TheChangingMan

I am new on here but today was to be my 14th day sober after less succesful attempts over the past 10/11 years. Well today was far harder than I thought it would be. Yesterday the urge to drink was intense but I could control it. Today I couldnt.

I was sitting alone today craving a drink and knowing that as it is a Sunday the local shop shuts early I went out and bought a 3 litre bottle of cider (to go with the 4 Cans that I should have thrown out but hadnt) and I am drinking the lot right now. That isnt a massive amount compared to before, but it is too much now.

I tried reminding myself of the reasons why I want to be sober but nothing made sense. I couldnt rationalise my thoughts. I knew that I was bored and lonely and feeling down and that was why I wanted to drink, but instead of addressing those thoughts I chose the easy way out. As soon as I took a sip I felt better, relaxed, happier even.That tells me that it must be psychological.

Anyway, now that I have been drinking for 3 and a half hours I am realising that this is not what I really want. I am barely even sipping the alcohol now.

In the past two weeks of sobriety I have started to develop good habits. Only minor things like washing, cleaning, shaving, going to bed at a regular time, feeling focussed in the morning, putting my finances in order...I have been such a shambles that these things are real positives for me and I couldnt do them whilst drinking.

I think that despite letting myself down today I am maybe actually another step down the road to permanent sobriety.I cant allow my progress to go to waste this easilly.

Tomorrow will be the test. I really hope that I will wake up tomorrow with even more determination than I had when I started two weeks ago.

Sorry for rambling. I typed this as I thought it.

CarolD

Yes...it's discourgeing to return to drinking after making
a decision to quit. I did that many times too...

Bored? Lonely? Find your nearest AA meeting and start
attending. It's a good way to find mates who
also desire a sober life.

I've never been bored with AA...it's an awesome adventure.

Day 1 is better than Day 0...keep in focus
Yes! you too can win over alcohol..

JigOvLife

Just keep at it bud. Don't let today's slip talk you into pushing the big red 'f--- it!' button.
It seems like you're already realising the benefits that a few days sobriety can bring and they do increase as your brain chemistry recovers.

I'm only at 7 days this time round but I'm no stranger to how much better my life gets as the sober weeks tick by.

I'm also no stranger to that insane, instant, relief that comes from the first sip. It doesn't last long though.

Don't beat yourself up, remember all the progress you've made and remind yourself of all the bad sh1t that has happened whilst in drink
...Cans and cider, alone, my modus operandi too.

Anna

I think making changes in your life in early recovery is really important. You said you were bored and lonely so why not come with some ideas to keep yourself busy. Take a class, do volunteer work, go for a long walk, whatever gives you some joy in your life.

And, keep reading and posting here.

readyforhelp

Thank you.

adore79

It sounds that you are turning this into a positive thing and a motivator to continue working on your recovery and I think that is great! Beating ourselves up over a relapse is kinda counterproductive IMO.

michigangirl

keep trying, reading and posting here every day does help. Come visit us in the class of January!

nickishine

Thanks for shouting it out and not keeping it inside!!!

Just for one day as it comes, I will not drink/use.

I have to keep it that simple. I have focused too much on my lost sobriety time, counting days ahead in sobriety that I forgot about "just for today".

You can start over anytime, as long as we have breath. But, how much will our lives change if we take 2 feet forward and one step back?

Glad you're here and pray for tomorrow's strength for you!

Hugs, Nicki:ghug3

Mariposa18

If you have any alcohol left, toss it. You said you made it to 14 days? Focus on that, start over RIGHT NOW! A lot of us go through what you are going through right now, I did.

I'll tell you what was told to me after my relapse: Today can be your LAST DAY 1 =)

Good Luck and stick around here, the support is amazing~

TheChangingMan

Thank you everyone for your replies. I am off the booze again today and as Mariposa said I inetnd this to be my last day 1!

And I am going to give myself something to do as well. I used to do a lot of running and rsn a couple of races. Will try to get back into it agian tomorrow morning to give me something to focus on.

Thanks again.

parentrecovers

welcome, changingman. support to you, k

dave47

Great idea with the running TheChangingMan. Exercise plays a big big role in my life, it didn't even enter my head for the first few weeks after I stopped drinking.
I think once you stop enjoying the drink while you are drinking, then you might have reached the stage where you are ready to change. Keep posting and best wishes.

C23

I have also done exactly what you are doing. You need to focus on all the positives that happened over the 14 days sober. This slip can't change all that and that is what you should think about. Get rid of any other booze you might have left and tomorrow is another day!

Anna

That sounds like a good plan, ChangingMan!

TheChangingMan

Hi all. Didnt want to start a new thread and thought it would be in better context here.

Well after my relapse last Sunday I have now gone another 5 days sober but more importantly my first social occasion last night! I went to see a gig by comedian Russell Brand (think you Americans know of him?) and every time I have seen him in the past alcohol has gone hand in hand with it. I used to drink before, during and after.

The issue of booze was so much in my mind all week with regards to last night that I wasnt even looking forward to it. All day yesterday I felt anxious and really didnt know if I would be able to relax or resist the urge to drink. But the good news is that I did and that is the first social occasion I have been to in 11 years without even having a single drink.

In the hour or two prior to this gig I was quite subdued If I am honest as being sober at the start of a night out is something I have never experienced since the age of 21( I am 32 now) and I felt as though something wasnt quite right and maybe I was missing out.

The whole evening was quite surreal being sober if I am honest and I felt a wierd sort of detachment for most of it due to not viewing it through beer goggles I suppose and it being a new experience.

But after getting in and going to bed last night I have to say I was quite pleased with myself and hope that having proved to myself I can do it sober maybe next time will be even easier.

I hope so anyway, but either way last night was a significant step for me.

prettypoison

You should be pleased! It is not easy when others are drinking and laughing and you feel like a wallflower at the party. Congratulations, that is a very big step

Iggy1966

That's great man, congratulations. I've got a similar big social test for myself tonight (I'm only on day 3), and I'm feeling good but nervous about it, this kind of story really, really helps.

TheChangingMan

Thanks for that, mate. You will do ok tonight. Think about how happy you will be tomorrow when you wake up knowing that you didnt drink. It really makes abstaining worth it!

All the best..

nickishine

TCM,

Glad to hear you're back - sober and life is coming at ya and you're living it!!! It's sooo hard when we stop drinking to do things, especially fun & social things, sober! It's like we're little kids learning new things for the 1st time. Essentially, we are & that's pretty much the scenario! Crap! At 42 it's hard to teach this dog new tricks, but I want to stay sober and learn to live without the booze. It's challenging yet I know the rewards will come! Good luck to you, friend!

TheChangingMan

nickishine thank you so much for that. I like the analogy of being like little kids. Looking at it that way makes a lot of these experiences quite exciting actually. I hadnt thought of it in that way.

The one thing I really am trying not to take for granted is waking up in the morning with a clear head. That really is an experience and a novelty that we should all value massively.

Good luck to you too..