first day
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2007
Posts: 113
first day
found this site again when i was wasted last night. Today was first day sober. I don't really know why i really think it will be different this time, last year i was sober for no longer than four days at a time, maybe i've finally slowed life down enough that i can do this.
took it real slow today. My expectations of myself, and life in general, i kept really low. day one has actually been a pretty good day.
going to be strange tomorrow waking up and not feeling completely run down.
Tonight just eating one thing after another, its been nice. Apparently i've been starved.
took it real slow today. My expectations of myself, and life in general, i kept really low. day one has actually been a pretty good day.
going to be strange tomorrow waking up and not feeling completely run down.
Tonight just eating one thing after another, its been nice. Apparently i've been starved.
We Do Recover
Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: Texas
Posts: 2,619
Congrats on Day One! And I too told myself--things will be different this time--which they never were--in fact, things usually got worse each time out. Glad you are back. What do you plan to do differently this time? I needed SR plus outside support. I needed others to help hold me accountable--but first I had to get completely honest with myself and my disease. I had to ask for help and be willing to receive it. You never have to drink again if you don't want to. You don't have to do this alone. Keep posting/reaching out for help. We do recover. 
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2007
Posts: 113
Thanks to both of you.
This time what i'm doing different is not pushing myself so hard at anything in life, especially recovery. I think one of the mistakes i made was being too obsessed with the whole thing.
Another thing was trying to hard to be social and reach out, actually believing if i don't have enough people supporting me, i will go down again. I don't think thats true at all for me. Its actually everything involved with any relationship that tends to weigh on me.
So no, i'm not doing groups, just coming here to this site to read so i'm not completely isolated, and have a place to report my progress. Help out others when i can from a distance.
Actually have gotten my work hours and everything else lifewise the way i want to them to be, comfortable routine except for drinking at night that i'm trying to change. I'm not striving for anything else in life or rushing around from place to place pretending i'm living. I've got things real slow right now, very little stress in all areas except for my debt, but that will disappear in time also.
I'm in a good place to be quitting right now i think.
This time what i'm doing different is not pushing myself so hard at anything in life, especially recovery. I think one of the mistakes i made was being too obsessed with the whole thing.
Another thing was trying to hard to be social and reach out, actually believing if i don't have enough people supporting me, i will go down again. I don't think thats true at all for me. Its actually everything involved with any relationship that tends to weigh on me.
So no, i'm not doing groups, just coming here to this site to read so i'm not completely isolated, and have a place to report my progress. Help out others when i can from a distance.
Actually have gotten my work hours and everything else lifewise the way i want to them to be, comfortable routine except for drinking at night that i'm trying to change. I'm not striving for anything else in life or rushing around from place to place pretending i'm living. I've got things real slow right now, very little stress in all areas except for my debt, but that will disappear in time also.
I'm in a good place to be quitting right now i think.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2007
Posts: 113
successful day today but it was a struggle
morning was terrific waking up. Been awhile since i had a good one.
cravings that worked me over later in the day focused on one thing that i can't deny, or deny yet, that it isn't the truth.
I feel better with booze in me than i'm capable of feeling sober.
I got through the day by actually telling myself that i how i feel, right now, is good enough, no matter what i was feeling at that moment. And tried to accept that the best i could. And that was true also, what i was feeling at that moment, was good enough.
Did the usual reminders also, of how bad i will feel tomorrow, how my finances are, how damaged physically i may be from drinking, etc...
But it all really comes down to no matter how i feel sober, if i have alcohol in me, i feel better than what i'm capable of feeling sober. And the stupid cravings are just reminders of that.
So that will be my struggle the rest of my life i believe with alcohol. I unfortunately found a drug that made me feel better than i'm capable of feeling without it. Unless my brain ever forgets what a drink felt like, I really think this is what i'll be doing. Trying to accept my present emotional state as good enough, which it always is, but this is while my brain remembers the easy way to an even better one.
morning was terrific waking up. Been awhile since i had a good one.
cravings that worked me over later in the day focused on one thing that i can't deny, or deny yet, that it isn't the truth.
I feel better with booze in me than i'm capable of feeling sober.
I got through the day by actually telling myself that i how i feel, right now, is good enough, no matter what i was feeling at that moment. And tried to accept that the best i could. And that was true also, what i was feeling at that moment, was good enough.
Did the usual reminders also, of how bad i will feel tomorrow, how my finances are, how damaged physically i may be from drinking, etc...
But it all really comes down to no matter how i feel sober, if i have alcohol in me, i feel better than what i'm capable of feeling sober. And the stupid cravings are just reminders of that.
So that will be my struggle the rest of my life i believe with alcohol. I unfortunately found a drug that made me feel better than i'm capable of feeling without it. Unless my brain ever forgets what a drink felt like, I really think this is what i'll be doing. Trying to accept my present emotional state as good enough, which it always is, but this is while my brain remembers the easy way to an even better one.
Member
Join Date: May 2008
Location: NY
Posts: 6,608
Originally Posted by msh58 
found this site again when i was wasted last night. Today was first day sober. I don't really know why i really think it will be different this time, last year i was sober for no longer than four days at a time, maybe i've finally slowed life down enough that i can do this.
took it real slow today. My expectations of myself, and life in general, i kept really low. day one has actually been a pretty good day.
going to be strange tomorrow waking up and not feeling completely run down.
Tonight just eating one thing after another, its been nice. Apparently i've been starved.
took it real slow today. My expectations of myself, and life in general, i kept really low. day one has actually been a pretty good day.
going to be strange tomorrow waking up and not feeling completely run down.
Tonight just eating one thing after another, its been nice. Apparently i've been starved.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2007
Posts: 113
succesful day today without alcohol. quit nicotine in the afternoon.
depression started moving in last night and lasted all day. When i went out to drive to work i realized i had a five inch crack in my windshield. my insurance doesn't cover glass so i'll be further in the hole from it. I really only have one ambition left in life, to not die while i'm still in debt, just want that taken care of before i go. Anything that effects that tends to effect me badly.
got through the day just convincing myself again that how i felt was good enough, even with depression, just accepted the depression, and it worked. So i didn't drink to change how i felt.
starting to get run down from the nicotine withdrawal, going to try to sleep through as much of it as i can for the next two weeks, beginning tonight.
Good night.
depression started moving in last night and lasted all day. When i went out to drive to work i realized i had a five inch crack in my windshield. my insurance doesn't cover glass so i'll be further in the hole from it. I really only have one ambition left in life, to not die while i'm still in debt, just want that taken care of before i go. Anything that effects that tends to effect me badly.
got through the day just convincing myself again that how i felt was good enough, even with depression, just accepted the depression, and it worked. So i didn't drink to change how i felt.
starting to get run down from the nicotine withdrawal, going to try to sleep through as much of it as i can for the next two weeks, beginning tonight.
Good night.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2009
Posts: 32
im trying to quit smoking too. and do what a friend of mine did; call up ur insurence and get window coverage. then wait three months and report a cracked window.
stay in there. like it says on the back of my NA keyring "just for the day".
for on staying clean and keep ur chin up "just for the day". tomorrow's a new day and we take this battle minute by minute, second by second. but i can tell u how good it feels to lay in bed at night and thing to yourself- "i made it".
stay in there. like it says on the back of my NA keyring "just for the day".
for on staying clean and keep ur chin up "just for the day". tomorrow's a new day and we take this battle minute by minute, second by second. but i can tell u how good it feels to lay in bed at night and thing to yourself- "i made it".
Cause no harm
Join Date: May 2007
Location: Missouri
Posts: 596
Each day always has the advantage of being a turning point in our lives. All we have to do is realize that is so. The past means nothing, unless we choose to hold on to it and repeat our actions. I prefer to allow the day to be a new, unexplored path, waiting to bring new adventures and excitement. It is the only way I can beat this affliction. I hope your path brings you the same.
Padraic
Padraic
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2007
Posts: 113
thanks to you both.
success today with alcohol, caved with nicotine, was its ***** for another day.
thing is i know how to deal with nicotine withdrawal. Two things bother me with it, even knowing how to deal with it. The constant tension, I use stretching exercises, like the ones from gym class, i even have a stretching book with more exercises and it does work. Stretching for an hour relieves just about everything, but it takes effort.
the other one is the irritability from the withdrawal towards others. I work with the public, if i take the deepest breaths possible when a person approaches me, i'm chilled out enough not to explode in their face.
I guess today i just didn't want to make the effort. Get a last taste in i guess.
success today with alcohol, caved with nicotine, was its ***** for another day.
thing is i know how to deal with nicotine withdrawal. Two things bother me with it, even knowing how to deal with it. The constant tension, I use stretching exercises, like the ones from gym class, i even have a stretching book with more exercises and it does work. Stretching for an hour relieves just about everything, but it takes effort.
the other one is the irritability from the withdrawal towards others. I work with the public, if i take the deepest breaths possible when a person approaches me, i'm chilled out enough not to explode in their face.
I guess today i just didn't want to make the effort. Get a last taste in i guess.
Cause no harm
Join Date: May 2007
Location: Missouri
Posts: 596
msh,
maybe you're biting off more that you should. Maybe tackle one addiction at a time. Both are important to quit, but I suggest you keep the alcohol on the front burner and limit your nicotine a little at a time. Eventually, when your confidence has been boosted by your success at the booze, then kick the cigs. Just a suggestion. You know yourself and your capabilities. As the days add up, so will your ability to cope. Keep the exercise going, yoga does absolute wonders for me. After a few minutes of stretches, the desire to drink is non-existent.
I wish you well, as I do for all of us.
Padraic
maybe you're biting off more that you should. Maybe tackle one addiction at a time. Both are important to quit, but I suggest you keep the alcohol on the front burner and limit your nicotine a little at a time. Eventually, when your confidence has been boosted by your success at the booze, then kick the cigs. Just a suggestion. You know yourself and your capabilities. As the days add up, so will your ability to cope. Keep the exercise going, yoga does absolute wonders for me. After a few minutes of stretches, the desire to drink is non-existent.
I wish you well, as I do for all of us.
Padraic
Resident
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Toronto, Ontario
Posts: 4,150
Deep breaths are good gut I find this breathing exercise better and have been doing it off and on for a couple of years almost daily in the morning and at night and any other time when I need to relax.
It is simply called 4-4-8.
You take a deep breath breathing in for 4 seconds, then hold for 4 secs, then exhale slowly for the 8 seconds. Do 3 sets of 12 reps.
Mentally think of breathing in the good and holding the good and when exhaling slowly think of releasing the bad.
If it does nothing else it will change your focus for 10 minutes. If you do the 3 set thing.
You can just one off it for a quick tension reliever.
Try it you will like it.
It is simply called 4-4-8.
You take a deep breath breathing in for 4 seconds, then hold for 4 secs, then exhale slowly for the 8 seconds. Do 3 sets of 12 reps.
Mentally think of breathing in the good and holding the good and when exhaling slowly think of releasing the bad.
If it does nothing else it will change your focus for 10 minutes. If you do the 3 set thing.
You can just one off it for a quick tension reliever.
Try it you will like it.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2007
Posts: 113
always been worried with this online stuff that i would be recognized by someone i know in 3d. I'm in the closet about my mental illness and addiction problems but i'm sure people i know suspect something.
Happened the other way around last night reading through one of those threads that go on for months. I recognized a person here who i knew as a kid.
Whole thing has me paranoid though. I'm paranoid anyway to begin with, think i've got to scrap the online stuff, find a different way to get sober. Just wanted to say thanks for the help here, i'm going to log off and let my threads roll off the pages.
thanks again
Happened the other way around last night reading through one of those threads that go on for months. I recognized a person here who i knew as a kid.
Whole thing has me paranoid though. I'm paranoid anyway to begin with, think i've got to scrap the online stuff, find a different way to get sober. Just wanted to say thanks for the help here, i'm going to log off and let my threads roll off the pages.
thanks again
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