sfgirl

Respectfully, I completely disagree. If you can't be completely honest why bother?

I almost laughed reading this because I know you were being sarcastic but you described my experience. I have been to one AA meeting and one LifeRing meeting total in my "recovery career." The LifeRing meeting initially intimidated me because I walked in, a 27 year old female to a room filled with 9 40+ year old men. My share was that I felt completely uncomfortable to the ratio (I have always been sensitive to men in intimate situations) and they actually made me feel so welcome without any creep factor— it was amazing. At the AA meeting it was almost exactly like you said— some people were wasted, one guy was high as a kite and shared likening surrendering to god to popping a pimple, one guy hugged me completely unnecessarily and it was creepy, some girl brought in her yapping dog. But I don't fault AA for that— it is an issue of numbers. There are something like 5 LifeRing meetings a week in San Francisco. There are something like 600 AA meetings. The LifeRing meeting had 10 people at it, the AA meeting in the middle of a Tuesday had 25. AA just puts you in contact with more people, more often. I just need to keep shopping around different AA meetings until I find one that better fits me— this will probably be an all female meeting. There are pros and cons of such a big organization and one pro is that there is probably a niche for most everyone if you are willing to look for it. But to feel that people cannot come here and not be able to honestly discuss what happens and doesn't happen at meetings is dangerous.

yeahgr8

It does sound that some of these AA groups leave a lot to be desired, I only hope there are a lot around for all to find their own meeting that is right for them. I am going to english only meetings in Barcelona, Spain and there are no riff raff at our meetings don't you know. Seriously though i do feel for people that go to meetings with people high and with grubby little men, not good!

AW2486

I sure hope you can attend some more.. so you can compare notes on the first two.

I agree with Pinkcuda.. most folks come here hopeless and desperate. With the only option of F2F contact is AA. they come here and read about somebody’s bad experience with AA, I'm not saying lovinmenow experience wasn't real, but what good can it do for the newcomer in the newcomer forum?

Please remember the other side of the AA fellowship/meetings coin..there are many many many good AA meetings out there with fabulous people in them.

Peace

SelfSeeking

One of my favorite meetings is full of grubby men... Not _only_ grubby men, but people from all walks of life. Some of em look sketchy, but many say incredibly profound things. They struggle with things I never dreamed of but I can still relate. It's been a great experience in looking past exteriors.

Just a little bit of defense for the grubby little men

LosingmyMisery

Personally, I like to leave the theatrics of twisting and bending words behind, to make a point, and prefer leading by example and try making my point by sharing my ES&H. Actions speak louder than words.

mle-sober

I love you guys. This is awesome. It's a little like my favorite AA meeting. A lot of variety. A lot to surprise me.

And, IMHO, it's not about saying something nice, it's about saying something nicely. There's just a huge difference and sometimes people don't seem to have much skill with sharing their experience without putting others down.

Dee74

On behalf of grubby little men everywhere, thanks!
D

yeahgr8

I think that we are all in the same boat, i totally believe class, money, ethnicity etc do not come into it, my post was supposed to be tongue in cheek but if we are being serious for a second i just want to clarify that i do not have that sort of attitude to anyone who is suffering at all. I want all alcoholics to get sober and live happy lives.

Oh cmon stop posting about it now please, i didn't mean it seriously!!!!!!

SelfSeeking

Hehe, I know it, yeah :ghug3

sfgirl

I definitely am going to more meetings. Of course, in no way does one meeting represent a whole, and hopefully it did not seem that I was implying that.

Perhaps a testament to being honest about meetings: as someone who is really sensitive to men in my space (being previously abused) I read about the 13-steppers on here a few weeks before I went to the AA meeting. So when this guy comes up to me outside the venue, in the street, and just starts talking to me, not even in the meeting, out of nowhere hugs me, and says "keep coming back" I was like, oh my gosh, I now totally get what all those people were talking about. I felt violated. Having read about other peoples' similar experiences on SR, I actually feel that I tolerated it better than I would have otherwise. I think if it had come out of nowhere, I would have felt like, why me, why does this always happen, why is even AA tainted? Instead I just thought, ew, creep stay away, and in the forums people had talked about setting boundaries with this specific thing— hugs. Someone had said that she says to people, "if I want a hug I will ask for it." So I started practicing how I was going to say that to the next man that tried that on me. I also realized this was not always going to happen, this was not all men at the meetings, and this was not all meetings, that different meetings can be very different even if they are still AA. So what may have seemed like a "negative" thread on AA actually helped me greatly deal with a negative experience at a meeting. And instead of me blowing it out of perspective and blaming the whole organization, I had more coping tools and was able to see it more for what it was.

SelfSeeking

Nicely said, sf. That matches my experience. I think what can't be emphasized enough is that while all meetings go off the Big Book, they have many different flavors, and that the awesome thing about AA is that being such a big organization, there's a bazillion meetings to choose from (at least in many parts of the country). So if one meeting doesn't fit, try others so as to avoid throwing the baby out with the bathwater.

CarolD

SelfSeeking....

I totally agree about the external being unimportant.

One of my favorite AA memorie from D.C.

I came early to my home group meeting
there sat Mike....listening intently to Princess about Step 4.

Mike was a special assistance to the U.S. President
complete with limo and Secret Service guys.

Princess was 6'4....favored a fake gem stuck on his forhead
and always came to our a.m. meeting in long blue evening dresses.


As much as alcoholism levels social barriers..so does AA