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Understanding My Lies & Deciet I am 42yrs old, 2 beautiful boy's, going through a divorce which I initiated & now regret. I am also sober approaching 60 days & working through step 4. I would say that this is the 1st time in my life I finally admitted I indeed had a problem with drugs & alcohol. I have been married for 15yrs with ramoant infidelity which now makes me sick to think about. I was raised by a traditional honest family & cant understand why I have been so dishonest & treated my wife so poorly. Any feedback would be appreciated. |
Hi and Welcome, Good for you having 60 days sober! Please know that early sobriety is a difficult, emotional time for most people, so you are not alone. I wonder if the lying was a result of the drugs & alcohol, or if the drugs & alcohol came along to help deal with the lying. I learned to lie as soon as I could talk. It was necessary for survival in my home. As a young adult, I continued to lie, about totally inconsequential things. It was a symptom of my bitter dislike of myself. And, that eventually led to drinking. For me, recovery has been in large part about honesty with myself. And, honesty with others, too. What you are doing now is looking at yourself in a very intense way and perhaps, seeing yourself for who you are, for the first time. When I did that, it was very hard to do. A lot of my illusions about myself were shattered. However, there were some bones that I liked and could work with, and that's what I did. |
hi sorry and welcome.... Working through step 4 can be difficult and uncomfortable....well it was for me anyway.. Getting honest and clearing wreckage of the past aint easy and for me i faced the alcoholic me.....all my defences down and with complete honesty. And it hurt like hell... Bringing all that hurt and shame to the surface is a big deal and you need support. I spent long periods with my priest and sponsor. I know where your at.........all that denial and manipulation slipping away and there is the real you when you were drinking.............not nice... Hopefully you have a sponsor to support you through this stage of self discovery.? You can only benefit from getting rid of this s...t and it will help build a happy and contented sobriety. and who wants to be sober and miserable? SOME SUGGESTIONS.. 1.Try to take some time to write down some positive stuff that you have done....no matter how bad you think you are there is always good stuff youve achieved. 2. Try to remember you were sick and now your doing something about it. 3. Try to contact your sponsor as often as you can for support. 4. Try not to dwell in 4 and move onto 5 as soon as you can. 5. Plenty of quiet time is good. 6. Get it all out..........no lingering doubts....my favourite saying "just do it" These things were shared to me and they helped. Good for you................attempting to leave your past behind and build a new and happier life. It will happen...............well done .......................trucker.. |
Regret was/is a major thing in my recovery, something i work on daily.... It gets better my friend, hang in there... Take Care, John |
Bye the way I have also learned that if i wasn't the way i was then= F'D up I John would not have done those things, not trying to lessen the blame but facts are facts... |
It will take time for you to come to grips with your past behavior. The best thing would be to try to stay in the 'now' and keep doing what you know to be right. I'm glad you found us and hope we can be of help to you during this difficult time. |
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