lovinmenow

Strongbird. I can relate since I drank A lot and never got in real trouble with the law but I am an alcoholic and did some stupid stuff and said stupid **** to many people. This week I found a book which I think changed my views of myself and what my alcoholism was about. Many stories about women and their struggles. I am amazed that so many of the stories relate to things I have done that I did not think other women did, ie.. hiding bottles, putting booze in aquafina bottles for vodka of gatorade bottles for wine so no one would know I was drinking, using red plastic cups so you can't see the beer/wine through it. etc...

I have a better understanding of what I went through and can see it through anothers eyes. Kind of like this board. I am almost to the end of the book and I think I liked reading about alcoholism so much I am going to the library to get something else that looks good.

You should all read:
Happy Hours
Alcohol in a Woman's Life
by Devon Jersild

SoberforME

Amen!

I did that same thing. And then I read in the big book "Every time I said I haven't done that... yet. When I did I just lowered my standards." (paraphrasing) and that hit home!

Yes, I drove drunk...but I swore I wouldn't when I didn't have a car. Yes, I almost burned my house down....but it was a mistake no big deal. Yes, I cheated on a partner while drunk....but it's not like I started a RELATIONSHIP. And plus THAT GUY is worse than me....so there!

There are always justifications for your behavior (and I am QUEEN), but the point is that if you thought you had a problem with say, overeating would you wait until Richard Simmons was cutting you out of your house before you cut back on how much you were eating and all the while saying "No I don't have a problem with food!".

gravity

I used to be so scared that people I know would find out that I attend AA (and therefore I am an alcoholic). But the fear that I could not stop drinking, that I would lose everything was greater.

Most of the time, it doesn't even cross my mind that I am an AA member and an alcoholic. I'm just a guy trying to be a good husband, father, and employee, trying to be good to myself. It's a good life!

I'm still a bit worried that people I know will see me walking into AA meetings but I no longer skulk in with my hat & sunglasses on (still hide my Big Book and park around the corner though. I get teased about it.)

A couple of things happened this past week that makes me think that my alcoholism and, more importantly, my sobriety is no big secret. My mother in law told my wife that she is proud of my 13 months of sobriety (my wife didn't tell her) & also I found out that the spouse of a woman I work with is an AA member-I met him at a meeting. I started to get that old "I'm found out!" feeling but it was immediately replaced with "I just don't care if people know. What difference does it make?"

The fear & shame does go away. In time you will learn to accept (and like) yourself exactly how you are, get comfortable in your own skin, and develop a "big picture" perspective. The fact that I'm an alcoholic is such an insignificant part of who I am as a person.

James13

I know this seems simple, but it seems to work well for me- don't take anything personally. What other people assume or think of you really says more about them than you. I've noticed shame and guilt get better as I change from the person I was, because I know I am not that person anymore. I can't continue to define who I am based on other people's perspectives about me.

getr345

I don't tell people that I'm "alcoholic" or "in recovery" or an "addict" for the same reasons listed by the OP, people misunderstand and make negative assumptions and it's hard enough dealing with it and trying to understand it in my own mind and the shame that comes with it, so I don't use those terms to describe myself to anyone except myself in my own mind. I'm as honest as I can be with people when I tell them that I quit drinking because I was drinking too much and was having a problem with it. Or I just tell them I quit drinking because drinking was making my life miserable.

Why do I need to tell ANYONE I'm an alcoholic so long as I know it?

CarolD

Something I've noticed since I started AA in '84
our members are coming in with less apparent problems.
That is a good thing!

Education about alcoholism is now wide spread.
No one needs to go to the end of their disease
before stopping.

I was asked to do a bio for my Senior Center when I joined.
I did share about my AA recovery.
When it was choosen for a monthly feature...I wondered
if these new friends to be would steer clear of me.

Not at all...so many of them had family members who
were drinkers . I could give them hope.

I am grateful to be a recovered AA alcoholic.
It gives me joy and purpose...

Thanks for letting me share