Best Friend Coming to Visit this week.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2008
Posts: 6,947
Best Friend Coming to Visit this week.
My life long best friend is coming to visit tomorrow. We go back to high school, 35 years ago. We were the poster children of a free will riot. Hallucinogens, alcohol, weed, whatever we could get our hands on. Since then, visits have always been about partying. He worked in the florida keys for years and his business was servicing clubs and bars. The man can party.
He hasn't quit drinking and still binges. But he has re-married recently and she doesn't go for the constant partying. He parties less these days.
He is coming to visit me to support me and cheer my wife and I up after my rather traumatic intervention, rehab stay and the recovery process that, has been at times, stressful to all of us. I haven't seen him since last year, when I was in my downward spiral. He and my wife have talked a couple of times over the past 2 years with their concerns about my drinking, pills...
On one hand, I wonder if I'm ready... I'll be 4 months next week and I still have bad days. On the other, he's promised not to drink and we could use the cheering up. I can and will talk to him about everything and anything he wants regarding my recovery, he is that close to me. I'm certain my wife will appreciate the break, she gets tired of hearing it. We both play guitar, sing and like folk and blues. My daughter is home from college (music major, plays a mean lead guitar...) so we have stuff to do. Maybe I'll take him skiing (he doesn't ski... yet
).
However, I am a bit apprehensive. Not that I'll drink, that won't happen. But I hope to stay in a good head space (spiritually fit for us AA's). So I guess I'm posting to just work it out a little bit, get ready, etc...
Thanx for letting me share.
Mark
He hasn't quit drinking and still binges. But he has re-married recently and she doesn't go for the constant partying. He parties less these days.
He is coming to visit me to support me and cheer my wife and I up after my rather traumatic intervention, rehab stay and the recovery process that, has been at times, stressful to all of us. I haven't seen him since last year, when I was in my downward spiral. He and my wife have talked a couple of times over the past 2 years with their concerns about my drinking, pills...
On one hand, I wonder if I'm ready... I'll be 4 months next week and I still have bad days. On the other, he's promised not to drink and we could use the cheering up. I can and will talk to him about everything and anything he wants regarding my recovery, he is that close to me. I'm certain my wife will appreciate the break, she gets tired of hearing it. We both play guitar, sing and like folk and blues. My daughter is home from college (music major, plays a mean lead guitar...) so we have stuff to do. Maybe I'll take him skiing (he doesn't ski... yet
).However, I am a bit apprehensive. Not that I'll drink, that won't happen. But I hope to stay in a good head space (spiritually fit for us AA's
). So I guess I'm posting to just work it out a little bit, get ready, etc... Thanx for letting me share.
Mark
Moving out of Limbo
Join Date: Apr 2006
Location: Today
Posts: 343
Yeah, do what it takes to stay sober, but you already know that.
That's really good that he is willing to not drink around you and just hang. I am going through the "friend inventory" right now, and the true friends support me and are willing to hang even now that I am sober.
I hope you guys have a good time, and wish you well in your spiritual fitness.
That's really good that he is willing to not drink around you and just hang. I am going through the "friend inventory" right now, and the true friends support me and are willing to hang even now that I am sober.
I hope you guys have a good time, and wish you well in your spiritual fitness.
peaceful seabird
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: floating
Posts: 4,822
This should be a cake walk after surviving your visit from Mom!
He sounds like a wonderful friend, and it sounds like you have terrific plans! If you get serious and melancholy during his visit, he may be just the ticket to listen and then gently lift your spirits.
I'm sure he's not coming to visit to be entertained by you 24/7. He's coming because he cares about you and your family.
Be yourself! You're the best you that way!
He sounds like a wonderful friend, and it sounds like you have terrific plans! If you get serious and melancholy during his visit, he may be just the ticket to listen and then gently lift your spirits.
I'm sure he's not coming to visit to be entertained by you 24/7. He's coming because he cares about you and your family.
Be yourself! You're the best you that way!
I'm just a little unwell
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: USA
Posts: 2,219
Hi Cubile,
I certainly do understand your apprehension. I'm sure I'd feel the same way! If he is truly a life-long friend, he will listen and support you, however you need him to. Sounds like he has been involved (to some extent) in things, since your wife has spoken to him about her concerns, so it's not like you're starting from scratch and filling him in on a bunch of stuff he knew nothing about.
You're doing the right thing by coming here and talking about it, mentally preparing yourself for it. How long is he staying?
Focus on the positive things - maybe you'll get a chance to play guitar together, or sing, or do fun stuff with your daughter. Like you said - you have stuff to do, you're just trying to get "spiritually fit". Good for you!
You're gonna be fine, my friend. Hugs to you.
I certainly do understand your apprehension. I'm sure I'd feel the same way! If he is truly a life-long friend, he will listen and support you, however you need him to. Sounds like he has been involved (to some extent) in things, since your wife has spoken to him about her concerns, so it's not like you're starting from scratch and filling him in on a bunch of stuff he knew nothing about.
You're doing the right thing by coming here and talking about it, mentally preparing yourself for it. How long is he staying?
Focus on the positive things - maybe you'll get a chance to play guitar together, or sing, or do fun stuff with your daughter. Like you said - you have stuff to do, you're just trying to get "spiritually fit". Good for you!
You're gonna be fine, my friend.
Hugs to you.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: UK
Posts: 4,682
Hi Cubile
It sound to me like you will be fine and have a great time! defo take him skiing, if you have as much fun as my friend does each time he takes me snowboarding (i am soooo bad it looks like someone has stuck a human sized blow up doll on a snow board and pushed them down the hill, bobbing up and down side to side at about 5 kph before the inevitable wipe out) you will have a blast!!!!
Sounds like a great friend if he is up for a totally non alcohol/drug stay with you guys:-)
It sound to me like you will be fine and have a great time! defo take him skiing, if you have as much fun as my friend does each time he takes me snowboarding (i am soooo bad it looks like someone has stuck a human sized blow up doll on a snow board and pushed them down the hill, bobbing up and down side to side at about 5 kph before the inevitable wipe out) you will have a blast!!!!
Sounds like a great friend if he is up for a totally non alcohol/drug stay with you guys:-)
Member
Join Date: Dec 2008
Location: uk
Posts: 2,548
hi cubile........... i can see that fear and apprehension, even if theres not alcohol involved, which im sure there wont be..
I presume youve done a fair amount of drink and drugs with your friend over the years?.....bound to feel strange meeting up straight.
Im sure your be ok........just be totally honest from the start...so he knows the score..
If it was me id feel vunerable...........but the growth comes from dealing with these situations...sober.
Your doing great i think.............just keep sharing.....trucker
I presume youve done a fair amount of drink and drugs with your friend over the years?.....bound to feel strange meeting up straight.
Im sure your be ok........just be totally honest from the start...so he knows the score..
If it was me id feel vunerable...........but the growth comes from dealing with these situations...sober.
Your doing great i think.............just keep sharing.....trucker
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2008
Posts: 6,947
I always get so much more out of posting than I expect. You guys all really get it. Makes me feel good. I am psyched and ready for this week.
I think I'll get him on skis... some comic relief may be just what I need. Now that he's out of his climate of choice - florida.. That's after I take him to an AA meeting (he wants to go to one with me...).
Will be a much easier visit than with my mother, Pelican... I survived that one ok, no events, just distance. Maybe later on in sobriety...
Thanks again - He's just gonna beat the winter storm forecast for these parts.
Mark
I think I'll get him on skis... some comic relief may be just what I need. Now that he's out of his climate of choice - florida.
. That's after I take him to an AA meeting (he wants to go to one with me...). Will be a much easier visit than with my mother, Pelican... I survived that one ok, no events, just distance. Maybe later on in sobriety...
Thanks again - He's just gonna beat the winter storm forecast for these parts.
Mark
Member
Join Date: Dec 2008
Posts: 8
Cubie you may have already thought of this, but in light of his wanting to go to a meeting with you maybe he is looking to make some changes in his life. I wanted to go to meeting with my cousin but wasn't ready to face the truth about my addiction. Just a thought. Also definately go skiing as you know it will be good for your soul. I can't wait to go on Firday no apres ski for me. Good luck and have fun.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2008
Posts: 6,947
August - I think you are right. Had to drive my daughter back to school this AM and he rode shotgun. The conversation went pretty quickly to his concerns about his own drinking. He is not ready to abstain completely, nor is his life un-manageble. He is, however, here for more than one reason.
It's going great, no one is drinking. We hung out by the fire, drank herbal tea and listened to some grateful dead concert bootlegs, and ya know, wasn't any less enjoyable than before and it wasn't the "elephant in the room" I thought it might be. He is a good friend
Mark
It's going great, no one is drinking. We hung out by the fire, drank herbal tea and listened to some grateful dead concert bootlegs, and ya know, wasn't any less enjoyable than before and it wasn't the "elephant in the room" I thought it might be. He is a good friend
Mark
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2008
Posts: 6,947
Well, he left this AM.
All went well... no alcohol, dry goods, etc. Just different kinds of tea, some DVD's, music
...
He does wonder about his own relationship with mind altering substances. Only he can decide whether he is an alcoholic and wants complete abstinence. But he was very supportive and interested. Plus, he can be hilarious and our house needed some laughter.
So, there ya go! Thanx for all the interest and support here.
Snow is on the way!! We didn't get to ski, conditions weren't so great this week, not good for a novice. Ah, but this weekend!!!!!!!
Mark
All went well... no alcohol, dry goods, etc. Just different kinds of tea, some DVD's, music
...He does wonder about his own relationship with mind altering substances. Only he can decide whether he is an alcoholic and wants complete abstinence. But he was very supportive and interested. Plus, he can be hilarious and our house needed some laughter.
So, there ya go! Thanx for all the interest and support here.
Snow is on the way!! We didn't get to ski, conditions weren't so great this week, not good for a novice. Ah, but this weekend!!!!!!!
Mark
Member
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Syracuse, NY
Posts: 331
If they understand the situation they will pipe down a bit for the respect of you as a person and a respectful friend, i am still sober will be a week tonight when i get through it and i don't mind being around drinkers, i know in my heart it is not something i can turn on and off around people, best luck-day by day.
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