Brian

Hey guys tonight marks the 9th day I have gone without a drink. I feel really good about that fact and up untill about ten minutes ago was feeling really great about that fact.

I just got a call from a buddy of mine and he wanted to know what I was doing tomorrow night because they are having a graduation party for his fiance, who just graduated college. He said that he plans on getting a keg in the morning and she is making jello-shots tonight for the party. I told him that I didn't know what I was doing tomorrow but I wasn't drinking tonight and didn't plan on drinking tomorrow.

It wasn't what he said but how he said it. He said, "Well........Ok........Whatever?" And then there was this long pause in the conversation and he waited for me to fill the void. I've always thought this guy was more than just a drinking buddy, and I've told him before how I feel about my own drinking and how I know that I have a problem. He didn't seem to care that I was trying to better myself, instead it seemed like I was being selfish in his eyes for not celebrating his fiance's graduation, which I think is awesome and I am happy for her.

I know that I am not going to be able to keep alot of my friends with these wholesale changes I am going to be making in my life, but I thought that maybe he was one who would stick around. I feel like I should call him back with some sort of explanation, but then I also feel like I should say "F*** IT" and if he wants to talk to me he has my number and he knows I don't want to drink with him, so he can call me under those circumstances if he wants.

I guess maybe this is just the first real example of what it is going to take to do this, and it kind of smacked me in the face when it happened.

Not sure where I am going here, I guess I just needed to say that considering I feel a little better already. Thanks for reading and thanks for your support.


P.S. This place really is freakin sweet!!!!!!!

coffeenut

Okay....breathe!

And remember, you are sober, for YOU. Not another thing. Not another person. Not another thing matters.

Things are going to change...for the Better.

Keep posting. Keep reading.

Dee74

I know a lot of my friends felt uncomfortable around me once I stopped drinking and they didn't...but - bar the diehard alcoholics - they came back. We all just had to get used to the new way of doing things.

Most of my friends didn't give a crap tho - and that maybe what the 'whatever' response was about?

Normies don't always get why drinking/not drinking is such a BIG FREAKIN' DEAL for us LOL.


Tread carefully if you go to this kegger tho, ok?

D

Aysha

It is always sad to experience something like that.
Sometimes people dont know what to think when we say things out of the ordinary.
Or maybe now you know where that relationship really stands.
Either way. You are doing something good for yourself. And if others cant accept or understand. Then your better off.
I know it sucks. Not everyone will be like that.
Keep doing you.

Anna

Yeah, it could be that he thought you should come anyways. And, I think you were saying you wouldn't want to be around people who were drinking (which is a really smart choice, at this point). Like Dee said, he probably didn't get what a big deal it is to you.
That's the reason that most of us come here, because we do get it. It is a big deal and you're doing great. Yes, there will be growing pains with recovery, but you know it's worth it.

parentrecovers

some folks won't understand your new way of thinking, brian. stay safe, and don't take it personally. congrats on your sober days. be grateful for those.

hugs, k

Brian

You guys think I should call him with an explanation? I don't want to put myself in that situation.

I thought he would get it because it's kinda understood that the sole purpose of the party is to get hammered. My friends don't really do anything else when we all get all get together.

Plus I don't really know how to bring the subject up at this point. I've quit so many times before that I feel they are almost annoyed with me swearing off alcohol again.

Brian

I meant not put myself in the situation of being at the party, not the situation of having to give an explanation necessarily.

michigangirl

i think you should just wait it out right now. maybe call tommorow.

michigangirl

Most of my friends only get together to get hammered too. I have not had to deal with that situation yet. If you do feel you need to explain, maybe call back and just say, please congrat (??) on the graduation and tell her sorry I cant make it, and then maybe give a brief explanation if you feel you need too. And be careful if you decide to go. You have made it this far.

coffeenut

I don't think he needs an explanation. I think you're worrying about it Much more than he is.

Lenina

My post didn't appear but I wrote to ask why you felt the need to offer an explanation. You are trying to live a more healthy life, no more of an explanation than that.

Love,

Lenina

Brian

If my post made it sound like I was flipping out right now, that was not my intention nor is it my state of mind. I'm still pretty calm and collected, not sure about cool, I just think that his reaction had more to do with the fact that I don't want to drink and less to do with anything else. Me and him have had conversations at length about my drinking and he more than most should know how I feel. Taking that into consideration I thought his reaction was less than warm. That kind of upset me, thats all I was trying to say.

least

If it were me I'd call him and nicely but firmly tell him that as much as I'd like to help him celebrate his girlfriend's graduation, I don't feel good about being around so much alcohol so new in your sobriety. Or if you felt strong enough, maybe just go very early in the party before everyone gets smashed, and then quietly leave. It's up to you. But if he's a good friend he'll understand.

His "whatever" response may have just been that he didn't know what to say to your new sobriety. You may want to call him and nicely tell him you don't mean to offend by not attending, or by attending and not drinking, just to put the ball in his court. If you give him a polite explanation then it's up to him to call you again or not. I would try a nice phone call to him before you write off this friendship.

Congrats on your sober time!:ghug3

michigangirl

Brian, I think one of my biggest struggles (and reasons why I waited for so long to quit drinking) was the effect it would have on my friendships(and social life). That is the hardest part of this change for me at this point in time. As others have said and I do believe... maybe our hard core drinking friends will eventually come to us for help someday when they see we can do it. I know of one friend that quit a couple years ago, and I have often wanted to call him to say "how the H*ll did you do it"

But, we are here now, making new friends.........

flutter

I've been thru that too.. often thought I should at least make an "appearance" if it was a celebration of something.. but then found that if I'd go, I'd be all grumpy and resentful.. early in sobriety you have to just look out for YOU.

If he's a friend, it shouldn't matter.. does he know it's because you are sober now, and not wanting to be around alcohol? If he truly didn't know that, and just thought you were blowing it off, that might be different. Or if he just thought you were "not drinking tonight or tomorrow", and not for good..

Just take care of you, I've learned a lot about my 'friends', thank goodness I'm married cuz I'd sure be lonely by now... they all kinda disappeared when I sobered up!

mellowchick

Brian,

Congrats on your clean time! I found that early in my sobriety that I had to tread carefully around people who were using. It was really hard for me to be around people who were using so I distanced myself from them because it was best for ME and my SOBRIETY. You have to think of you and put what's best for you first. Keep reading and posting! Hugs...

TryingSoHard

I 100% agree with Least. She said almost word for word what I was going to say!

I certainly understand why you feel the way you do after your conversation with him. FWIW I didn't get the impression at all that you were "flipping out", just that it really caught you off guard and you didn't know how to react. Just don't let his reaction (or lack of one) affect you. Keep it about you and your sobriety. You're doing GREAT, really.

:ghug2

Mark75

I like what's been said.

If you go, watch out for how you feel... if you feel self pity, shame, resentment, think about leaving, sooner rather than later. Maybe go long enough to give her a card. My only party attendance since my Sept sobriety wasn't all that great... I felt pretty sh*tty.

Be really kind to yourself. What you are doing is hard, but very worthwhile. Don't make it any harder than you have to.

I got smacked in the face a lot early on... you'll get used to it...

Brian

Thank you all for your responses they mean alot and you guys are so smart!

I went to a meeting and was able to think about things a little more since I left my house and posted last. I've always been one to jump to conclusions or read too much into things, so whatever his intentions or lack of intentions I'm not going worry about. I feel pretty lonely right now and that is not a feeling that I am used to. I decided to call him tomorrow and explain why I don't think I should come to the party and see if they want to meet for lunch another day. I'm not going to :horse (sorry I've been dying to use that one) so I'll leave it at that.

Cubile thanks for the warning about getting smacked alot. Maybe some of us need it more than others.