nickishine

After waking this a.m. and really wanting sobriety yet the chatter in my head telling me to drink cuz the pain of it all was overwhelming, I decided to come here and visit you all.

The holidays which looked so positively wonderful a month ago, led me out and all I can really say is "I don't know what happened". Working, doing some meetings, staying busy and next thing was a blurr. As hopeless as I'm feeling right now, I know it will get better because it did before this happened. I will fight and I will do this with your help cuz I'm so sick of this disease and what it does to me and others & those affected by it. This time could have taken me out as I almost OD'd two times on pills with the alcohol. My worst fear was coming to and knowing I'm still here. I'm not supposed to die yet otherwise I think I would have. I know there's always a next time, but really fear being brain dead instead of just gone. I don't know my purpose and don't know how to get well, but do know I just don't want to feel like this anymore and keep doing this insanity.

I will give today a chance. I won't drink "just for today" and see how tomorrow evolves. I have committed to go to a meeting tonight (and probably tomorrow night) and that's all I can predict right now. I do want LIFE. Not the life like I've known... I want to change. I want to grow. I want to live, differently!!!

Thanks for your time!!
Nicki

nickishine

Sorry you guys! Didn't really know what kind of forum this was until after posting! Forgive????

Nicki

least

Perhaps one of our wonderful mods will move this to Newcomers. Until then, glad you're with us!:ghug3

nickishine

Thanks Least!

I know I posted this morning here and later was on the other site and thought I could post there as well -- it may be similar to this one. Realized it was different than I thought... oops! I'll get this straight sooner than later!

Thanks for helping!!

Pam08

Welcome back to SR...very glad you made it back. One day at a time is all any of us can do...meetings meetings meetings and get a sponsor..that and praying, how I stay sober....'
Not everyone makes it back so today is a great day!!!

nickishine

Thank you, Pam.

I know I've got a chance cuz there's still breath in me. What you suggested, I agree with and will give it a "new" shot! Off to a meeting now.....

Thanks,
Nicki

Anna

Hi Nicki,

I also feel blessed that I survived my drinking years, and I know, without a doubt, that it was my HP's plan to keep me here.

Like you, I was lost spiritually and had to find a purpose in my life to be able to recover.

Keep reading and posting.

August West

Great job niki! Just for today, don't worry about tomorrow. You are growing and living better with every step you take to get and stay sober. Just for today, stay strong and love the positive steps you have taken, day one is huge and you are already living differently. Keep it up, we are here for you. All of my prayers to you.