User_Name

I was a somewhat regular poster here about a year ago. I had a good bout of sobriety but I fell off of the wagon.

This morning I got a phone call from my Dr. and he said I have pancreatitis and if I don't stop drinking I am going to die. I am 24 years old and have been boozing for 9 years daily. I made 4 phone calls to my old AA buddies- I am being picked up for a 10AM Sunday meeting tomorrow (they will all be there). I don't want to stop, but I also don't want to die. My Dr. said there are some serious problems with my pancreas and kidneys and I need to address them. He said another year of drinking will kill me.

I called my parents and they pretty much said this time it's a life or death decision. It's so hard when I'm not ready to stop but I have to. Anyone ever successfully stop before they were really ready? Tomorrow is day one for me.

How is everyone doing?

I need help and people to lean on once again. Thanks!

laurie6781

WELCOME BACK!!!!! We've held your chair

I am sorry for the bad news from the Doctor, but there is good news. The fact you are 'willing' to give it another shot, the fact that you do your best to stay sober, will give your liver a chance to heal. The pancreas is a wee bit more touchy and you may get some bouts of pancreatitis if you eat some triggering foods, but it too will get better.

We are here for you, post as much and as often as you need to. You know SR is a pretty active site, and someone should answer you fairly quickly.

Again, welcome back, I for one am very happy to see you here!

Love and hugs,

raleigh

Hello!
I have read many times that in order to stop you must want to stop more than you want drink (or something like that). However, that was not my case. My initial push came from my husband -- he had reached the end of his rope with my nonsense. I did not want to stop, but I was faced with the prospect of the loss of my family. I wanted to continue to play my game of "managing" my drinking. But, I did not want to lose my family.

So, I stopped. Initially it was hard. I was angry. But the return was amazing -- every aspect of my life improved. I felt better, my mind was clearer, my confidence returned, the shame and embarassment disappeared and everything seems so much brighter.

Like you, my initial push was external (my family), and for you it is your health. Take baby steps. I think it is called faking it until you make it. Don't get wrapped around the axle thinking about never being able to drink for the rest of your life . . . just start, one day at a time. And as you take those steps, look around, you might, like me, find really like what you see in your life.

yeahgr8

Hi

IMO It seems clear now that it will kill you so the question is do you want to live?

I started a thread some time ago about can you stop before hitting rock bottom and there are lot's of people who have stopped before hitting that point, i am sure they will have some more to say than me as i did hit rock bottom which was planning how to kill myself...unless my rock bottom was actually killing myself...hmmm...you know what i mean!

Hope you manage to get things turned around for you, 24 is very young to shuffle off!

Sugah

I remember you. Glad to see you're back, even if it's extreme circumstances that brought you here.

My pancreas started taking fits in the end. I'd already suffered liver damage. Liver is one thing. If it's not at the point of no return, it can heal. The pancreas can't. By the time mine started giving me grief (extremely painful grief), I was ready to quit. I haven't had an attack since my first month of sobriety, and I no longer have to take medication for it. Had I kept going, I got the same warnings as you. I'd have died.

Can I ask, in light of your physical health, why you're not yet willing to give it up? Sometimes, it helps to see it in writing.

Peace & Love,
Sugah

User_Name

Thanks everyone. I've been crying all day.

My Dad basically said I need to man up and be uncomfortable for a while and get better. My sister cried and said go back to AA. My AA buddies ALL said they will be at tomorrow's meeting and will stay at my house for as long as I need.

I knew this was coming, but I never thought at 24 I'd be facing a medical condition that my Doc thinks will kill me.

Back to AA tomorrow with 4 of my old friends, Thanks guys.

Bamboozle

Hello, UN.

Post as often as you need to...I've used this place before for several hours just to make it through. I don't think I'm "there" yet, but I know I need to stay quit, so I'm giving it my best shot.

flutter

2nd chances are a blessing and not always something we have.

I hope you make this one a wonderful new start, seems like it could be an amazing new beginning for you, and your health.

Anna

Hi and it's good to see you back.

I am really sorry about your health issues and I truly hope that you deal with the situation in a positive way. This must be very scary for you and I hope that you will stick around here and be inspired to live a sober and healthy life.

least

Welcome back! I hope you can stop drinking and start living.:ghug3

User_Name

I have great contacts in AA, but I am SO scared. I wish I could be like you folks and not have to deal with this stage of my boozing. Thanks and god bless.

Omega Man

Welcome back!
I'm a repeat to SR myself and will be for a long time but I will be picking up my 30 day chip next week thanks to AA. Glad to hear your going back.

The topic at my meeting last night was "relapse prevention" and a common theme seemed to be "fake it, until you make it". Quite a few people were faced with the same issue as you - quit or else. They were facing death, divorce, jail, etc.

They talked about not wanting to stop, still having too much fun, not ready, but they had no choice. They also all talked about how one day it just clicked for them and they realized that they never wanted to go back to drinking again.

It gives me hope, because even though I hit what was a bottom for me; I still sometimes question if I'm ready to quit.

So when I start thinking like that, I'm going to "Fake it, Until I Make it" - either here or at a meeting.

You can do this and even if your not ready - "Fake it, Until You Make It!"

Anna

Hi User Name,

Please know that we do understand.

We have all dealt with the issue of having to stop drinking and dealing with the messes that we caused ourselves. Just know that you can do it!

flutter

I think that when most of us realized we 'needed' to stop, we didn't really 'want' to...

User_Name

Thanks, you're right. :praying

Aysha

I am sorry to hear about your health.
I really hope you stick around this time.

inoishudbdead

Yeah, like i definitely saw the signs that i needed to stop long ago, but ignored them and denied it, only to cause myself more problems and made it worse. I definitely realized i needed to stop, but didn't really want to.

and it's like you said...

1) Keep drinking and die, or
2) Stop drinking and live

It isn't much of a choice. Just do what ya gotta do and get through it man!

laurie6781

In my first month of recovery at the BIG (300+) Friday Night Speaker Meeting I attended (it was a 2 hour meeting) they gave birthday cakes. I saw a young man, 23 years old, take a 7 year cake.

Now that blew me out of the water, totally. How could one so young, first of all been an alcoholic at 16, and secondly how could he have been so so smart at just 16 (I was 36) to have figured out he had a problem.

You have YOUR WHOLE LIFE AHEAD OF YOU, and I can certainly say that if you stay sober it will be an absolutely FANTASTIC life, with JOY, SORROW, ANGER, FEAR, HAPPINESS, LAUGHTER, etc all that life affords us.

In my years of Recovery I have met and known and know many. I can honestly say, that sober, we alkies are a pretty dang TOUGH BUNCH with lots of drive and we accomplish great things, quietly, but we do. We get through the hard times and continue to trudge and flourish.

You know you can have this, you have seen it already. I am grateful that you are returning to AA. Keep at it, take it One Day At A Time, no matter what, DON'T DRINK, and like they used to tell me, that included when it feels like your azz is falling off, lol and you WILL HAVE a life of WONDERFUL memories and accomplishment.

Love and hugs,

User_Name

My mom is picking me up in an hour. I'm going to detox at the hospital she works at. I'm so torn up. Can't stop crying, I don't want to go but I am. Thanks everyone.