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Old 01-03-2009, 10:42 AM   #1 (permalink)
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Hello to the SR Community. While this is my first post here, I have been "lurking" for months, since August 08. I finally reached the inescapable conclusion in July that it was time to stop drinking. I have endless gratitude to this site and all of its members. I have learned so much reading all of the posts, and it has helped me immensley. With the exception of a few slips, I have not drank since late July o8.

A little about me -- I am a married, 46 year old mom with two children. Our 11 year old daughter has significant disabilities, and I stopped working about 10 years ago to be home with her.

I was never a daily drinker, more of a binge drinker. And wine was my favorite. Once I start, it is challenging to stop. Seems I have no "off" button. I did most of my drinking at home, hidden. My husband has always hated my drinking, as he drinks rarely. A few years ago I discovered vodka, and my path to the bottom quickened. I would hide it in the house, and sip it in soda cans or whatever. I would forget things, blackout, feel embarassed, guilty and swear each morning that I would stop. Only to commence again.

After drinking too much at a cookout in July, my husband had had it with me. I did not doubt that I had a problem with alcohol, but grappled with the idea that, with effort, I should be able to drink "normally." I was angry that I had let myself get to this place. So, initially I stopped drinking to keep the peace in my house. But with much reading and ALOT of time reading on this site, I have broadened my thinking.

I realized that I was never a "normal" drinker. One drink always led to the desire for more and more. And that was true from the very first time I drank a beer in high school. While it was not a problem for years, it slowly developed into one, and caused more and more embarassment and guilt and shame. I had one of those lightbulb moments one day reading on this site -- I realized that controlling my drinking was not fun, and drinking to excess caused too much trouble, so why bother.

Today, I am in a MUCH better and happier place. Life is truly a joy again, and I surely do not miss the hangovers, the guilt, shame and tension in my house. And no more coming up with new hiding places for a vodka bottle, or figuring what to do with the empty one.

And I owe so very much of that to this wonderful site. You cannot imagine how much this place has helped me. So, I finally decided to post, both to thank all of you, and to maybe share this journey with others!
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Old 01-03-2009, 11:00 AM   #2 (permalink)
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Hi and Welcome,

I, too, was very angry that I had let addiction happen to me. Why had I not seen it coming in time to stop it? I simply didn't. And, I spent about a year where I was determined to moderate my drinking and ended up worse off, at the end. It really was a relief to stop drinking.

I am so glad you found support here. I love this place too!
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Old 01-03-2009, 11:01 AM   #3 (permalink)
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so glad you finally posted your story, raleigh! that's a long time lurking.

keep reaching out - there's a lot of women here who will be able to offer you experience and support.

hugs, k
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Old 01-03-2009, 11:07 AM   #4 (permalink)
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Yes, I may have the award as the longest lurker. I am a private person by nature, and I guess I had to truly accept that I belonged on this site!
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Old 01-03-2009, 11:08 AM   #5 (permalink)
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Glad you are here.

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Old 01-03-2009, 11:15 AM   #6 (permalink)
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Originally Posted by raleigh View Post
I had one of those lightbulb moments one day reading on this site -- I realized that controlling my drinking was not fun, and drinking to excess caused too much trouble, so why bother
There you go! "When I controlled my drinking I couldn't enjoy it and when I enjoyed it, I couldn't control it."

I've seen it said one way or another a lot around here and it's something I need to remind myself of. Thanks!

Congratulations on your sobriety and new life.
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Old 01-03-2009, 11:15 AM   #7 (permalink)
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Yes, I may have the award as the longest lurker. I am a private person by nature, and I guess I had to truly accept that I belonged on this site!

we already have a captain lurker. i guess we could make you a general.

just glad you finally made the decision to reach out. it's a great example for the other lurkers.

k
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Old 01-03-2009, 11:50 AM   #8 (permalink)
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Parentcovers,

All I can say is that my life was changed so much for the better based in large part by all that I learned from this site during my lurking. And I am grateful!

I hope that all my fellow cohorts in lurking have also been so blessed!
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Old 01-03-2009, 12:11 PM   #9 (permalink)
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I love to post and have people respond to me, but sometimes all i need is to read a few posts and remind myself im not alone.

Glad you took the decision to post though youve already help me. x
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Old 01-03-2009, 12:49 PM   #10 (permalink)
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Welcome to a wonderful place, as you already know! I credit my sobriety to my friends here, they never gave up on me even when I was ready to give up on myself.

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Old 01-03-2009, 01:02 PM   #11 (permalink)
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Great post and hi!

Yup i defo think this site is a godsend, very glad i found it indeed
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