lost44

i am severley depressed , sober for 8 months but despite this my 23 yr old son cut me out of his life for ever last year he had a baby in july but both him and his partner have made it crystal clear i am not her nanny and i will never ever see her , i know they mean it tried letters , family have tried to talk to him but they wont listen . at aa meetings they said give it time but he has told my sister never . he was 15 when my drinking started and depressions and he just wants to move on with his life. i know it was hard for him , but i am devastated and now cant accept it , any replies please

lisa t

hi lost,
i know it is hard but if he needs more time, you have to accept that and keep doing the next right sober thing. you know you have changed and are no longer the alcoholic he grew up with, but you have to give him the time to know it and unfortunately, you can't make it happen any quicker. i know it sucks but hang in there..you ARE doing the right things! i know for me, i've been sober almost two years and there are some people that still have a hard time believing this is a life change for me, not just a whim...please hang in there and have faith..things don't always happen our time but they do happen.
my thoughts and prayers are with you during this difficult time!
Lisa

least

I am so sorry your son is being so cruel. It's really hard to accept that you can do nothing to change this situation - it's up to your son. I'm sorry that I have no words of wisdom, only that it's out of your hands. Congrats on your sober time. Now you must just learn to accept life on life's terms, hard as that is.

Welcome to SR! :ghug3

parentrecovers

nice to meet you, lost. congrats on your sober time! perhaps with time your son will at least allow you some supervised visits - perhaps with another family member or someone he trusts? i know in our country, grandparents can go to court and have grandparent visit rights enforced, but not sure about yours..

stay sober and be patient. and keep posting! hugs, k

lost44

lisa and least thankyou for your reply but i know my son and time will make no difference his partners nan has been a recovering alcholic for years and her uncle was killed by a drink driver . i am so dead inside and depressed dont go out anymore

Anna

I am sorry that you are dealing with this issue. Sadly, when we recover, we have to deal with the problems we created while drinking. You cannot change your sons mind and you can only change how you handle this situation. Live your life and pray for your grandson and son and know that things are working out the way they should.

lost44

no they have moved 200 miles away and they would hate me more if i went to court and i love my son knowing he hates me so much

lost44

im new here today can anyone in same situation please reply feeling really low, dont have a sponser ,seen alot of people looked but only a few replies please help if you can

lost44

thank you to the people that did

Pelican

Welcome to the SR family!

Congratulations on your sober time.

I don't have any advice about your situation with your son. Maybe you'd like to share with us how you got sober and have been able to maintain your sobriety for 8 months.

I enjoy coming here when I can and reading and posting with these wonderful people. They are like family!

We're glad you are here.

shanman422

Hi lost... I am so sorry to hear about your son! You mentioned that he will never let you in his life again... Don't ever lose hope that it may be possible!! In time though! In my opinion, right now try and focus on your recovery! Congratulations on 8 months... that gives me lots of hope!! Today is 91 for me.

If you believe everything happens for a reason, there must be a happy ending to this! Keep believing and hoping and it will come true!

bugsworth

Lost...Welcome. Forever is a long time...people change...as you change and continue your quest for sobriety people will know you are serious. All is not lost. Focus and stay on track...good things will follow.

Haunted

Hey lost... I'm only 21 and so generally have limited helpful advice, but I feel like with your case, being close in age to your son, I can at least provide an insight into being so young...

I get caught up with certain ideas or thoughts... but they don't remain. I've "hated" my parents before... Now I love them unconditionally... there's hope!!!

scaredykat

Hi Lost and welcome to SR. Congrats on 8 months.

I'm sorry for what your going through. I have no advice. I haven't been through that myself. I agree with some of the others to just give it time. Take care.

Aysha

Like Anna said. You cant change others. But you can chnage how you deal with things.
And I know you feel time makes no difference. But in my opinion. Time can heal all wounds. May take a lifetime. But I do believe eventually. All things do take time.
I go through this with my father. He will not speak to me for a year or so. Then he will for about a month. Then it will be something else and he isnt talking to me again.
Been like that most of my life.
It sucks. But I have learned that I can only do my part. Do whats right no matter what. And just be the better person and hopefully someday thigns will come around.
I cant let things like that affect my life too much. Because really ..theres not much I can do about it.
Just keep doing the right thing. And be who you are. Still love those people regardless. Even if it is hard. Do it for yourself.
Doesnt matter if anyone else ever forgives you. You cant do much until you forgive yourself.
Congrats on 8 months. And just keep doing it.

Mariposa18

Lost~ First of all Welcome and congratulations on your Sober time. As far as your Son I can only imagine the pain you must be feeling. I know the hardest thing to do is to not be able to do anything, but this is really a situation were giving him the space and time he needs is really all you can do. 8 months sober is a long time, but to him right now the 8 years is what he's focusing on. He needs to deal with that pain before he is able to accept you as you are now and forgive. But like others said, right now you have to learn to forgive yourself~

James13

Welcome to SR. You will find support here as I have, and you will also find people who have gone through emotions as yourself, regarding your situation.

All I can say is that we have to look inward and focus on that, and everything around us will fall into place. It always starts with us.

Much love.

nickishine

HI Lost!!!

I feel your pain, really! Give "time", "time"! I have to say that to myself alot. People we've hurt in our lives, esp. family, need to protect themselves and put up huge boundaries due to the affect we've had on them. Forever isn't always forever. I think he just needs more time and assurance that you really are going to stay sober this time. It doesn't make it any easier for us though! Please, walk through this pain without picking up because it's just going to make things worse!

We're here for you and share in your grief. Keep a network of supportive people around you so you can cry, scream, whatever.... and maybe as time goes by you'll see a light at the end of the tunnel. My prayers are with you, hon!

Love, Nicki :praying:ghug3

CarolD

I too am sorry for this situation...

I too have Grandchildren I've not seen and it hurts.
However...I have stayed sober thru many things
including rejections from my children.

The AA women have stood with me...side by side
during my darkess hours. Please don't isolate.

Praying for you and your family.
Welcome to SR

Hevyn

Lost, I feel horrible for you and your situation. I have a similar thing going on with my mother - she and I were once so close, but now she's barely polite, all because (apparently) of my actions & things I said while drinking. Even though I know we've hurt and confused the people we love, I can't understand why they aren't willing to accept that we were sick. I know in my mother's case, she assumes alcoholism is a weakness, not a disease. I always wonder why it's not worth it to them to forgive the best they can - even if not completely - and then just get on with life and have the best relationship possible under the cirucumstances. Why can't they realize that being apart and cut off from each other is worse than anything? I share your hurt, but I do know the longer I stayed remorseful and filled with guilt over my mother's attitude, the longer I kept right on drinking. I only got well when I started to put myself and my present life first. I keep hoping the light will dawn one day, and she will have a new attitude towards me. I like what Haunted said, nothing's written in stone, and attitudes can change. I'm glad you are here with us. Please be kind to yourself as you continue to heal.