My new family!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Pasco Wa
Posts: 20
My new family!
Howdy all!
My name is James, I am here because I have just learned that I have a problem/disease. I have had a very long history of unstable behavior/ mental problems. Only in the last few days I have found that I have been in denial of these problems. Desperate to fit in with everyone else, I hid the problem and smoked lots of pot to curb my manic episodes. Fortunately I have been lucky to not have an addictive personality. I quit a few months ago, (when my kids were taken away)
By far the hardest time in my life. I sit here typing in tears, It hurts sooo bad. But it's time to face the music I guess.
I dont want to feel this way any more! I have been institutionalized off and on since I was 11 years old until I was 18. My denial started when I had a choice to take control of my own life. I was taken off social security and I just gave up. I used drugs to feel good, instead of talking with people about how I felt. I hid from the problem for more that 12years.
I just started in a chemical dependancy program, and it has helped me see what I have been doing the last 12years. Denial, something so strong it drags you deep into the darkest chasm. I just hope that through sober friendships and support from the AA/NA community I can find that ray of hope and climb the ladder, or take the steps that will lead me to the light.
Thank you all so much for being here for me and all the others here that so desperately need help.
Thank you and Happy Days!
My name is James, I am here because I have just learned that I have a problem/disease. I have had a very long history of unstable behavior/ mental problems. Only in the last few days I have found that I have been in denial of these problems. Desperate to fit in with everyone else, I hid the problem and smoked lots of pot to curb my manic episodes. Fortunately I have been lucky to not have an addictive personality. I quit a few months ago, (when my kids were taken away)
By far the hardest time in my life. I sit here typing in tears, It hurts sooo bad. But it's time to face the music I guess. I dont want to feel this way any more! I have been institutionalized off and on since I was 11 years old until I was 18. My denial started when I had a choice to take control of my own life. I was taken off social security and I just gave up. I used drugs to feel good, instead of talking with people about how I felt. I hid from the problem for more that 12years.
I just started in a chemical dependancy program, and it has helped me see what I have been doing the last 12years. Denial, something so strong it drags you deep into the darkest chasm. I just hope that through sober friendships and support from the AA/NA community I can find that ray of hope and climb the ladder, or take the steps that will lead me to the light.
Thank you all so much for being here for me and all the others here that so desperately need help.
Thank you and Happy Days!
Member
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Syracuse, NY
Posts: 331
James,
I worked in non secure detention with kids with various issues, mental health, behavior and it was stressful but i allowed my eyes and ears to stay open unlike some of the staff that just barked orders, i have been hitting the bottle for years and my mother is also an alcholic but is in denial you need to prove to yourself you can overcome and welcome to this place, it is much better than meetings in my opinion i am 6 days sober and tomorrow i will be one week without a taste, drop or sip.
I worked in non secure detention with kids with various issues, mental health, behavior and it was stressful but i allowed my eyes and ears to stay open unlike some of the staff that just barked orders, i have been hitting the bottle for years and my mother is also an alcholic but is in denial you need to prove to yourself you can overcome and welcome to this place, it is much better than meetings in my opinion i am 6 days sober and tomorrow i will be one week without a taste, drop or sip.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,476
Hi Reedy,
Welcome!
I think you are not alone in how denial caused a huge impact on your life. Denial is part of the disease of addiction. It sounds like you are ready to face yourself and your life and deal with your issues.
I am so glad that you found us.
Welcome!
I think you are not alone in how denial caused a huge impact on your life. Denial is part of the disease of addiction. It sounds like you are ready to face yourself and your life and deal with your issues.
I am so glad that you found us.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Pasco Wa
Posts: 20
Me too! 
I guess my part of addiction is that I have been medicated since I was 6 years old. When I got older I thought I could deal with it and try as much as possible to be "normal." Now I know that normal is just 6 letters and not actually a state of mind. It's getting easier to face what really is.
I have a problem. Only I can change me! And before that happens, I have to admit what I have been trying to avoid for so many years. I am not normal, and I must face it. Or it will drag me down, and I will never be the "Daddy" I want to be.
Thank you all so much
James
I guess my part of addiction is that I have been medicated since I was 6 years old. When I got older I thought I could deal with it and try as much as possible to be "normal." Now I know that normal is just 6 letters and not actually a state of mind. It's getting easier to face what really is. I have a problem. Only I can change me! And before that happens, I have to admit what I have been trying to avoid for so many years. I am not normal, and I must face it. Or it will drag me down, and I will never be the "Daddy" I want to be.
Thank you all so much
James
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