bitthedust

hey wasup guys ... kinda new to this whole thing so ill just go for it... guess it all started one day when i was 12 ... picked up that first joint ... never really thought anything of it. but now just 5 years later i dont know what happened. my parents hate me my friends are worried about me and im thinkin its time to start over. i never thought i was truly addicted to anything and still dont think i am. i mean i just enjoy getting high. anything really wrong with that? people say there is guess i never saw the problem till now. just opening my mind right? thats what i thought too. i mean my drug of choice.. u name it i woulda tried it. not sayin 6 days clean is somethin to really be proud of but its a start. its wierd though im starting to feel like a different person. ive tried ne thing from coke to acid. i mean i just wanted to see what they did so i never thought anything of it. then came along this lil pill x. changed everything. now i cant even be happy again.. havin a hard time ... i havent done that in about 2 weeks but i noticed something different. its almost like something changed in my mind. i cant see the world the way i used to nothing makes me as happy any more. i guess ill get over that though with time. ive been sent to rehab arrested twice and i still feel like whats wrong with gettin a lil high? guess i didnt realize how much it hurt others in my family ... i didnt realize how much of a jerk i really was... i mean while my father was in the hospital i couldnt even take time outta my high to stand by his side... i cant even sit here without lookin back and cryin at what ive done ... guess its really time for a turn around ... everytime ive been to a rehab or an out patient they always said only you can make you wanna be sober... only you can change what you think ... then one day i sat down and it just all hit me... i sat and stared at my wall for 3 hours without a drug in my system and thought about what ive done and who i was becoming ... my mom made one great point to me witch kinda cleared it all up for ... when i was young i would sit down with a book and say o cool look a police man or o a fire fighter thats what i wanna be... never once did i dream of bein a addict ... but guess thats what ive become. something i gotta live with. i still dont wanna say it but i mean is it really all worth it? just to get a lil high:wtf2

readyforhelp

I like your title -- tryin'.

Thanks for your post and welcome. It is a little disturbing when one is finally able to take an honest look at themselves. Well done.

I wish you luck in your journey and hope you stick around here. These boards have been a great help to me.

Anna

Hi,

Yeah, none of us sat down as kids, and said we wanted to become an addict. But, here we are.

It's what you do now, that matters.

Focus on your recovery and you can move forward.

Hevyn

bitthedust, your life as an addict can be just a bad dream you look back on one day. Be proud of yourself for having the sense to reach out and try for a better life. Many never see what they're doing to themselves, especially not at 17. I'm not going to tell you what you already know - that you need to get off the stuff so you can get yourself a life - so I'll just ask you to please keep posting and let us know how you're doing. We care, and want to see you get well.

grrrr

Hi,
Welcome to SR. This is a great place for support and information. Hope you hang around.
For a long time I thought that getting high was the best feeling. Now I find that getting to know myself and experiencing real emotions is what feeling is all about.
K

BKP

You sober= addict in the past. I am looking at my old drunken self the same way, day by day till they lower my casket.

CarolD

Welcome...

AA helps me so much ...are you attending NA?