Where was I???
Member
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: UK
Posts: 263
Sonky: I live in Yorkshire. In England. And it's January. So, is it raining? Need I mention bears!?
Anyway, seems to me that there's always bittersweet in everything we see as good: truth, love, life. Sure there's sadness. But there's a wide world of difference between appreciating the beauty of sadness and drowning in the desolation of the soul. I suppose with real sadness that maybe every single person who is looking to stop drinking knows that.
I don't mean to be sad, but I do live in a northern tundra, a windswept and bleak place of lost fortunes and forlorn hope... for God's sake I can see the Bronte's house from my bedroom window! Wuthering Heights? Pah, after the wool and cotton industry declines, if Heathcliffe lived around here today he'd be thought of as quite cheerful.
Anyway, seems to me that there's always bittersweet in everything we see as good: truth, love, life. Sure there's sadness. But there's a wide world of difference between appreciating the beauty of sadness and drowning in the desolation of the soul. I suppose with real sadness that maybe every single person who is looking to stop drinking knows that.
I don't mean to be sad, but I do live in a northern tundra, a windswept and bleak place of lost fortunes and forlorn hope... for God's sake I can see the Bronte's house from my bedroom window! Wuthering Heights? Pah, after the wool and cotton industry declines, if Heathcliffe lived around here today he'd be thought of as quite cheerful.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Newcastle, Australia
Posts: 54
It's just that being here where I live it is very hard to imagine that any place can be that cold and bleak. I live 35 mins from the East Coast of Australia. Being a southerner (hemisphere-wise) it is summer here, and while it is overcast today, it is still warm enough to swim.
Now, I ask myself, what have I got to complain about? Why do I drink? I look around my house, the 5 acres outside, the pool and spa, my vegie patch that is growing out of control (from neglect), the chickens that give us free eggs in exchange for kitchen scraps. I see my husband's work vehicles and equipment and my kids toys and swings and bikes. I see my cat (who doesn't seem to care about much of anything, as is a cat's wont) and my dog who is happy to see me no matter what.
Yesterday I decided to stop saying "Why do I drink?", today I am taking a bit of stock of what I am and what I have done (that may be why I am drivvelling on a bit) and I say, for all these reasons, I am NOT going to drink today. Hopefully I will be able to say this for many more days and weeks to come.
And maybe, because of all that I am feeling (including the incredible urge to have a drink regardless) I am finding a little too much sadness in everything right now. Give me a few days to regain to ability to see beauty again. I hope you are still here with me when that happens.
Now, I ask myself, what have I got to complain about? Why do I drink? I look around my house, the 5 acres outside, the pool and spa, my vegie patch that is growing out of control (from neglect), the chickens that give us free eggs in exchange for kitchen scraps. I see my husband's work vehicles and equipment and my kids toys and swings and bikes. I see my cat (who doesn't seem to care about much of anything, as is a cat's wont) and my dog who is happy to see me no matter what.
Yesterday I decided to stop saying "Why do I drink?", today I am taking a bit of stock of what I am and what I have done (that may be why I am drivvelling on a bit) and I say, for all these reasons, I am NOT going to drink today. Hopefully I will be able to say this for many more days and weeks to come.
And maybe, because of all that I am feeling (including the incredible urge to have a drink regardless) I am finding a little too much sadness in everything right now. Give me a few days to regain to ability to see beauty again. I hope you are still here with me when that happens.
Looking For Myself...Sober
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: Where the heart is
Posts: 10,209
Originally Posted by Sonky 
Being a southerner (hemisphere-wise) it is summer here, and while it is overcast today, it is still warm enough to swim.
Now, I ask myself, what have I got to complain about? Why do I drink? I look around my house, the 5 acres outside, the pool and spa, my vegie patch that is growing out of control (from neglect), the chickens that give us free eggs in exchange for kitchen scraps. I see my husband's work vehicles and equipment and my kids toys and swings and bikes. I see my cat (who doesn't seem to care about much of anything, as is a cat's wont) and my dog who is happy to see me no matter what.
And maybe, because of all that I am feeling (including the incredible urge to have a drink regardless) I am finding a little too much sadness in everything right now. Give me a few days to regain to ability to see beauty again. I hope you are still here with me when that happens.
Now, I ask myself, what have I got to complain about? Why do I drink? I look around my house, the 5 acres outside, the pool and spa, my vegie patch that is growing out of control (from neglect), the chickens that give us free eggs in exchange for kitchen scraps. I see my husband's work vehicles and equipment and my kids toys and swings and bikes. I see my cat (who doesn't seem to care about much of anything, as is a cat's wont) and my dog who is happy to see me no matter what.
And maybe, because of all that I am feeling (including the incredible urge to have a drink regardless) I am finding a little too much sadness in everything right now. Give me a few days to regain to ability to see beauty again. I hope you are still here with me when that happens.
I will go just sit somewhere quiet. And your by the ocean. OMG..I would kill for that again. Just sit and clear your thoughts. Just relax and look around you. Listen to whats around you. Just be in that very moment.
Look around at what you have to be thankful for. Look for the simple..little things. Not the materials. But the nice weather. The kids playing. The sound of nature. The breeze in your face. The clouds rolling by. Just things liek that.
Thats what grounds me. It is a feeling so peaceful and freeing.
I often wondered why I got high. Nothing ever happened to me. I didnt have it bad. I was spoiled. I have a great family. I stopped trying to understand why. because I dont think I will ever know.
All that matters is how I am going to stay clean. And the why in that purpose as well.
Why I used is over. Why I DONT want to use anymore is all I need to see.
You can do it. Just take it slow. Dont think too much . It will only make you crazy.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: Colorado Springs, CO
Posts: 2,391
Welcome Sonky. Parenting in recovery can be a struggle but my reward is awesome. I have been clean and sober for almost two years now and my house is still messy and my kids still go to school with clothes on inside out sometimes. I'm a mother not a miracle worker. I HAD to change how I saw mothering. I was on that "perfect mother" bus and it crashed hard. I don't even try for perfection these days and my kids do so much better. We have so much fun even with a layer of dust on the TV. The laughs that come from this house are amazing.
Maybe one day I'll be the perfect housewife but I doubt it. I'm a great human being though and a pretty darn good mother.
Oh, and it is -20 deg F. here today, I would enjoy your weather so much, at least for a day.
Maybe one day I'll be the perfect housewife but I doubt it. I'm a great human being though and a pretty darn good mother.
Oh, and it is -20 deg F. here today, I would enjoy your weather so much, at least for a day.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Newcastle, Australia
Posts: 54
Thanks heaps, Latte. I caught myself a few times this evening actually enjoying making dinner. It didn't matter that my son broke an egg all over the bench top, or that the crumbing mix got on the floor. I was making DINNER, no leftovers or dishing out take away, and my kids were helping me and we were LAUGHING as the mess we made.
It matters, even after only day 2, that my kids were actually asking for vegetables for dinner!!!
It matters, even after only day 2, that my kids were actually asking for vegetables for dinner!!!
live to ride ride to live
Join Date: May 2007
Location: New England
Posts: 1,390
getting sober has brought so much laughter back in my life it's great. The house is a little cleaner but I don't worry about that. I'm grateful to have this wonderful new life with my kids.
keep moving forward and enjoy the little things
keep moving forward and enjoy the little things
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Newcastle, Australia
Posts: 54
Thanks for everything today guys. The highlight was when I put my 6yo son to bed and he said, "You have been so nice to me today, Mummy." and gave me a big hug.
If that doesn't get me to stay on this path that I have started, I don't know what ever will.
It's bedtime here, folks. I have now completed Day 2 and am looking forward to starting another day without a hangover tomorrow!!!
'night all!!:praying
If that doesn't get me to stay on this path that I have started, I don't know what ever will.
It's bedtime here, folks. I have now completed Day 2 and am looking forward to starting another day without a hangover tomorrow!!!
'night all!!:praying
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