Why me.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Everywhere I dont wanna be
Posts: 21
Why me.
Hi everyone,
I am here because I have become addicted to Cocaine, Pain killers, and Ectasy. I am here because I am to the point where I just want that sober feeling. I know my body can't take this. I have tried quiting and it last a day and then that urge comes where I need my fix. When I back off one I use more of the other. I am scared , lonely and most of all confused. This isn't were I imagined myself. I wanted to go to college. I know I did this to myself and i hate myself for it. I just need support for this long journey ahead.
Thanks
HT
I am here because I have become addicted to Cocaine, Pain killers, and Ectasy. I am here because I am to the point where I just want that sober feeling. I know my body can't take this. I have tried quiting and it last a day and then that urge comes where I need my fix. When I back off one I use more of the other. I am scared , lonely and most of all confused. This isn't were I imagined myself. I wanted to go to college. I know I did this to myself and i hate myself for it. I just need support for this long journey ahead.
Thanks
HT
Resident
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Toronto, Ontario
Posts: 4,150
Welcome HT. you will get plenty of support here. You might want to see a doctor. There is a section for substance users which might be a help to you also. If you want to beat this you can. Good luck.
Resident Awesome Guy
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Castle Pines, CO
Posts: 747
Ok HT, first off you have come to the right place. Secondly you have come to the right place. Thirdly, you remind me of my past self. I too was addicted to coke and X many years ago when I was in the scene. I too know what it is like to look in the mirror at yourself and have no idea who the person staring back at you is. I even remember what it was like to have your nose bleeding and in so much pain, but still wanted to do that next line. I remember what the come down was like on X, acid, coke, you name it. I remeber having to take Percs and vics just to feel a little normal. I remember having to have my gf, no wife, rub my head till I could fall asleep after being up 48 hours straight. I have been there. All I can say id that once you are truly ready to quit, you will. When I did it, I never searched for websites like this, hell I didnt even know they were around. You need to get rid of any stuff you might still have, lose the number of thre dealer, and surround yourself with those who care about you. It will make all the difference in the world. Please feel free to PM me if you want to talk more. I have sooooooo much experience with that stuff, I may be able to help you some more. You have taken a great first step. Congrats on that and good luck.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Everywhere I dont wanna be
Posts: 21
C23- all I can say is thanks. I actually live in your area which I think is crazy. Yeah I broke down today and had to have my percosets. As for doctor I cant afford one. I know this is the right thing to do.
Resident Awesome Guy
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Castle Pines, CO
Posts: 747
Originally Posted by HT3000 
C23- all I can say is thanks. I actually live in your area which I think is crazy. Yeah I broke down today and had to have my percosets. As for doctor I cant afford one. I know this is the right thing to do.
)
It's time to change!
Join Date: Nov 2008
Location: lake tahoe
Posts: 1,025
Welcome!
You are not alone and it's NOT too late to attain your dreams and goals! We've got to learn how to live sober, which is not something we know how to do on our own. We need the support of others, this forum, some may need medical assistance, some use the 12-step program, etc ... There are resources available to us. We can't fix our disease on our own!!... I know I've tried, and end up failing everytime.
You've done a courageous thing here by reaching out and spilling your guts about your abuse. Huge kudos!
Keep posting, reading and reaching...... You - We - can do this together, friend! Look forward to hearing more from you! All my best shouts out to you!
Hugs, Nicki :ghug3
You are not alone and it's NOT too late to attain your dreams and goals! We've got to learn how to live sober, which is not something we know how to do on our own. We need the support of others, this forum, some may need medical assistance, some use the 12-step program, etc ... There are resources available to us. We can't fix our disease on our own!!... I know I've tried, and end up failing everytime.
You've done a courageous thing here by reaching out and spilling your guts about your abuse. Huge kudos!
Keep posting, reading and reaching...... You - We - can do this together, friend! Look forward to hearing more from you! All my best shouts out to you!
Hugs, Nicki :ghug3
Attitude of Gratitude
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Dayton, Ohio
Posts: 2,305
I first want to welcome you to SR. You've found a place where there is a tremendous amt of love and support from people from all walks of life, literally from all over the world who are reading your post and nodding in agreement with the thoughts and feelings you are having. We have all been there and for this addict/alcoholic, that's comforting.
By the Grace of God, I have been Clean & Sober for 3 1/2 years this Sunday. I started using when I was 11, first put myself in treatment when I was 18, then bounced in and out of clean time for the next 25 years until I finally got Clean & Sober on July 25, 2005 after being miserable for 32 years.
My DOC ( drug of choice) was opiates, in huge amts., but I had my fair share of doing Coke and any other drug that I came across.You see, as an addict, the only way I knew how to handle problems in life, even things like a lightbulb blowing out when I turned the lamp on, was to use. I used to laugh and say that I only used on days that end in "Y."
There are many places you can go for help without any insurance or a doctor. NA and or AA are a great start. The beauty of these Programs is that they don't cost a dime, they're available more times of the day and night than you can imagine and they are ran by people just like us who can give us a hug, look into our eyes and say, "Welcome. I've been there, done that, I understand."
Stick around and don't leave before the miracle happens in your life.
God Bless,
Judy
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Everywhere I dont wanna be
Posts: 21
Thank you all for the help and support. I just revealed it to my best friend. I am gonna get a bunch of help from him. I threw all it away everything to do with drugs gone. I am ready to clean myself up. I know this is not gonna be easy but thanks to all of you and my friend and my family.
Member
Join Date: May 2007
Location: Littleton, Co.
Posts: 3,317
Wow - Is everyone from the Denver area posting on this thread?
HT - you have come to the right place for support and advice, we have all been in similar situations with our addictions.
Nearly 11 months ago I felt like I would never be to the place I am at now, yet, here I am.
Without SR and my Higher Power I would never be where I am right now.
Please keep posting and taking things 1 moment at a time. Feel free to PM me anytime. :ghug3
HT - you have come to the right place for support and advice, we have all been in similar situations with our addictions.
Nearly 11 months ago I felt like I would never be to the place I am at now, yet, here I am.
Without SR and my Higher Power I would never be where I am right now.
Please keep posting and taking things 1 moment at a time. Feel free to PM me anytime. :ghug3
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Everywhere I dont wanna be
Posts: 21
Ok, so heres an update...... As of lastnight I disposed of anything I had left. I told my parents. They are being way more supportive than I thought. My day was pretty bad But the good thing is I didn't use. I went to work for the first time in a week. Helped keep my mind off things. The withdrawal is bad.... really bad. I am going to see if I can go see a doctor here in the next day or so. Thanks Much
HT
HT
hugs, Grateful
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,772
I'm glad you're going to a doctor. I'm glad you found this supportive family. We stay clean and sober by helping others to stay clean and sober. You are in the right place for support and information.
Welcome! You can do this.
:ghug3
Welcome! You can do this.
:ghug3
Resident Awesome Guy
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Castle Pines, CO
Posts: 747
HT,
Getting rid of all that garbage (and thats exactly what it is) is the best thing you could do. I never told my parents about my problem since they lived far away and i didnt want to worry them. Wish I would have. I told my mother about my drinking, and the support is great. Keep doing what your doing and if ya need to talk, hit me up.
Getting rid of all that garbage (and thats exactly what it is) is the best thing you could do. I never told my parents about my problem since they lived far away and i didnt want to worry them. Wish I would have. I told my mother about my drinking, and the support is great. Keep doing what your doing and if ya need to talk, hit me up.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: plano, tx
Posts: 60
You can do it HT. It will be hard but you'll thank yourself and receive lots of love from your friends and family. Sounds like you have a great team behind you. Help is also right here, these guys are the best.
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