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This Discovery Process...it aint easy!

Old 12-29-2008, 05:43 PM
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This Discovery Process...it aint easy!

As I celebrate 29 days of recovery I am discovering that this life of mine has been filled with all types of addictions that have manifest in one form or another. Sex, computer gaming, street drugs, or prescription drugs. The new discovery i made is my use of food to create that high i no longer get from drugs. i realized today that this has been a really crappy week for the most part emotionally, the connection i made was that for everyday I felt bad i also over-indulged in food. It was if i CHASED all the foods that created a sense of "good-feeling" inside. I felt so empty in numb as used the food to create some sort "FEELING". When i realized this today while reflecting i was instantly made aware that if I did not identify these emotions that caused this that I would be well on my way to a new addiction. Since the pills always gave me that "FALSE" sense of control and made me feel good I needed no substitue. Now that they are gone I guess my mind is scrabbling to fill that emotional void with something. I am working on getting to the root of this emotional distress, in the mean time I have to keep myself aware because these things can sneak up on you and create new problems!

BEWARE ALL
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Old 12-29-2008, 06:55 PM
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Yeah, I found that to be true also. Food was my primary addiction. Then I had gastric bypass and could no longer stuff feelings with food. I was married to an alcoholic and like a true codie I did everything I could to "fix or change" him. Didn't work so I decided if you can't beat em join em. 3.5 years later I was a physically addicted alcoholic facing organ failures and still unable to stop. Got into AA and got sober in 2004. Enter food again. I'm nowhere near the size I was before I definitely packed on some weight since getting sober.

Once thing I did learn that has helped. All my life I have had this void, or "hole" if you will, inside me and I have sought different things to fill it to make me feel complete. Food, men, alcohol. None of it worked. Once I got into AA, started working the steps and developed a relationship with my Higher Power I found that I did not need to fill that hole with a substance. It doesn't work. For the first time I didn't feel that void or emptiness. Now I eat more because of stress or boredom than anything else. I need to get a handle on that but at least it's not because I am trying to stuff down feelings anymore.

Good luck in working through the causes and conditions of why you used. Once you do then hopefully you will no longer look for substitute addictions.

Take care,
Kellye
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Old 12-29-2008, 07:14 PM
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Hi courage,

you are so right about the transfer of addictions. as they say, alcohol/drugs are just the symptom. in short, we do have addictive personalities. I don't know if that ever completely changes, we just have to manage it closely (i.e. not drinking).

In the beginning, I became unhealthily obsessed with exercise, watching what I ate, boys that were in rehab with me, smoking, etc.

I still struggle with being obsessed about my weight. I think that we addicts will always have the tendency to become 'addicted' to things. What has helped me is channeling that obsessive nature into positive things.

I am REALLY into photography, writing, doing a job well. Again, i think we will always be this way, but we have to channel it into positive outlets. So you are obsessed with 'comfort foods.' that is normal. But think about hobbies and other activities that are more positive than eating to feel good.

above all, go easy on yourself and don't drink or use. This is a journey of discovery and you are right where you're supposed to be. cheers!

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