gonzo9730

Yesterday I made a mistake at work; to which I think I blew way out of proportion. I was beating myself up all bloody night and was dreading what the outcome maybe. The emotion was strong, almost to the point of giving me an anxiety attack. I felt like drinking to make that emotion go away, but in my heart knew that it would only help for the time being.

I managed to abstain from drinking to numb the pain. I am on day 3 right now, and when I wake up tommorow I will be on day 4. I'm still kind of beating on myself, although not as bad as last night.

My question is: how does one make the transition from learning from their mistakes & moving on, rather than feeling massive amounts of shame and beating themselves up??

tommyk

I used the 4th step to 'unpack my backback' and get most of it off of my shoulders.

It's difficult though, I want to blame myself for not being perfect.

Maybe you feel the need to be perfect? I often do.

Are you asking, expecting, demanding... too much of yourself?

(Drinking will NOT help the problem in ANY fashion - that's not a solution.)

coffeenut

I think you just finally 'get it' that drinking doesn't help ANYTHING.

Good luck, Gonzo, and welcome!

gonzo9730

Just poured out a half a mickey of whiskey from the other night; no second thoughts either. It felt great!!!

CarolD

You are finishing up your de tox ...meaning you probably
feel all around crappy. I know I did in very early sobriety.

Be gentle wit yourself...rest and eat healthy.
Drink a lot of water to flush the toxins out.
Start a daily multi vitamin + a B 12 complex.

To get over my remorse and guilt...I too found
peace in using the AA Steps.

Hope this helps you continue to move forward...

gonzo9730

Thanks for the advice Carol. For the most part I am following most of what your suggesting. I am eating well, in fact since I started getting serious with the "addiction beast", I've lost 20 pounds in a healthy way. Been pretty good with taking a multi vitamin on a daily basis, although not vit b-12 separately. I have been getting sporadic exercise doing martial arts. However, I think I have to find alternatives because of physical limitations at this point. I think that my body needs to be truly in shape before sparring with people is an option.

The one thing I haven't done is been easy on myself. I don't know if I've ever truly known how to do that, even before my drinking problems began. Wow, I just might of figured something out *a light just went on*. Maybe I should be seeking out a solution to that problem.

Yes, I feel the need to be perfect. Almost to the point that it stops me from doing certain tasks. Also, my Dad passed away two years ago. He was, *still is* a great man. I feel the weight of trying to fill his shoes. Maybe I should lay off myself and not expect that I have to fill his shoes, and just be the best I can be *for the lack of a better slogan*.

Thanks again for all your advice.

msh58

trying to live up to someone elses life robs your own life of how good it could be. You might not get the fame he got, but i'm sure you can put a life together happier for yourself than his.

I've only heard of two people ever living up and beyond their fathers life in the same field. Eli and peyton manning in football. And i'm not even sure either of those two is happy with theirs.

kakell

I, too, am hard on myself like that. I like tommy's quote "unpack my backpack". Drinking and popping pills is not the answer. You are at the right place. There is tremendous support here.

mtr

gonzo9730,

We all make mistakes and have been ashamed of our behavior. What works for me is admitting when I was wrong and apologzie with sincerity. I can only own my half of the conversation; I can't control how the recipient will respond or if they will accept my apology. Once I apologize I move on even if they don't. People will always find a reason to hold something over your head, but you have to be willing to let it go.

least

I've always been my own worst critic and my own worst enemy. It's a problem I'm still working on, at least, being sober, I don't have THAT to beat myself up with.

gonzo9730

Thanks for the advice all. I like to refer "unpacking the backpack" as "getting the monkey off my back". Both are a good way to look at it. Both need a little shaking to get the weight off.

The mistake that I made at work turned out to be relatively minor in the end. I guess also how I chose to approach after freaking out about it helped out. I chose to admit what I did wrong on my file that was subsequently re-distrubuted to a peer of mine. I gave him a run down on the facts I gathered for the case and suggestions of how to improve it moving forward. From what he says after talking to the client, it doesn't look like it's gonna come bite me back in the ass to hard. If anything it will make for a good laugh at my expense.

Here's to moving forward in our pursuits of life.

Vintersemestre

I used to blow things out of proportion when mistakes were made at work too... like I'd go insane if there was cash missing only to find out the next day that the manager made a deposit at the bank and forgot to file it in the system. Sometimes you just gotta let it go.