bambam8206

I drink occasionally so I have not thought that I have a problem. Over the last 4 years or so my drinking has led to cocaine use and eventually led to crack. I had a stroke last year due to crack use. It wasn't heavy use either. I maybe did it once a month or so. It doesn't matter how much or often you use. It is deadly. So why after getting so far away from the stroke have I begun to use again. I thought that I could fix this myself, but I can't. I am only 35 years old and have 3 daughters. I need to be here for them but feel absolutely lost. I don't know why. I have a good life. If you could see me you would never ever think that I have used such a thing. It is disgusting. I feel disgusted with myself.:praying

Lenina

bambam,

Welcome to SR!

Love,

Lenina

Horselover

Welcome to SR Bambam and I would say you have addiction problems. When things start getting better we go back to using or drinking because that's part of the disease. You need to find a plan of recovery. Good luck and keep on reading and posting. SR can help.

Jomey

Welcome Bam. You are in the right place. Keep posting! Jomey

yeahgr8

Welcome Bam, this is a great site, keep coming back!

Toomutch

Welcome to SR bambam, this is a great site, with alot of supportive people.

Astro

Hey bambam, welcome to SR. I'm a 44 year father of two kids, I've found hope in recovery and wish that all parents could find this much happiness in a clean and sober life.

I read a great meditation this morning that took me back to early sobriety. Maybe you can relate to this? Please keep reading and posting, there's much love and support to be found here.

Daily Reflections

TOTAL ACCEPTANCE

He cannot picture life without alcohol. Some day he will
be unable to imagine life either with alcohol or without
it. Then he will know loneliness such as few do. He will
be at the jumping-off place. He will wish for the end.
ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p.152

Only an alcoholic can understand the exact meaning of a
statement like this one. The double standard that held
me captive as an active alcoholic also filled me with
terror and confusion: "If I don't get a drink I'm going
to die," competed with "If I continue drinking it's
going to kill me." Both compulsive thoughts pushed me
ever closer to the bottom. That bottom produced a total
acceptance of my alcoholism - with no reservations
whatsoever - and one that was absolutely essential for
my recovery. It was a dilemma unlike anything I had
ever faced, but as I found out later on, a necessary
one if I was to succeed in this program.

choose2bhappy

I have a lot of aquaintances, friends and ememies that are on crack. It will take you to the darkest spot of your soul. Thankfully there is a cure....and it is possible. People have made come backs from the dungeons of heroin...crack is it's ugly cousin

you can do it..in fact I think my SO is doing it

I am in Ny and here people are like "AHH Ive seen it all" I disagree
either you love others or you dont! I am the loving new yorker god forbid

Anyway...you can beat it..I was hooked on blow and I am ok
but if I picked up?

Anna

Hi and Welcome,

Addiction is a disease of self-loathing and that self-loathing can prevent recovery.

Please know that you have a disease and there is much hope for you to recover. This is not a character defect.

Keep reading and posting.

James13

Welcome, bambam!

I know what you mean about feeling disgusted with yourself. I can relate.

Looking at the long term sobriety here in particular, I don't see self loathing, I see happiness.

The shame and guilt are something that has slowed my recovery at times. I am only 28 days in right now, but I have to live day to day, and recognize that I am who I am TODAY. And today I am sober.

It's not easy... but anything really worth doing for yourself isn't easy.

I am glad you are here. You will find support here if you want it. I can tell you that much.

Much love