Broken...
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Join Date: May 2008
Posts: 1,049
Ohhh...Jules,
My heart goes out to you.....
On top of it all, you feel that you are a failure for drinking in reaction to a soul destroying email from your mother.
Your not a failure dear, you are human.
I just bet you'll turn this around real soon and be back to crossing the days, weeks and months of the calender. Best wishes. You are doing great....
(My motto? Either your with me, or your not)
My heart goes out to you.....
On top of it all, you feel that you are a failure for drinking in reaction to a soul destroying email from your mother.
Your not a failure dear, you are human.
I just bet you'll turn this around real soon and be back to crossing the days, weeks and months of the calender. Best wishes. You are doing great....
(My motto? Either your with me, or your not)
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2007
Posts: 2,299
Hi Gerry-thanks for your empathy.
I have started to turn it around though.I stopped drinking.If anything-the biggest issue here wasn't the fact I'd drunk.I haven't posted here what my mother said to me and I never will.It wasn't just some trivial piece of information about my past that she wanted to get at me with.I'm more than immune to that from her.
It was huge and life changing in a potentially life-threatening way.I'm not talking 'lowering my self esteem' I'm talking making me feel like I wanted to kill myself.She didn't waste words or soften anything.It was vicious.But that's not even the point.I still have a choice in how I respond.And that's what I'm trying to do.
I'm not where I was a few days ago, now.I'm climbing out of it.With lots of help-much of it from people here.
As Sherry so wisely said-drinking is just a symptom.The real issue is the stuff I'm faced with now.And I'm not drinking-much as my mind has told me I'd like to at times recently.
I won't give in.Thank you for caring though.
Jules.
I have started to turn it around though.I stopped drinking.If anything-the biggest issue here wasn't the fact I'd drunk.I haven't posted here what my mother said to me and I never will.It wasn't just some trivial piece of information about my past that she wanted to get at me with.I'm more than immune to that from her.
It was huge and life changing in a potentially life-threatening way.I'm not talking 'lowering my self esteem' I'm talking making me feel like I wanted to kill myself.She didn't waste words or soften anything.It was vicious.But that's not even the point.I still have a choice in how I respond.And that's what I'm trying to do.
I'm not where I was a few days ago, now.I'm climbing out of it.With lots of help-much of it from people here.
As Sherry so wisely said-drinking is just a symptom.The real issue is the stuff I'm faced with now.And I'm not drinking-much as my mind has told me I'd like to at times recently.
I won't give in.Thank you for caring though.
Jules.
Member
Join Date: May 2007
Location: Sweden
Posts: 1,649
I've been following this thread and it is really heartbreaking to see that your mother would so consciously try to hurt you. It's fantastic to hear that you put the bottle down and you are as you say climbing out of it. I would have to say: what a strong person you are.
Is there any kind of counseling services you can turn to at this time of crisis? Along with AA, SR and a day to day sobriety diary, I use a rehab counselor. She has been fantastic in helping me sort out other problems in my life that aren't alcohol related And, if they are problems that I can't fix, she is helping me find ways to accept those problems while maintaining my serenity and self-confidence.
Is there any kind of counseling services you can turn to at this time of crisis? Along with AA, SR and a day to day sobriety diary, I use a rehab counselor. She has been fantastic in helping me sort out other problems in my life that aren't alcohol related And, if they are problems that I can't fix, she is helping me find ways to accept those problems while maintaining my serenity and self-confidence.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Upstate, N.Y.
Posts: 4,639
Jules 
Sorry to keep your thread going. First off, I want to apologize for not writing to you sooner. I've been in a Me,me,me faze or something. I actually haven't wanted to post anywhere on here the past week. I've had to force myself with what little posting I have done. So again I'm sorry for not responding sooner.
I think the world of you. I'm so glad you reached out to everyone and shared with us. You've gotten so much love and good advice. I can relate with what you were sharing about you mother. For me it's my dad. My sponser has been helping me recently with my past issues with my Dad and 1st husband. It's been really hard. Now, I have to pray for my 1st husband. I really hate that. For the longest time I've felt like he doesn't deserve my prayers or anyone else's.
Anyway, I'm so glad you stopped drinking and your trying again for a better life sober.
Much love,
Barb
Sorry to keep your thread going. First off, I want to apologize for not writing to you sooner. I've been in a Me,me,me faze or something. I actually haven't wanted to post anywhere on here the past week. I've had to force myself with what little posting I have done. So again I'm sorry for not responding sooner.
I think the world of you. I'm so glad you reached out to everyone and shared with us. You've gotten so much love and good advice. I can relate with what you were sharing about you mother. For me it's my dad. My sponser has been helping me recently with my past issues with my Dad and 1st husband. It's been really hard. Now, I have to pray for my 1st husband. I really hate that. For the longest time I've felt like he doesn't deserve my prayers or anyone else's.
Anyway, I'm so glad you stopped drinking and your trying again for a better life sober.
Much love,
Barb
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2007
Posts: 2,299
Littlefish, Bam, Sherry, Rells, Jadmack, Barb-thank you all.I take in every word you say even if I'm not posting much.
I'm hanging in there thanks to all of you.Still sober.
Barb-don't give yourself a hard time hun-we all go through stuff-and you constantly amaze me-the way you stay sober against so many odds.I'm so proud of you.You inspire me.Know that.Thank you for your love and care.
Love you all
Julesxox
I'm hanging in there thanks to all of you.Still sober.
Barb-don't give yourself a hard time hun-we all go through stuff-and you constantly amaze me-the way you stay sober against so many odds.I'm so proud of you.You inspire me.Know that.Thank you for your love and care.
Love you all
Julesxox
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2007
Posts: 2,299
Oh Trish.... LOL! That picture certainly made me smile! Thank you 
Sherry I can feel your prayers you know.Thank you my friend.
Dave-thank you too.I meant to reply to your pm but I haven't caught up properly.Just know I really appreciate it.
I'm doing better every day.I'm just learning to 'be' with it, if that makes sense?I don't feel sad or hurt all the time, it comes and goes in waves really and I just let it happen.I'm beginning to believe I'm stronger than I thought but not in a 'tough' way-more in being unafraid to acknowlege what I need and what I feel.It's new for me, but ultimately good I think.Better than trying to drink it all away anyway. Baby steps I guess.
Thank you all for your continued support and love,
Jules xox
Sherry
I can feel your prayers you know.Thank you my friend.Dave-thank you too.I meant to reply to your pm but I haven't caught up properly.Just know I really appreciate it.
I'm doing better every day.I'm just learning to 'be' with it, if that makes sense?I don't feel sad or hurt all the time, it comes and goes in waves really and I just let it happen.I'm beginning to believe I'm stronger than I thought but not in a 'tough' way-more in being unafraid to acknowlege what I need and what I feel.It's new for me, but ultimately good I think.Better than trying to drink it all away anyway. Baby steps I guess.
Thank you all for your continued support and love,
Jules xox
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