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Old 01-05-2009, 08:07 PM
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Trish-you just made my night with your post.Thank you.For a long time I promised myself I wouldn't ever turn out like my mother.I've worked so hard to forgive, to have compassion, to try to love well-unlike her.

I ended up an alcoholic like her, but I so don't want to hate anyone.I want to be better than that and heal.

Just....thank you for seeing who I think I am and am trying to be.

Love you,

Julesxox

P,S Love you too Gyps
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Old 01-05-2009, 08:09 PM
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Coffenut-thank you for your kind words too.I hope to get you know you better.(don't feel cheated!) Glad you're here with us too-SR is a haven of support-as you've just seen

God bless,

Julesxox

P.S thank you too Mariposa!
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Old 01-05-2009, 09:44 PM
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jules your a sweety, well done girl for pouring the wine out

xxxx
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Old 01-05-2009, 10:46 PM
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So glad you poured it out Jules.

I know you are still in pain but I have a feeling you are going to move on from this a stronger person. What happened in the past isn't happening now, you are safe now.
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Old 01-05-2009, 11:14 PM
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My prayers? Answered..you poured it out Jules. Thank God!

And you're posting..and still reaching out.

I'm not stopping the praying..asking for comfort during

this "grieving" and for the healing that will come soon.. sweetie.

I'm so darn proud of you today.

Say this to yourself..it is truth.

"I am loved."

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Old 01-05-2009, 11:19 PM
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Thank you-Nikki, Stoney, Sherry....I'm off to bed soon-I'm exhausted.But I'm taking all your thoughts and prayers with me.They mean everything right now,

Love and hugs,

Julesxox
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Old 01-05-2009, 11:25 PM
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Night Jules...

You are loved

I do.
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Old 01-05-2009, 11:26 PM
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Ty Sherry.Night hun
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Old 01-06-2009, 05:12 AM
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peace to ya, jules. i knew you'd pour that wine out
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Old 01-06-2009, 06:16 AM
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Good for you, Jules!
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Old 01-06-2009, 06:40 AM
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Old 01-06-2009, 07:32 AM
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Originally Posted by Jules62 View Post
For a long time I promised myself I wouldn't ever turn out like my mother.I've worked so hard to forgive, to have compassion, to try to love well-unlike her.

I ended up an alcoholic like her, but I so don't want to hate anyone.I want to be better than that and heal.
I guess I turned out just like my father for many years, I showed love with jealousy, anger, and so many other character defects. Thank God my program of recovery gave me a solution, a better way to live my life.

Dad still visits once a week. He doesn't change much, still bitter, pessimistic, depressed. And I've finally learned that I can't change him. But I can detach with love, and practice a little tolerance. I still love the old guy in spite of his defects, that's not my inventory to take and gather resentments over.

Prayers going out for you Jules, I'm glad you're with us this morning, always happy for people like you who make the decision to stay on this planet. Hope you get some good rest.
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Old 01-06-2009, 11:22 AM
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Old 01-06-2009, 11:23 AM
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Jomey-I wish I knew you better.
Same goes both ways Jules....and we are settling in for a huge ice/snow storm here - kids came home from school early already () and the storm hasn't even started yet. As long as the power is on, I am looking forward to hanging around here at SR, so pm me, post, whatever, I'll catch up with you. Hope you are feeling a bit better today.

I gotta tell you, Jules, a part of me rejoices everytime another "kid" overcomes a wound inflicted by an addict parent. Not out of spite or ugliness toward the parent, but out of pure joy that another person found their way toward the light of being who they are, seeing themselves for the whole, true, beautiful person they are, and refusing to look for their own reflection in the twisted mirror of the eyes of an addicted parent.

I am so proud of you!
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Old 01-06-2009, 11:43 AM
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((((((((Jules)))))))))) I thought I knew everything when I got clean and after nearly 4 years clean I realise I know so little about life, what I know is that we need to look after ourselves and I have to learn how to do that, relaspse has been part of my journey and thats how it was, what was not ok was that relapse isolated me for 11 years and nearly killed me.

Stay close to to SR and any other support you have Jules.

Thinking of you.

Kevin
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Old 01-06-2009, 11:53 AM
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Hope your feeling a little better today...((((Jules))))
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Old 01-06-2009, 12:11 PM
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Thank you all, again.

Astro-I think what you do with your Dad is great.I am certainly not there myself though.At one point in my life I spent 3 years not communicating with my mother at all.I was in therapy trying to deal with what she'd done to me as a child and I simply could not face talking to her at that time.I had a lot of hate in my heart towards her.....I thought I'd dealt with most of it, but apparently not.

I have no love for my mother at all.None.I think it's fair enough actually.However, what isn't good is that I need to at least have some compassion for her.I know this.I know I need to forgive her-again, for this recent incident.I am willing to do that-but it's going to be a long road I think.I'll need help.

Kev-you are so right about this being a journey-that we don't know everything.I feel like I had this part of my life under some kind of control.I realise now I can control nothing-only my own behaviour.It's hard to let go of this though, even though I know I need to.Thank you for caring.

Jomey-thank you for what you said.That is just a beautiful way of putting it.I hope one day I can see myself clearly.I'm always surprised when people are kind to me.Sad, really.I'll be in touch more

Trish-thank you too. I'm not sure how I am today to be honest. I'm still fairly raw emotionally but I can say I'm 'okay' in the sense that I don't feel the overwhelming despair I felt yesterday morning and I am glad I tipped the wine outIt's just hell in a bottle for me now.Thank God for all of you here. You have all made such a difference to me these past two days.I'm so incredibly grateful, it's hard to put into words.

I'm sticking close to SR today.

Much love,

Julesxox
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Old 01-06-2009, 12:21 PM
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I wish I had something more profound to say

I'm just glad you're 'ok' and I'm glad you're around here, Jules.
and don't be surprised - you've earned it...over and over.


D
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Old 01-06-2009, 12:22 PM
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Old 01-06-2009, 12:50 PM
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I had to. I tried not to but I can only hold back just so long.

I love you Jules. Sticking around is a great idea. You're always close in my heart even when you don't post anyway .

xoxo
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