Hevyn

I just heard about a new book by Christopher Kennedy Lawford. Famous people have shared the "moments" that helped them decide to get sober. They include: Richard Dreyfuss, Alec Baldwin, Jamie Lee Curtis, Martin Sheen, & a long list of others. I've only read an excerpt so far, but it looks like it would be very encouraging. As stated in the book, "For too long, stigma has kept those with this disease in the shadows of our society." I know for me, coming to SR and finally being able to admit to others the hell I was going through made all the difference. Being reminded that people from every walk of life suffer just like we do helps take the sting out of it.

shaun00

hevyn...thankyou..

I want to share somthing with you that i dont share often because if makes me cry....when i remember the pain from this moment of clarity..or two really..

Some of you know that my drinking took me to living on the streets for a few years....mainly costal towns in the uk.. Eating out of bins and begging for my booze money...i slept in car parks and shop doorways..long hair..long beard..youve got the picture..

To be honest i was so full of booze all that time....i didnt feel much....certainly didnt think of my family or daughter....it was all about next drink to block it all out..i drank anything with alcohol in..that was my life drink...fall asleep....wake up...beg for money....get drunk....fall asleep day in day out..

One christmas i was outside a department store begging for booze money..
A little girl in a red coat walked past with mum.....very exicited because there were lots of santas around and reindeer...
The joy on this little girls face.. that she only had to wait a couple of days before santa come to visit.

Her mum gave the girl some money and she ran over and dropped it in my hand.
At that moment what i had lost in my life hit me...i longed for my daugher and wanted to return to LIFE but couldnt....everything was gone...everyone was gone......from that moment of clarity i wanted to die..

I felt a deep lose and felt alone....i knew then if i didnt stop id kill myself.
That brief moment was the first slip of the deep denial that i was in...i needed to stop but how?......that another long story...lol

The other moment of clarity was when i was a month sober...
When i was in hospital sedated because of fits and delirium...my mother came to visit me.....i didnt know this till later when i was told by the nurse..i was out of it....my mother was upset because i was very sick.

I still had the long hair and beard...my whites of my eyes were yellow.
I stank and was 8 stones(112lb) ....bear in mind im 6 foot 1.
Anyway...a month later she came to visit me in my town.

She was getting the train and could i met here at the station....no problem.
I thought id put on a suit and tie just to look better....my beard was gone and my hair was short and id put on a couple of stone.

I met her that day.....she got off and looked past me........"mum" i said
She focus on me.........and started to sob and sob and sob..
It took her ten minutes to calm done......and she needed the help of her rosary..
Ive never seen her so happy....she had never seen me so well..

The moment of clarity was realizing the pain i put my family through...boy did that hurt.........how could i never realize.........how could i have been so so self centred.....and so helplessly addicted....
My mum sleeps soundly tonight......and god be with her..
God help me to share that sometimes....and to remember.........trucker

raleigh

I am speechless. What an amazing story. Thank you so very much for sharing -- that so very much helps to remind me why the path of sobriety is the right one. I too have caused too much harm, and am grateful now to be following a different path.

Thanks, and bless you!

James13

Wow, trucker. That post affected me. Thanks.

Much love, man.

allport

Your story has made me cry.

I cant remember the last time I cried for another person.

Thank you.X

snowdog

Trucker, your post gave me chills! I am so glad you are here with us!

wyok

Trucker - You are incredibly brave. Puts my problems in perspective. Thanks.

dojohn2004

I agree with all the posts here trucker,very inspirational!

weekendbinger

Hevyn:

Thanks for the book recommendation....it's exactly what I need to reading right now!!!

And Trucker:

Wow....thank you for sharing your story. Your experience shows that we all have a disease. It's so hard to heal from because there is no "pill" we can take....we must heal ourselves. I know that sharing your story will help me with my stuggle......and will help many others. So glad you are alive and well!!!

allport

Trucker your story deserves to be on a bigger stage.

Put it on New comers, any one agree?

allport

I meant newcomers support!

least

Thank you trucker for a beautifully sad yet inspirational story. And Hevyn, I'm going to look for it at my library.

shaun00

i find it very difficult to share this stuff in meetings...
I cant do it without sobing.........then i cant carry on and stop.
Im overcome with.............hard to put my finger on it......deep sorrow........deep relief........shame.....joy...not sure i know?
My wife just asked me "whats up"..........nothing "up" anymore...i guess thats the point....

CAPTAINZING2000

You carry a powerful message



No matter how far down the scale we go.

I didn't get to that point that, you had to go to in your life. Many people never get a second chance at life.

The fact you turned it around gives hope, to people.

desertdonna

Thanks, Hevyn, for starting this thread.

And thank you so much, Trucker, for sharing some of your story. It was a gift to us and those that read here looking for redemption. And I hope it lightens your load a bit. What's past is past; you've come a very long way from those dark days.

Many, many blessings to you.

Big hug,

Donna

Pelican

Thanks Hevyn for the post!

Thank you Trucker for the personal share! I am so glad you are a member of the SR family. I appreciate your contributions. It's absolutely terrific that your mom was able to see you clean and sober and in better health!

All good!

stone

Wow Trucker....

Glad to meet you.

Hevyn

Trucker, I've been away all day and came home to find this! I never dreamed that by mentioning a new book I'd be encouraging you to tell about your moments of clarity. I'm like you - when I tried to share in meetings I'd clam up and/or start sobbing. These feelings come from deep down inside us and overwhelm us when we try to explain them. It's as you said - an indescribable combination of deep sorrow, relief, shame and joy, all at once. No wonder we feel so alone in our misery, until we find a place to share what's in our souls. Thank you all for making my simple little thread so special.

lovinmenow

Hey trucker, your story is inspiring to us all especially the newcomers. I have been struggling for a long time and I am no newcomer to trying to get sober but I want to hang out on the newcomers board to get inspiration and give some myself.

lovinmenow
"A flute is not a flute unless it has holes"

Horselover

Thank you Hevyn for the book recommendation. This sounds like a book I definitely NEED to read right now.

Thanks for sharing your story Trucker. I don't have words for that, but Thank God it had a happy ending!!