New and overwhelmed
 

Well it's a new year and I did the "ok no more as of 1/1/09" resolution. Failed. Failed on the 3rd, the 5th and so on. This has been going on for many years. I'm so ashamed. I really want sobriety, however, working a program and changing myself has always been very overwhelming. There is work to be done, rules to follow. I've never liked abiding by the rules but I surrender. I'm exhausted from drinking, trying to recover which can take days now and trying to hide it. What a racket I've created and I really want to change.

Time to give it up. The drinking and the lies. I've been reading the posts here for a few months while trying to muster the courage to join in, then get to a meeting and find a sponser. Step 1 accomplished. :c009:

Welcome.. I am fairly new here to, but this is a wonderful place with lots of support. I find reading/posting everyday has helped alot. You took the first step, keep taking those steps one day at a time.:c033:

Yup... it's not nearly as overwhelming if you take it one day at a time. Congrats on taking that first step. :)

Welcome!

I was absolutely exhausted from my drinking, when I finally stopped. It was really such a relief.

There are many roads to recovery. I am not an AA person, but I definitely had work to do on myself and am still doing that. There were many changes to be made, as recovery is a time of change.

If you really want this, you can do it.

Welcome to SR and if I were you and I was, I wouldn't make it a resolution. Everyone jokes about resolutions failing and they do. I'm not sure why, but they generally do. You have done step 1 in the "I surrender part." I was exhausted too. What it does to us physically is unbelievable. I wish you tons of good energy in finding your meeting and a sponsor. Congratulations on posting. I'm glad you did. :)

Welcome to SR. Good that you have a plan of action for your recovery. Many never do and wonder why they fail. Keep us posted on your progress.

Thanks for the replies :13:
I feel hope here, I haven't felt that for a long time. I needed to reach out and not feel alone. I am at home a lot with empty nest syndrome. At first my sick mind thought 'Oh good, now I don't have to hide my drinking as much or focus as hard to talk straight'. Dangerous and very scary thinking. I've been practicing the art of deception for way too long. I know I've been foolish and very sick. I want a clear head and a clear conscience. I forgot what that feels like. I'm going back to college on Tuesday. I'm trying to get on with taking care of me. And I have been avoiding me for a very long time. I freak myself out worrying I will find a new excuse to drink (isn't there a saying of some sort "alcoholics never need an excuse to drink but always have one" ?? yup, I always do, but I look to up the ante in case I get busted drinking by a family member, it's awful. I don't want to live that lie anymore. As I said before I am mentally and physically exhausted from the whole deal, not to mention embarrassed that I was the classical closet drinker :a143:

I did discovered a "new me" in recovery...
and it's been an awesome adventure.

:wave:....Welcome to our recovery community

wish you the best with it.

Think i was the classic solitary drinker. Throwing a hug to you in your closet.

You are never alone. There is alot of support and info here.
Unfortunately..There is alot of conmmitment and work to staying sober. It goes way beyong just putting the drink down.
But it is possible. If you want it bad enough.
Glad you are here.

You spoke of rules to follow, but there is only one. Don't pick up that first drink.

If you have to sit on your computer with SR to figure it out, then do it.

Being sober is worth it. Welcome to sr. I hope you stay. :)

coffeenut, you are totally right my Friday night was rough but It is in the past, no drinks a little bit pissy but i laugh letting myself know I would have another drink to rule my life. NO WAY!!!

That is a very good understanding. Alcoholism makes us lie to everyone but most importantly to ourself. It is the one disease that will tell you, you don't have a disease.
You are on the right track. Keep moving forward there are many here who have been there and understand your struggles.

Welcome! I"m glad you're reaching out for help in staying sober. I too got sick of myself and my lies and hiding bottles and always feeling horrible. I'm glad you found us. Keep coming back!:ghug3