March271994

I drink and I believe at this point I am a full blown alcoholic. I know I have a problem and I want to quit. I cannot afford rehab. I found this site yesterday and I hope there is someone here who can help me.

I'm afraid to just stop cold-turkey because I read something that outlined the side-affects of doing so. My life is really screwed up right now and I can't afford to spend the next 2 weeks or whatever dealing with dts or sickness or insanity or whatever happens. But, I know the drinking is contributing to the depression, along with all the other things it's doing.

It's a completely viscious cycle. If I don't drink at night, I lay awake all night long with the most awful thoughts and fears running through my head, and the next day I can't deal with anything. If I do drink I can go to sleep but always wake at like 3 in the morning hating myself for continuing the cycle. Then I beat myself up and become more depressed.

What do people do to stop? What's the first step?

sugErspun

Why do you say you are a full-blown alcoholic?

Stopping cold turkey can be dangerous and painful..it's probably a good idea to speak with a MD and detox safely.

What did I do to stop? -- The first thing I did was ask for help. Then I followed instructions/direction. Though I have been to rehabs - they didn't keep me sober. I got sober outside of any "facility".

least

A good first step is talking honestly with your doctor. Medical supervision while detoxing is a good thing. Next, maybe find an addiction counselor or check out some AA meetings. Lots of support in those meetings. Also come here often. We're here to support you. Check out the sticky in the Alcoholism forum titled "Quitting, what to expect, what we did". All the best to you.:ghug3

parentrecovers

thanks for posting, march. the first step is often just admitting you have a problem. which is sounds like you are doing...

detoxing without a dr's supervision can be pretty dangerous. so be safe..

have you thought about going to aa or some other face to face support group?

keep reaching out! lots of folks here who understand what you're going through.

hugs, k

Hevyn

Welcome to a wonderful place, March. Please remember, you never have to feel this miserable again. You only have to stop drinking once - no more withdrawals or hangovers will be in your future. I know others will come along with wise advice. I had a rough 2-day withdrawal last year, and wish I had been able to afford good medical advice. I made it, though - and you can too. Sending love and encouragement your way.

Anna

Hi and Welcome,

The first thing I did was to believe fully, that drinking was no longer an option for me.

Please talk to your dr about stopping because it can be dangerous.

The first step is to not drink and get through the minutes and hours until it makes a day. Each day gets a little bit easier and there is lots of support here.

TryingSoHard

Hi March, and welcome to SR.

For me, the first step was admitting to myself that I had a problem and that I needed help. Trying to stop on my own just wasn't working. This site was (and still is) a true blessing for me.

It's wise of you to recognize that stopping cold turkey without medical supervision could be dangerous. Please consider going to see a doctor. At the very least, have someone with you or very nearby when you quit in case you wind up needing to go to the hospital. Not everyone has bad withdrawal symptoms, but it's a dangerous risk to take.

You're right about it being a vicious cycle, but the good news is that you can END THAT CYCLE whenever you're ready. You never have to feel this way again.

IMO, the next step after admitting you have a problem is to just NOT PICK UP that first drink. Please keep posting.

March271994

Oh my gosh! This is unbelievable! Thank you all for responding!

I don't have a doctor, I'm broke and have no insurance. One of the reasons for the escalated drinking.

To Sugarspun - I think I'm full blown because I drink wine until I pass out everynight. I was a casual drinker most of my life. Over the last two years my life became a downward spiral - everything started going wrong. Typical stuff, heartbreak, not getting paid for a lot of work I did, business failing, not getting new work, defaulting on everything, and finally forclosure proceedings start. As things got worse I drank more. I do it everyday now to escape my life, and have a few moments without pain and fear.

To Least - Thank you for the lead, I'll read it right away.

Okay, I guess cold turkey isn't smart. Are there free clinics for people with our sort of sickness?

least

I believe Salvation Army has some free detox facilities, but check to be sure in your area. If your detox gets too bad you can always go to the ER. After getting thru the initial detox it's a matter of staying sober one day at a time, and AA can help with that. Just be safe when detoxing, please.

:ghug3

shaun00

march hello to you and welcome.
Firstly imo...it is a really dangerous idea to stop alcohol dead without medical supervision....or at least advice..
I dont know the system of health care where you are.....i think in the uk we are spoilt.
That said the next problem to get over is admitting you got a problem.............AND YOU JUST DID THAT....So you have already cleared a hurdle that some people never manage....brilliant.
I hope you can get some medical advice..........ive done a couple of drying out sessions without medication and it wasnt pretty...but then i was chronic alcoholic.
Everyone is different i guess.....but it is achieveable......and life is good without booze..............................trucker.....don t forget to come back and let us know how your doing.:praying

March271994

Least - I am reading that sticky you directed me to. It's awesome! I don't have any of the issues listed that would cause self-detox to be dangerous. I haven't been drinking this way for a year, only about 5 months now. I'm pretty healthy and I don't take any medications or drugs.

But, I'm going to search on-line further to find a free-clinic for this and other health issues; I haven't seen a doctor for years.

Thanks!

Jomey

Hi March - Welcome to SR! Glad you joined us...most everyone already gave you the advice you need already! Don't pick up, go to an ER if you have to, and keep posting!

lulukat

Hi March,
Congratulations for taking the first big step and admitting you have a problem.
AND for seeking and finding SR.
Take it one hour at a time...

tommyk

My life is really screwed up right now and I can't afford to spend the next 2 weeks or whatever dealing with dts or sickness or insanity or whatever happens.

When you can afford to put your health first & foremost I believe you can succeed.

But if you do NOT put your health first I'm not sure you can. Priorities.

(By the way... it doesn't matter what I think.... what do YOU think? )

flutter

Well.. how do you pay for all your alcohol? Imagine the money you'll save!

Here's a link to free health clinics in the US:

HRSA - Find a Health Center - Search by Address, City, ZIP, or State

Welcome, and good luck!

Also.. you can go to the Emergency Room, they can't turn people away due to inability to pay.

sugErspun

I hear ya, really..especially about escaping fear and pain. You know what? After awhile - alcohol stopped working, and no matter how much I drank the fear, the pain...the HOPELESSNESS just got worse and worse.

Do you set out to get drunk each time your drink?
Have you ever tried to control your intake, just enough to make that stuff (fear, anxiety) be 'ok' for the time being? Or, does it make sense that when you have a little bit (that 'certain' point)..you want more?

Have you ever tried to stop? This would include something like "I am not gonna drink this week" - just to find yourself drinking. Maybe even "I won't drink today"...having wine later that evening? When I use "stop" I mean - for good and all. Can you just stop drinking? Many people who drink very heavily can pull that off with a little (or a lot) support - there are others who will have a drink when everything is on the line that they don't. Luckily - both types can recover..there are examples right here on SR..plenty of them.

I can't diagnose you as having alcoholism - but you will find the answer if you look honestly. I agree that this is a great place for people who don't know where else to look. Look in your area for free medical services..if not, hit the local AA house, meeting - and tell them what's going on. A world of help is there, but without your honest desire to be rid of this all the good intentions won't mean squat.

Obviously - you are not alone in this. And the problems you list are nothing compared to alcoholism, because that's your very life that is on the line - and the progression tends to be toward the 'worse' rather than 'better'.

Take care and if you need anything - send PM or reach out to other people here.

~a

mxchaos

have you looked into state health insurance?

CarolD

Hi and Welcome...

About where to see a doctor for free ...your local county health
department is a good resource. I have used free clinics in both
D.C. and Fl. and had good care. However...nothing to do
with my de tox...which I have shared on the thread you read
in our Alcoholism Forum.

I did quickly grab on to AA as my recovery program.
Everyone there knew exactly what I was going thru.
I also found a much needed job via an AA contact.

Please do keep posting ...many of us have recovered
from alcoholism and so can you!

Bamboozle

Hello! That sounds a lot like me, but I went out and got a doctor, despite being without insurance.

Make a few phone calls and ask your local hospital(s) if they do charity or discounts, and if they don't do that, ask if they do payment plans for self-pay.

My visits cost about one hundred dollars U.S. and extensive blood work was about 400 pre-dicount. That's a lot for me, but I've spent FAR MORE on booze. The peace of mind is worth it.

Because my situation is getting a little more expensive, I'm going to fill out the form they gave me and see if they'll give me charity or discount. Shoot, everytime I've gone for bloodwork and other things they ask if I want a form. Not all hospitals do this...make some phone calls and ask questions. It won't hurt you to ask and you may get a "yes".

I know that if I drink my health problems will inevitably worsen (and also become more expensive).

When you're ready to detox, please be safe.

Once you're detoxed, please get to a doctor.