mine today:
9. Learn a new word every day.
This may also be a good time to meditate and mentally work things out. Don't be a victim of being alone. You must embrace it and do some things for yourself. I actually enjoy being by myself since I have the freedom to watch any movie I please, eat foods I love that my husband won't eat, don't HAVE to clean since ain't nobody here to see the mess, make my own schedule, etc... I also have 20 million hobbies like inline skating (racing), piano, guitar, making jewelry, sewing, crochet, painting.
Maybe you should find a new hobby or learn a musical instrument or even a new language. There are PLENTY of things to do alone.
Good luck and email me if you need help.
Liverpool 19
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Dublin Ireland
Posts: 44
My last binge was one of opportunity my girlfriend was away my parents were away and i can hide from everyone else,my advice is keep yourself occupied movies and meetings and posting and reading keep strong.One further thing obsessing about getting high or drunk is no where near as damaging as actually doing it take care
Member
Join Date: Mar 2005
Posts: 1,947
this isn't going to happen until the first week in march?
if it was me, and in the space i am in right now, I would suspect that my addict self was already trying to get an inside track on trying to lead in to the idea of having a relapse.
I had some NO's in my life today and struggled through them. when i got on the road and was driving home within 15 minutes I found myself in the middle of an urge. I called my (new) sponsor, as i have been doing regularly, and made it home.
so i am in a sensitive and rebuilding state of mind, right now. it is from that point of view that I am saying that "i would be suspect of my addict self already trying to get the lead angle into the time alone that is coming up in march.
anyway chinyty, I don't know you and only offer that for what it's worth: a possibility from someone who is not YOU and who does not kjnow you. I do know that i appreciate the experience that you have shared with me over the last while of my life
keep up the good work
if it was me, and in the space i am in right now, I would suspect that my addict self was already trying to get an inside track on trying to lead in to the idea of having a relapse.
I had some NO's in my life today and struggled through them. when i got on the road and was driving home within 15 minutes I found myself in the middle of an urge. I called my (new) sponsor, as i have been doing regularly, and made it home.
so i am in a sensitive and rebuilding state of mind, right now. it is from that point of view that I am saying that "i would be suspect of my addict self already trying to get the lead angle into the time alone that is coming up in march.
anyway chinyty, I don't know you and only offer that for what it's worth: a possibility from someone who is not YOU and who does not kjnow you. I do know that i appreciate the experience that you have shared with me over the last while of my life
keep up the good work
Forum Leader
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Scottsdale, AZ, one big happy dysfunctional family!
Posts: 23,035
Originally Posted by chiynita 
But just be warned when that time comes. When my family is all going to Florida. I may just be a needy psycho chick for a week.
Just remember that you'll have another year of recovery tools under your belt, I have a feeling you'll do just fine.
Member
Join Date: May 2008
Location: NY
Posts: 6,608
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World Champion Offspring:
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Stallion Show Record for Mr Rusty Zipper
Superior Performance
NSBA money-earner
ROM Performance
Stallion Offspring Record for Mr Rusty Zipper
World Champion Offspring:
Reserve World Champion Offspring:
Top Ten World Show Offspring
Superior Performance Offspring
AQHA Reserve High Point Performance Offspring
AQHA Champion Offspring:
ROM Halter Offspring
ROM Performance Offspring
NSBA Money-earners
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