New2VA

I hope someone can help me how to deal with this. I have been sober for 5 days now and mostly due to the fact that I want to quit as well as promising my husband that this time I would. However, Saturday night he is going out for a few hours and I am so tempted to go out and sneak some alcohol while he is gone. I know I'll be mad at myself but the urge is so strong since he won't know. Am I crazy or what?

Isaiah

Not crazy, just negotiating. We all do it.

The reason why you feel crazy is just part of you wants to drink and part of you doesn't. You're perfectly sane, just conflicted.

My advice would be to tell that devil hovering over your left shoulder to go drink by himself. The angel on your right is a much better companion for your Saturday night. Which is going to last longer: a buzz or guilt?

New2VA

You are so right and thanks for your reply. The guilt would definitely last MUCH longer!

prettypoison

Hello and welcome to SR! I understand about wanting to sneak, but will it be worth the guilt, Isaiah is right... ask yourself which do you want more. For me I chose progress, no more setbacks. My conscience and my soul are worn out from drinking, lying, selling off peices of my soul for a buzz. It is hard, we all grapple with the idea of one more time but you can't do it. Just find something else constructive. Boredom is my enemy, so I keep coming back here. I hope you do to.

KenL

If your husband knows you are getting clean then you could tell him about your thoughts. If he doesn't know then consider telling him your intentions. Honesty with ourselves and others is crucial to our recovery. Plan on coming here the night he is out.

New2VA

Thanks....I'm sure I'll be hanging around here Saturday night. Appreciate your support.

Isaiah

Really, it's okay to have those ping-pong thoughts about drinking. I had one today. I just missed a bus I wanted to catch, which left me with 15 minutes to kill standing in front of a liquor store. My thought was "maybe I should go inside, just to warm up." I had completely, completely ignored the coffee shop right next to it. ("Hello? Coffee = hot?")

I remember when I was in my first weeks those drinking thoughts were torment. Eventually they just turn into a nuisance. Wanting to kill them off completely is an impossible fight to win; you just have to let them arise and see them pass.

parentrecovers

you can do it. ignore that addiction voice, it just wants to kick your butt..

flutter

sounds like me.. much of my drinking was done when my husband was gone for a few hours. That quick buzz never felt good enough to overpower the deceit, shame, regret and stupidity I felt as I was either denying the drinking, or suffering in silence the next day after "getting away" with it.

I can't believe I'm still married.. Thank God I knew when to say when.

fugfuggy

That is the voice that torments me every freakin night. Last night was aweful and the only thing I kept telling myself is see this all the way through to its conclusion. I promised my daughter I would have breakfast with her at her school and that is the only thing that stopped me. I hate when all of her friends, other parents and staff look me in the eyes when I go there after knocking off a bottle the night before. I feel so dirty and know that they all just know.

CarolD

Hi again......Sure you can make 6!

Why not plan a night with your best friend?
Anything that does not involve drinking.

An evening at your home...music..manicures.....munchie treats
An old f fashioned girly time.

Or a movie? Dinner out? Mall shopping?
That AA meeting we discussed?

Yes! planning a treat makes me feel good.
Doing it is even better!

coffeenut

How are you doing?

Stick close to SR....it's a life saver.

Welcome to SR!

New2VA

Thanks everyone. My only problem is that we just moved to the area and are out in the "boonies". There is nothing to do here - and I left my family and friends and just starting over. We live in a very small community and like I said far from town and on 25 acres in the middle of nowhere.
:praying

CarolD

Yes....
that is difficult but somehow somewhere you were planning
to get a drink in the middle of nowere.

I certainly hope you d will not...

Fubarcdn

Just hang out here tonight. Hey everyone party is at New2VA's tonight. I will bring the pineapple juice.

nickishine

NO! Not crazy.... but an alcoholic!!! If we give ourselves a chance at this and don't keep doing what we've been doing..... who knows what we might find??!!! I know you want something better... we have to cuz the life we've been leading is pure & utter hell!!

Stay on here & keep getting whatever you need to out. Give yourself a break today & tonight & tomorrow you'll wake up and like who's looking back at you in the mirror... at least a little better than if you choose to drink. I'll be here supporting you cuz in doing so it helps me stay sober too!

Love,
Nicki :ghug3

James13

To answer your thread title:

You found a way to get through each of the first 5 days.

That alone can give faith for being sober today.

lisa t

welcome new2va...my first thought is this...have you asked your hubby to stay home? maybe reaching out and telling him you are feeling insecure with yourself and your disease and that you need him with you right now....i know they (the hubby's) can't be there all the time but i know in the beginning if i asked mine not to go somewhere when i was feeling icky...he stayed home...just a thought...my second thought is you made through 5 days and that's awesome! feels great right??!!! well think of how you will feel if you sneak a drink or 10 tonight...my guess...you won't feel really great about yourself!! hang around here...that's what i'm doing tonight!!
hope to see you!!
Lisa

Mark75

Hi New2VA

You describe very closely where I live here in PA. I mostly like it, but it can be isolating for sure...

My wife and I are going out with friends tonight. I have been out drinkin' with one of them several times in the past. My sober good friend is going to be there, thank God. This is my first nite out with non family since I started my recovery 4 months ago. The friend who drinks, I like him very much BTW, doesn't know anything of my recovery etc... This should be interesting.

Anyway, FUBAR says the party is at your place tonight. I'll check in after I get home.

Don't drink, keep posting, you'll get through tonight. With these crazy people here on SR you might even have fun doing it!!!!

FUBAR - I still want to see you on Rocky Horror...

Mark

Fubarcdn

Cubile, if I got drunk I might do it but sober no way. Well maybe after 3-4 years when I get my sober sense of humor developed. You still with us New. Name a song, put it on, and we will listen to it here like a simulcast but please no rocky picture tonight.