DoubleV

I used to post on here a few years ago. I had a huge relapse, not just with drinking but also with Ritalin, other stimulants and the eating disorder.

But I've had a string of events force me to take a second look at things. I got a DUI and other legal problems. Now I have to go to AA 3 times a week. Then I found out I'm pregnant. I have to change and now. It's day 1, I found out this morning. I'm scared that what I've done in the weeks I didn't know has screwed the baby up already. But I can't change that now and all I can do is move forward and have tomorrow be a whole new day without mistakes. I'm terrified, I got myself into a huge hole and now I have a reason to change. But I'm scared that I'm not ready.

Sorry to make an all about me post. But I thought if I came in here and asked for help and put this all down in writing. Then everything would seem more real and I'd be more accountable for my actions. So any advice I'd appreciate.

Fubarcdn

Good luck DoubleV. You can do this this time. I know it will be hard but this is the most important thing that you have had to do in your life. If you think you are going to falter come back here and read your post to get the inspiration that you need to carry on. Also read all the wonderful response that you get so you will know that others care and support you in your battle. Drop by the Jan thread and let us know how you are doing everyday too. We are all in your corner.:ghug

TryingSoHard

Hi DoubleV,

Wow, sounds like you have a lot on your plate. I understand why you're scared. But you're right - focus on the NOW and what you do going forward. You can be ready if you want to be. Your baby deserves a sober and healthy mom, and you deserve to enjoy and remember all of the time you have with your baby (they grow up SO FAST).

If you were here before I'm sure you know how wonderful and supportive the people here are. Please check in often, if only to read posts from others. Let us know how you're doing and what you're feeling so we can offer support, encouragement, and hope.

Good luck. You're not alone. And congratulations.

readyforhelp

Keep writing.....

prettypoison

Welcome to SR DoubleV... I think we all come here scared. That's how we find this place, seeking answers and help. Your being here IS all about you and your desire to stop drinking/drugging so it's o.k. You can tell us anything you're comfortable with and post as long as you need to. Sometimes just getting it out helps and believe me, there are so many people here who can relate to the addiction and all of the negative consequences that they bring.

When found out I was pregnant I was young and partying a lot, sure enough just like you I worried, oh what have I done to my baby? However, I did quit as soon as I found out and abstained during gestation. The baby was fine (whew) but I went on partying after she was born--which brings me to today---wondering what a bad mother I must have been neglecting my kids so I could drink. I did my best under the circumstances, but now as a result of my drinking I'm fighting for my life. Get that tiger by the tail--do the right thing for your baby and YOU, drugs and alcohol just aren't worth it. Glad you're here.:ghug3

Anna

Hi and Welcome,

I'm glad you decided to come back here and find support.

I wonder if you've talked to your dr about your concerns for the pregnancy?

This is a great time to change your life and take care of yourself and your unborn child. You've made a great choice!

DoubleV

Thank you everyone.

I just got back from the doctor. He said that things were probably ok. As long as I stayed off the drinking. Ritalin is a class C drug and the effects havn't been studied. But that is where my real problem is and I know I can't safely take it and live a healthy life.

ETA tI got my due date September 9th.

prettypoison

That's awesome DoubleV and might I add congratulations! 8


This can be a fresh start, we're here for you.

Horselover

Welcome back and wow - what news! Do you have sponsor? I would say get a plan of action and stick with it. You CAN definitely do it and we know you can. You said you might not be ready and I would lay all of that out on the table at AA. If you don't have a sponsor I would get one too. You'll need all the backup support you can possible get. You, of course, have SR, but I would get the face to face. Do you have support at home? Do you have sober friends to call?

I only say all this because I care. Good luck and good job posting and you are in my prayers.

DoubleV

I don't have a sponsor. Yet. But I am required to go to the AA meetings and I'm thinking I'm gonna start going more than my required 3 times a week.

As for friends. That's a tough one. The guy who I'm sure is the dad is a meth addict, and not a good guy overall. I'm actually more pissed about being stuck with him than I am about the pregnancy. I've got school starting up again next week. So I'm looking forward to being able to throw myself into my classes again.

TryingSoHard

Have you considered trying out Al-Anon in addition to AA? I hear it's incredibly helpful.

Mariposa18

First of all congratulations on the pregnancy. I"m very happy to hear everything is well so far =) That being said, yes get a sponsor and do everything you need to stay clean and sober. This is a chance for you to start over, for you and your child.

Take Care Sweetie and Congrats again =)

Rowan

Welcome back and congratulations. I believe you have received a gift.

If you are court-ordered to go to AA, why not make the most of it and get a sponsor and start working the steps? Doing both enabled me to change my life in ways I had not imagined possible. Going to more meetings is a great idea.

There is no shame in being an alcoholic or addict. It's not your fault.

And you're not 'stuck' with the baby's father just because he got you pregnant, btw. If he isn't a decent person, why would you want him around? You have choices, and aren't obligated to be with anybody.

Keep posting, and feel free to PM me anytime if you need to.

DoubleV

I'm going to leave him. Luckily we're not in a real relationship. But it's scary to think about doing it all on my own. Hopefully he can take it as a clue and get help for himself. But I have a feeling even then he'll still be a tool.

CarolD

Welcome back to SR....

Keep in focus...you have a new life depending on you.
And Yes! you too can quit....

Aysha

Welcome Back.
I agree with Anna. Now is the perfect time to start doing whats right.
Not only for yourself. But for your baby.
I would mention the concerns to your Dr too.

DoubleV

Thanks you guys. Really, all of the responses in this thread have meant a lot to me.