stubborn....day 1 again
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Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: Europe
Posts: 1,361
day 1,
Had no freakouts or anything. Keeping my guard up tough. I actually think this antidepressant stuff made my head spin a lot more. My mind was freakin racing while was on this stuff!!!
Anyways; not another teen movie is playing (i love this kinda movie yeah i know it's korny
). Gotta do some housekeeping and such so i'm off. Done enough reflection and recovery today allready.
Had no freakouts or anything. Keeping my guard up tough. I actually think this antidepressant stuff made my head spin a lot more. My mind was freakin racing while was on this stuff!!!
Anyways; not another teen movie is playing (i love this kinda movie yeah i know it's korny
). Gotta do some housekeeping and such so i'm off. Done enough reflection and recovery today allready.
Fawkez88
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Minot ND
Posts: 17
Ive been clean of weed sicne the 9th i feel you
The withdrawls are hard but be strong. I have it around me with my friend all the time, the smell everything. But im holding off. And i will continue to
You can do it too. Do other things instead. Read these forums. Cook. Nething you love. Be strong and with held man. It gets easyier as teh days pass after a while. One day at a time.
Much love
The withdrawls are hard but be strong. I have it around me with my friend all the time, the smell everything. But im holding off. And i will continue to
You can do it too. Do other things instead. Read these forums. Cook. Nething you love. Be strong and with held man. It gets easyier as teh days pass after a while. One day at a time.
Much love
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Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: Europe
Posts: 1,361
day 2, no freak-outs,
In just two days i met two people who are professionale envolved in the recovery of addicts one way or another. Been talking with them so much, my head is kinda spinning with recovery right now. So i think i won't reflect about recovery here today.
the power of intention
In just two days i met two people who are professionale envolved in the recovery of addicts one way or another. Been talking with them so much, my head is kinda spinning with recovery right now. So i think i won't reflect about recovery here today.
the power of intention
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Location: Europe
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day 4, totally totally clean
Everything still going''s well. Sometimes i'm a bit grumpy, but that most of the time has tot do with a low sugar level i guess (quitting nicotine).
I know i'm changeable like the weather. But yesterday i broke off all contact with the girl. If she truely would have hooked up with me and gave me the love i needed, a while a go it would have been so healing and good for me, i truely believe that. Finally someone were i could be myself with, someone with a past, that has come out of it and learned what she wanted. Someone that is beautifull, that would fight for me. But she decided to wait, even tough she felt the same way for me! I was so bloody confident in the beginning, could have taken on the whole world. Now i'm insecure, paranoid, hurt. God i feel such a romantic fool that hurts me the most. Now my feelings for her transformed in something sickening and dangereous for myself. I'm deprived of sleep, hunger, concentration, altough a part is proberly still detoxing and such, this enourmous pain in my chest when i think of her can't be. Slept only six hours tonight, and the night before that, and the night before that.
I made a vow in my late teens, never to be friends again with a girl that i really really like. I used to be mister nice guy, was always friendly, listening and understanding, funny. And i always finished last. It hurted back then like hell, and it does now. I won't change my ways, I am who I am. But I sure not gonna wait for her several months pretending there is nothing more. I just can't. It'll make me very very very unstable. I don't need that stuff right now, my recovery is way more important.
Now i just need some time, days, weeks, months, years, i don't know to get over her, to find/meet a girl that truely wants me for who i am. That is willing to take the plunge, and that listens to her feelings instead of ingnoring them. But right now, i'm hurt and veyr very angry about that.
I have erased all the memories of her,on my comp and in my house. I know i was typing a few days back it would be spiritual progress and such to keep her in my life. But how could this messed up feeling be progress, it's only wearing me down! Some life issues can better be solved black or white then grey. I can't continue my recovery untill this is solved, feel like i'm stuck bigtime. So i'm gonna fix it.
Everything still going''s well. Sometimes i'm a bit grumpy, but that most of the time has tot do with a low sugar level i guess (quitting nicotine).
I know i'm changeable like the weather. But yesterday i broke off all contact with the girl. If she truely would have hooked up with me and gave me the love i needed, a while a go it would have been so healing and good for me, i truely believe that. Finally someone were i could be myself with, someone with a past, that has come out of it and learned what she wanted. Someone that is beautifull, that would fight for me. But she decided to wait, even tough she felt the same way for me! I was so bloody confident in the beginning, could have taken on the whole world. Now i'm insecure, paranoid, hurt. God i feel such a romantic fool that hurts me the most. Now my feelings for her transformed in something sickening and dangereous for myself. I'm deprived of sleep, hunger, concentration, altough a part is proberly still detoxing and such, this enourmous pain in my chest when i think of her can't be. Slept only six hours tonight, and the night before that, and the night before that.
I made a vow in my late teens, never to be friends again with a girl that i really really like. I used to be mister nice guy, was always friendly, listening and understanding, funny. And i always finished last. It hurted back then like hell, and it does now. I won't change my ways, I am who I am. But I sure not gonna wait for her several months pretending there is nothing more. I just can't. It'll make me very very very unstable. I don't need that stuff right now, my recovery is way more important.
Now i just need some time, days, weeks, months, years, i don't know to get over her, to find/meet a girl that truely wants me for who i am. That is willing to take the plunge, and that listens to her feelings instead of ingnoring them. But right now, i'm hurt and veyr very angry about that.
I have erased all the memories of her,on my comp and in my house. I know i was typing a few days back it would be spiritual progress and such to keep her in my life. But how could this messed up feeling be progress, it's only wearing me down! Some life issues can better be solved black or white then grey. I can't continue my recovery untill this is solved, feel like i'm stuck bigtime. So i'm gonna fix it.
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add on;
Let me put it this way....for the first period she brought the very very best out of me...now it's the very very worst...and I don't want to live that way.
This makes it a lot easier for me!
Let me put it this way....for the first period she brought the very very best out of me...now it's the very very worst...and I don't want to live that way.
This makes it a lot easier for me!
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Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: MN
Posts: 528
Congrats on day 5!!!!
You can do this! You have the strength & support of SR behind you. We will be checking on you daily. so you have people that want to make sure you are being true to yourself.
God Bless Hang in there!
You can do this! You have the strength & support of SR behind you. We will be checking on you daily. so you have people that want to make sure you are being true to yourself.
God Bless Hang in there!
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Location: Europe
Posts: 1,361
Originally Posted by ToABetterMe 
Congrats on day 5!!!!
You can do this! You have the strength & support of SR behind you. We will be checking on you daily. so you have people that want to make sure you are being true to yourself.
God Bless Hang in there!
You can do this! You have the strength & support of SR behind you. We will be checking on you daily. so you have people that want to make sure you are being true to yourself.
God Bless Hang in there!
Just for my ego-recovery-boosting. I'm sober for 2,5 weeks now, it's just i'm completely clean (sigs too and such) for 6 days now!!!! *shoulder pats himself*
*edit*
no wait, i quitted sigs for a week now or so hahahaha i truely lost track of what i quitted when. all i know i'm totally absolutely clean now for six days.
Last edited by coming_clean; 01-29-2009 at 02:30 AM.
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day 6,
I should have been to antwerps for a big business meeting. But the whole show is cancelled so i got an extra day of!!!!
The girl is rapidly fading away to the background, giving me room to focus on the more important things in my life. 1. recovery. 2 good friends, 3 fixing my career 4 fixing my personal life (housekeeping, hobbies etc. etc.). I'm not saying i lost all feelings for her, that would be nasty and dissapointing even for myself. But it's bearable now, the intensity is declining. Even tough she's not messing with my life anymore, she still is messing with my sleep cause I dream about her every night. Hope this will stop too, cause i often wake up after six hours max. not being able to fall asleep again. Thank god i allready lost of lot of toxins from my body and spirit, and i'm so much stronger, otherwise this lack of sleep would surely started messing with my head.
"Yesterday i played a game of chess for almost an hour. I played like a giant untill the end of the midgame, and then i started to lose my focus after a call from my job. Lost in the end of the endgame. She only had a king and queen (after her pawn crossed over) left she i gave her the victory. Finally i'm starting to get my mind a bit back. Always loved to play chess, it always comes back to me when in recovery. The last few years or so i just couldn't focus long enough to play even ten minutes. Losing from the lowest level of the computer isn't really inspiring either. Hopefully i'll be able to start reading books again in short time, i truely miss it, but right now i just can't seem to sit still long enough to read more then a few pages.
Anyways, things truely start to look brighter. Went to friends yesterday. Played guitar hero, watched two movies, laughed a lot. They were smoking sigaretes and one or two joints we're continuesly rotating, but it didn't bother me. I can truely say i did not have an urge for a single moment. Well, just to open another window. I just know that one toke, or sig will open pandora's box for me. That is enough to not wanting to touch it anymore. I didn't quit for them, but for me and that feels warm and secure.
I should have been to antwerps for a big business meeting. But the whole show is cancelled so i got an extra day of!!!!
The girl is rapidly fading away to the background, giving me room to focus on the more important things in my life. 1. recovery. 2 good friends, 3 fixing my career 4 fixing my personal life (housekeeping, hobbies etc. etc.). I'm not saying i lost all feelings for her, that would be nasty and dissapointing even for myself. But it's bearable now, the intensity is declining. Even tough she's not messing with my life anymore, she still is messing with my sleep cause I dream about her every night. Hope this will stop too, cause i often wake up after six hours max. not being able to fall asleep again. Thank god i allready lost of lot of toxins from my body and spirit, and i'm so much stronger, otherwise this lack of sleep would surely started messing with my head.
"Yesterday i played a game of chess for almost an hour. I played like a giant untill the end of the midgame, and then i started to lose my focus after a call from my job. Lost in the end of the endgame. She only had a king and queen (after her pawn crossed over) left she i gave her the victory. Finally i'm starting to get my mind a bit back. Always loved to play chess, it always comes back to me when in recovery. The last few years or so i just couldn't focus long enough to play even ten minutes. Losing from the lowest level of the computer isn't really inspiring either. Hopefully i'll be able to start reading books again in short time, i truely miss it, but right now i just can't seem to sit still long enough to read more then a few pages.
Anyways, things truely start to look brighter. Went to friends yesterday. Played guitar hero, watched two movies, laughed a lot. They were smoking sigaretes and one or two joints we're continuesly rotating, but it didn't bother me. I can truely say i did not have an urge for a single moment. Well, just to open another window
. I just know that one toke, or sig will open pandora's box for me. That is enough to not wanting to touch it anymore. I didn't quit for them, but for me and that feels warm and secure.
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