Broken...
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Join Date: Apr 2007
Posts: 2,299
Trish-you just made my night with your post.Thank you.For a long time I promised myself I wouldn't ever turn out like my mother.I've worked so hard to forgive, to have compassion, to try to love well-unlike her.
I ended up an alcoholic like her, but I so don't want to hate anyone.I want to be better than that and heal.
Just....thank you for seeing who I think I am and am trying to be.
Love you,
Julesxox
P,S Love you too Gyps
I ended up an alcoholic like her, but I so don't want to hate anyone.I want to be better than that and heal.
Just....thank you for seeing who I think I am and am trying to be.
Love you,
Julesxox
P,S Love you too Gyps
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Join Date: Apr 2007
Posts: 2,299
Coffenut-thank you for your kind words too.I hope to get you know you better.(don't feel cheated!) Glad you're here with us too-SR is a haven of support-as you've just seen
God bless,
Julesxox
P.S thank you too Mariposa!
God bless,
Julesxox
P.S thank you too Mariposa!
My prayers? Answered..you poured it out Jules. Thank God!
And you're posting..and still reaching out.
I'm not stopping the praying..asking for comfort during
this "grieving" and for the healing that will come soon.. sweetie.
I'm so darn proud of you today.
Say this to yourself..it is truth.
"I am loved."
And you're posting..and still reaching out.
I'm not stopping the praying..asking for comfort during
this "grieving" and for the healing that will come soon.. sweetie.
I'm so darn proud of you today.
Say this to yourself..it is truth.
"I am loved."
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Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Scottsdale, AZ, one big happy dysfunctional family!
Posts: 22,951
Dad still visits once a week. He doesn't change much, still bitter, pessimistic, depressed. And I've finally learned that I can't change him. But I can detach with love, and practice a little tolerance. I still love the old guy in spite of his defects, that's not my inventory to take and gather resentments over.
Prayers going out for you Jules, I'm glad you're with us this morning, always happy for people like you who make the decision to stay on this planet. Hope you get some good rest.
Jomey-I wish I knew you better.
I gotta tell you, Jules, a part of me rejoices everytime another "kid" overcomes a wound inflicted by an addict parent. Not out of spite or ugliness toward the parent, but out of pure joy that another person found their way toward the light of being who they are, seeing themselves for the whole, true, beautiful person they are, and refusing to look for their own reflection in the twisted mirror of the eyes of an addicted parent.
I am so proud of you!
((((((((Jules)))))))))) I thought I knew everything when I got clean and after nearly 4 years clean I realise I know so little about life, what I know is that we need to look after ourselves and I have to learn how to do that, relaspse has been part of my journey and thats how it was, what was not ok was that relapse isolated me for 11 years and nearly killed me.
Stay close to to SR and any other support you have Jules.
Thinking of you.
Kevin
Stay close to to SR and any other support you have Jules.
Thinking of you.
Kevin
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Join Date: Apr 2007
Posts: 2,299
Thank you all, again.
Astro-I think what you do with your Dad is great.I am certainly not there myself though.At one point in my life I spent 3 years not communicating with my mother at all.I was in therapy trying to deal with what she'd done to me as a child and I simply could not face talking to her at that time.I had a lot of hate in my heart towards her.....I thought I'd dealt with most of it, but apparently not.
I have no love for my mother at all.None.I think it's fair enough actually.However, what isn't good is that I need to at least have some compassion for her.I know this.I know I need to forgive her-again, for this recent incident.I am willing to do that-but it's going to be a long road I think.I'll need help.
Kev-you are so right about this being a journey-that we don't know everything.I feel like I had this part of my life under some kind of control.I realise now I can control nothing-only my own behaviour.It's hard to let go of this though, even though I know I need to.Thank you for caring.
Jomey-thank you for what you said.That is just a beautiful way of putting it.I hope one day I can see myself clearly.I'm always surprised when people are kind to me.Sad, really.I'll be in touch more
Trish-thank you too. I'm not sure how I am today to be honest. I'm still fairly raw emotionally but I can say I'm 'okay' in the sense that I don't feel the overwhelming despair I felt yesterday morning and I am glad I tipped the wine outIt's just hell in a bottle for me now.Thank God for all of you here. You have all made such a difference to me these past two days.I'm so incredibly grateful, it's hard to put into words.
I'm sticking close to SR today.
Much love,
Julesxox
Astro-I think what you do with your Dad is great.I am certainly not there myself though.At one point in my life I spent 3 years not communicating with my mother at all.I was in therapy trying to deal with what she'd done to me as a child and I simply could not face talking to her at that time.I had a lot of hate in my heart towards her.....I thought I'd dealt with most of it, but apparently not.
I have no love for my mother at all.None.I think it's fair enough actually.However, what isn't good is that I need to at least have some compassion for her.I know this.I know I need to forgive her-again, for this recent incident.I am willing to do that-but it's going to be a long road I think.I'll need help.
Kev-you are so right about this being a journey-that we don't know everything.I feel like I had this part of my life under some kind of control.I realise now I can control nothing-only my own behaviour.It's hard to let go of this though, even though I know I need to.Thank you for caring.
Jomey-thank you for what you said.That is just a beautiful way of putting it.I hope one day I can see myself clearly.I'm always surprised when people are kind to me.Sad, really.I'll be in touch more
Trish-thank you too. I'm not sure how I am today to be honest. I'm still fairly raw emotionally but I can say I'm 'okay' in the sense that I don't feel the overwhelming despair I felt yesterday morning and I am glad I tipped the wine outIt's just hell in a bottle for me now.Thank God for all of you here. You have all made such a difference to me these past two days.I'm so incredibly grateful, it's hard to put into words.
I'm sticking close to SR today.
Much love,
Julesxox
:brick
I had to. I tried not to but I can only hold back just so long.
I love you Jules. Sticking around is a great idea. You're always close in my heart even when you don't post anyway .
xoxo
I had to. I tried not to but I can only hold back just so long.
I love you Jules. Sticking around is a great idea. You're always close in my heart even when you don't post anyway .
xoxo
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