3rd day sober
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: finding a home
Posts: 109
3rd day sober
I thank you all for your support. Yesterday was bad, today a bit better. I still have some shakes, sweats, and bad depression. I spent Monday morning in bed trying to recover, but by mid day I grabbed some money, put on some glasses and was out to the nearest store and back fast with a new bottle of Vodka. Laid back into bed and drank a 5th of the bottle. I was so drunk this time where I just couldn't hide it. No food in my stomach. My to baby girls one 5months and the other 4 years old, I can't say I've been a good mother because they have a live in nanny who takes good care of them. I think having this nanny has made me more irresponsible with my drinking. My husband came home that day and saw me at my worse, falling all over the place with an excuse that I was sick with the flu, what a lier. He knew before I was getting out of control but didn't realize how bad I really was. If I drank 2pts I always made him believe that it was only 1/2 of pint. I would stop drinking for two or three weeks and then convience him to have a couple. I would hide a small 5th of vodka, and have a couple with him while drinking the bottle I had hidden. Never being honest on really how much I was drinking. My tolorence was huge just burning a hole threw my liver. I now have a huge pain on my side, went to get it checked yesterday because tuesday I could't get out of bed. I'm worried and scared that this nightmare will never end. And the worse thing about my drinking today, it's not fun anymore. There's more guilt than happiness. I'm just this horrible person when I drink. I don't know who I've become. I'm a prisoner in my addiction. Please help me. I can't stand the embarrassment. My memory is shot I'm trying to spell and I can't. Please help me stay sober. My first drink was when I was 13 years old, didn't really start drinking until I was 17. And it's been a rollercoaster since then. What I'm doing different today is that I'm letting you know, my husband know, the level of problem. I'm not shy when I drink. So I shouldn't hide behind the 13 yearold shygirl and be honest with those who love me and want me to get well. Starting with my husband and sure enough with me. Thank you for listening. First time sharing.
Psalm 118:24
Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: ILLINOIS
Posts: 15,203
If, there was no money in the house, what would you have done to buy liquor?
Would you have resorted to trying something else to get you drunk or high?
My thoughts are of the safety of your kids!!
Would you have resorted to trying something else to get you drunk or high?
My thoughts are of the safety of your kids!!
Member
Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: Los Angeles, California
Posts: 8,326
((((Shygirl))))
I'm sorry you're feeling so bad. Have you considered inpatient treatment? Getting out of your environment to a safe place might be a good idea. You have babies to bring up and you don't want to continue on like you have been.
Love,
Lenina
I'm sorry you're feeling so bad. Have you considered inpatient treatment? Getting out of your environment to a safe place might be a good idea. You have babies to bring up and you don't want to continue on like you have been.
Love,
Lenina
Member
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: TX
Posts: 542
Hey shygirl, welcome to SR. Alcoholism is a very progressive and destructive disease. Medically supervised detox would be a good idea. Being honest is a must if you are going to have a chance at sobriety. Good luck and keep us posted.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: finding a home
Posts: 109
Originally Posted by CAPTAINZING2000 
If, there was no money in the house, what would you have done to buy liquor?
Would you have resorted to trying something else to get you drunk or high?
My thoughts are of the safety of your kids!!
Would you have resorted to trying something else to get you drunk or high?
My thoughts are of the safety of your kids!!
Forum Leader
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Scottsdale, AZ, one big happy dysfunctional family!
Posts: 23,047
Quote:
Originally Posted by Shygirl
My first drink was when I was 13 years old, didn't really start drinking until I was 17.
Hi Shygirl, and welcome to SR. Thank you for sharing, I admire your honesty. It took me a long time to get that honest with myself.
One of the ways I learned to admit I was an alcoholic was by listening for the similarities in our stories rather than trying to find the differences. I started drinking around 13 or 14, and became a daily drinker at 16 when I worked in the restaurant business. For the next 25 years I burned through one dysfunctional relationship after another, two marriages, and along the way I somehow managed to father two children. See what I mean about similarities? I can identify with a lot of your story.
You can find a lot of help and support here, AA is a great resource that's worked for me, and there are other programs of recovery that you can check out until you find something that works for you. For me, it began with a commitment to never take a drink again. Do a safe detox, and I promise you won't die from not drinking again. It is possible to live a healthy and happy life without alcohol, but it requires hard work and determination.
Best wishes to you in your recovery. Hope you continue to read and post here.
Originally Posted by Shygirl
My first drink was when I was 13 years old, didn't really start drinking until I was 17.
Hi Shygirl, and welcome to SR. Thank you for sharing, I admire your honesty. It took me a long time to get that honest with myself.
One of the ways I learned to admit I was an alcoholic was by listening for the similarities in our stories rather than trying to find the differences. I started drinking around 13 or 14, and became a daily drinker at 16 when I worked in the restaurant business. For the next 25 years I burned through one dysfunctional relationship after another, two marriages, and along the way I somehow managed to father two children. See what I mean about similarities? I can identify with a lot of your story.
You can find a lot of help and support here, AA is a great resource that's worked for me, and there are other programs of recovery that you can check out until you find something that works for you. For me, it began with a commitment to never take a drink again. Do a safe detox, and I promise you won't die from not drinking again. It is possible to live a healthy and happy life without alcohol, but it requires hard work and determination.
Best wishes to you in your recovery. Hope you continue to read and post here.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2009
Posts: 1,385
Hi Shygirl,
Are you ready to admit that you are an alcoholic? Are you ready to admit that you have alcoholism? That was a really big step for me. It probably is for you as well. You know you have a problem. But now you need to really get going on taking steps to improve your life. You are doing the right thing by telling your husband. It is VERY important to him and to your kids. Being honest with yourself and those you love is crucial for living as someone with alcoholism. Alcoholism doesn't just go away. It stays with us all the time. Learn how to live with being sober and DO NOT fool yourself into thinking it is OK to drink EVER again. I have only 8 days and feel a little uneasy to be telling you this, but it is something I wish someone would have told me long ago. One last thing, loneliness is huge with alcoholics. Perhaps you are not lonely, but if you are, consider AA meetings as a place where "your people" can be found. They are waiting for you. We alcoholics need each other, so keep coming back to SR. I know I will.
KenL
Are you ready to admit that you are an alcoholic? Are you ready to admit that you have alcoholism? That was a really big step for me. It probably is for you as well. You know you have a problem. But now you need to really get going on taking steps to improve your life. You are doing the right thing by telling your husband. It is VERY important to him and to your kids. Being honest with yourself and those you love is crucial for living as someone with alcoholism. Alcoholism doesn't just go away. It stays with us all the time. Learn how to live with being sober and DO NOT fool yourself into thinking it is OK to drink EVER again. I have only 8 days and feel a little uneasy to be telling you this, but it is something I wish someone would have told me long ago. One last thing, loneliness is huge with alcoholics. Perhaps you are not lonely, but if you are, consider AA meetings as a place where "your people" can be found. They are waiting for you. We alcoholics need each other, so keep coming back to SR. I know I will.
KenL
Forum Leader
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Scottsdale, AZ, one big happy dysfunctional family!
Posts: 23,047
Originally Posted by KenL
Are you ready to admit that you are an alcoholic? Are you ready to admit that you have alcoholism? That was a really big step for me. It probably is for you as well. You know you have a problem. But now you need to really get going on taking steps to improve your life. You are doing the right thing by telling your husband. It is VERY important to him and to your kids. Being honest with yourself and those you love is crucial for living as someone with alcoholism. Alcoholism doesn't just go away. It stays with us all the time. Learn how to live with being sober and DO NOT fool yourself into thinking it is OK to drink EVER again. I have only 8 days and feel a little uneasy to be telling you this, but it is something I wish someone would have told me long ago. One last thing, loneliness is huge with alcoholics. Perhaps you are not lonely, but if you are, consider AA meetings as a place where "your people" can be found. They are waiting for you. We alcoholics need each other, so keep coming back to SR. I know I will.
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