HopeTo180

It all started with a visit to my parents. We went out for dinner. My mom said she wanted a margarita and asked me to join her. I never told her I was an alcoholic. After drinking one margarita I knew I was back to day one. I thought of telling this story on SR. Because I was starting over, I figured I’d first do a little experiment, a very dangerous experiment.

I bought an 18 back and drank 9 beers. The next day I drank 9. The next day I bought another 18 pack and drank 9. It went on like this for two weeks.

The results are as follows:
Stopped taking vitamins
Stopped exercising.
Felt like sh_t and drank to feel better
I felt the bad routine re-anchored
Just want to be left alone
Isolation
One negative activity attracts another
Added nicotine to the mix
When it rains it pours
Serious sleep problems (2-3 hours at a time)
Pounding headaches are back
My body feels poisoned
Eating unhealthy
Stressed out
While in public, I wonder if people can tell
My face feels distorted (pain)
The bloated feeling is back
I feel ugly
Anxiety

I spent yesterday recovering from all the self-abuse. I got a few hours of sleep thorough out the day. Today I feel well enough to write. I slept 12 hours. What kept going through my mind was “You drink to feel good for a few hours then feel like crap the entire next day. Because you feel like crap the entire next day, you drink to feel better, if only for a few hours”. What a downward spiral. What a trap.

I will throw myself back into a healthy routine full of knowledge that when you play with fire, you get burned.

flutter

Welcome back to a fresh start, I'm sorry that you are feeling so yucky.

Lesson learned huh? (please.. if it was that easy, none of us would be here.. just dust off, feel better).

Glad you're here, you have a ton of sobriety under your belt to prove how strong and healthy you can be, and I admire that.

Anna

Hope,

I'm sorry you got caught up in the craziness again.

I know it hurts in many ways.

Learn from this and move on. I learned the hard way too. I couldn't be around people who were drinking, not at all, for quite awhile. You can get through this!

stone

130 days is a great achievement! You might be back to day one but you are not back to square one...you now know what keeps you sober.

The slip is in the past, keep things in the day, start again.

coffeenut

What a powerful post, Hope. Thank you.

Glad you're here.

least

Get back up, dust yourself off, learn from it, move forward again. You can do it, you've done it before and can do it again. Just don't pick up, one day, one hour, one minute at a time.

Glad you're back!

Aysha

Cant add much more..Keep trying

readyforhelp

Thank you for the post. What a great reminder!

Bamboozle

Hello, Hopeto.

You're not starting over...the days you have under your belt are progress. You are very aware of the effects that alcohol has on you and you are commited to beating this thing. Hang in there and chin up!

CarolD

Glad your going to get back on track....

TryingSoHard

I was horribly afraid of this exact thing happening to me in early December when I went on my NYC vacation with my mom. I never did tell her about my drinking problem, and I very well may never tell her. Somehow I made it through those 4 days without joining her in having a drink. Thank you for sharing this story of experience and reminding me what I would have been doing to myself - and would do to myself ANY TIME I choose to drink.


Absolutely. Thank you AGAIN! You are very right. I'm glad you can see that now. Maybe you should write that down and carry it in your wallet as a reminder.

You have a good bit of sober time as an experience base now. You CAN do it again.

I hope you feel better tomorrow. :ghug

SeaHorse

For me personally, dining out is a MAJOR TRIGGER. And I am giving up that one little pleasure for now, and as long as I have to, to stay sober. I equate dinner out with a few glasses of wine.

I almost had a friend talk me into going out to dinner with him, he just would not listen or care that I did not want to go, even after explaining I would not enjoy it because I would just crave wine the whole time...he ended up cancelling on ME the next day...but made me realize I should have said NO, but it was my people pleasing behavior, not wanting to **** him off, that I almost went. So I am also taking a vacation from this friend and his crazymaking behavior, the last three times he made plans with me, he cancelled them the next day...:wtf2
And after I start talking to him again and he tries to make plans i am going to say NO because of what he does and he will get pissed but that is his problem
So welcome back and always be vigilant of triggers and put you first! :ghug3

HopeTo180

Thanks everyone for your support. I'm on day 3 (again) and doing fine. I've managed to slip right back into a healthy routine. I do believe, in hind sight, that we should disclose our alcoholism to family and friends. This will help them to help ourselves. Prayers

Eclipse

Good job getting back in there. At least it only took you two weeks for get back on track, I was more like 2 month. It is really a relief to not drink....

Keep up the good work.

BKP

My family is into drinking, my friends were but seem to have stopped or altered old ways because of abuse of substances. You can only make the correct decisions for yourself and these decisions are forever. I can drink a water, soda, coffee, beer or mixed drink in two sips so enjoying a beverage is something I can't do, but I love coffee, water and tonic so find an alternative when going out. You are back!!!!

KindBird

What a gift your thread is Hope - I am back on day 2 after about 45 days sober then about 3 weeks of on again, off again. Reading your experience makes me know something I have been feeling - that cleaning up makes me realize how really yucky it is when I drink - you did such a good job of spelling out the YUCK. When you were drinking regularly did you know all these things happened because of drinking? I know I did not. Clearing it out makes me so aware of what it is like when it moves back in.

Thanks to all the other posters on this thread too - lots of good support and so much wisdom too.

Glad I found this tread..

CAPTAINZING2000

Not sure if, you've ever read the Big Book of A.A. or not.

The 3 rd edition tells about a business man that gave up drinking for over 30 some years to concentrate on his work. Shortly after retiring, the man started drinking and was dead in a few years.

Once you're a pickle, you can never go back to being a cucumber again.

Reading what you wrote, you understand what happends after you drink.

Work on the solutions and your triggers. Tell your parents, you can't drink.
You were offered a drink by your Mother. She had no clue to your drinking behavior at all??

Unless, your parents aren't concerned with your welfare at all, they'll be supportive of your efforts to stop drinking. Family support is very vital.

You mentioned 130 days of not drinking. Try not to think of it in the long term just one day at a time.

shanman422

So glad to see your back on the right track again. You fell down, but you are picking yourself back up again and that's fantastic!