Close call
I'm just a little unwell
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: USA
Posts: 2,219
I've been thinking about my earlier situation a lot tonight. I've been enjoying the night with my husband and 5 year old, and trying to imagine how it would have been different had I done more than sniff those bottles.
It would not have been pretty. It would not have been the nice, relaxed, happy evening that it has been.
I figure one of two things would have happened:
1. I would have somehow managed to only take a few swigs from the bottles, enough to catch a quick buzz. The buzz would have subsided fairly quickly, and I would have been obsessed the rest of the night with having more to drink. Also, once the buzz subsided, I would have been overcome with guilt and shame. I probably would have ended up confessing to my husband once our son was asleep. There's no telling what that confession would result in, but I'm sure there would have been lots of crying and I'm certain that I'd feel like a total a$$, tonight and in the following days.
2. I would not have been able to stop at a few swigs and would have gotten sloppy drunk. I'm not going to go into what that would have resulted in. Rest assured it would NOT be pretty, and my husband would not be a happy camper. Any crying that would have taken place in Scenario 1 would be nothing compared to what would happen in the aftermath of this Scenario 2. And tomorrow? Physically I'd feel like death, and emotionally I'd probably be wishing for death.
Instead, we played with Christmas presents, had a relaxed dinner, and played Sorry. Now the little one is in bed and DH and I are about to play Rock Band.
I'm still trying to figure out why I'm putting so much damned importance on f***ing alcohol. It seems so SIMPLE to me when I type it all out like this.
It would not have been pretty. It would not have been the nice, relaxed, happy evening that it has been.
I figure one of two things would have happened:
1. I would have somehow managed to only take a few swigs from the bottles, enough to catch a quick buzz. The buzz would have subsided fairly quickly, and I would have been obsessed the rest of the night with having more to drink. Also, once the buzz subsided, I would have been overcome with guilt and shame. I probably would have ended up confessing to my husband once our son was asleep. There's no telling what that confession would result in, but I'm sure there would have been lots of crying and I'm certain that I'd feel like a total a$$, tonight and in the following days.
2. I would not have been able to stop at a few swigs and would have gotten sloppy drunk. I'm not going to go into what that would have resulted in. Rest assured it would NOT be pretty, and my husband would not be a happy camper. Any crying that would have taken place in Scenario 1 would be nothing compared to what would happen in the aftermath of this Scenario 2. And tomorrow? Physically I'd feel like death, and emotionally I'd probably be wishing for death.
Instead, we played with Christmas presents, had a relaxed dinner, and played Sorry. Now the little one is in bed and DH and I are about to play Rock Band.
I'm still trying to figure out why I'm putting so much damned importance on f***ing alcohol. It seems so SIMPLE to me when I type it all out like this.
Member
Join Date: May 2007
Location: Littleton, Co.
Posts: 3,317
Trying - You didn't take a drink and that is really all that matters, be gentle with yourself and proud of yourself.
About a week or so ago I was cleaning out one of those cabinets that collect various things like picture frames not in use etc... In the back of the cabinet I found a vodka bottle I had hidden over 10 months ago, I really thought the last of them had been found. Oh well it was completely empty and the strangr thing was when I threw it away it was done the same way as when I was drinking, wrapped it up in a plastic bag and put it at the bottom of the garbage can. There must still be some lingering guilt.
About a week or so ago I was cleaning out one of those cabinets that collect various things like picture frames not in use etc... In the back of the cabinet I found a vodka bottle I had hidden over 10 months ago, I really thought the last of them had been found. Oh well it was completely empty and the strangr thing was when I threw it away it was done the same way as when I was drinking, wrapped it up in a plastic bag and put it at the bottom of the garbage can. There must still be some lingering guilt.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2008
Posts: 6,947
Cleaning up after our family get together on Saturday, one of the guests left about half of their cabernet in the glass. Obviously not an alkie... 
. There was a time when I would have emptied it... down my throat, I know, gross... but waste not want not ...
Instead I carried it to the sink, sniffed it in the glass and announced to my wife that I thought the wine had a nice "nose"... the party was over and I was relieved and was ready to joke around a little, for fun... But I emptied it down the sink.
I still have a vivid memory of the smell... I felt safe because I was with my wife, she was of course horrified that I would joke around about it, but hey, I needed to lighten up some. But inwardly I was a little shaken up.
Anyway, If I were alone, I think I would have felt a little like you did TSH. Don't go back to that cabinet, at least not alone.
Mark
. There was a time when I would have emptied it... down my throat, I know, gross... but waste not want not ...Instead I carried it to the sink, sniffed it in the glass and announced to my wife that I thought the wine had a nice "nose"... the party was over and I was relieved and was ready to joke around a little, for fun... But I emptied it down the sink.
I still have a vivid memory of the smell... I felt safe because I was with my wife, she was of course horrified that I would joke around about it, but hey, I needed to lighten up some. But inwardly I was a little shaken up.
Anyway, If I were alone, I think I would have felt a little like you did TSH. Don't go back to that cabinet, at least not alone.
Mark
getting there
Join Date: May 2008
Location: USA
Posts: 1,314
Wow TSH, it's amazing you got through that! I would have chugged those bottles so fast I wouldn't know what hit me. I think that shows how far along you are in your recovery. I know exactly how frustrating it is to have the obsession and know it's a waste of time, but not be able to get rid of it. Alcoholism sucks!
I'm just a little unwell
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: USA
Posts: 2,219
Ok, I have an update.
I told my husband that I'd feel better if that cabinet didn't have alcohol in it anymore, that I can't see it and I can't get to it (he doesn't know I know where the keys are) but that I know it's there and I think about it, and I'd like it if it just wasn't there.
It's no longer there.
We went upstairs together and I stood and watched while he poured every last bottle down the drain. I almost cried over some of it... sigh... but it's gone now.
I told my husband that I'd feel better if that cabinet didn't have alcohol in it anymore, that I can't see it and I can't get to it (he doesn't know I know where the keys are) but that I know it's there and I think about it, and I'd like it if it just wasn't there.
It's no longer there.
We went upstairs together and I stood and watched while he poured every last bottle down the drain. I almost cried over some of it... sigh... but it's gone now.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2008
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 1,401
Originally Posted by TryingSoHard 
I almost cried over some of it...
Man... this is more touching than Little House on the Prairie
. (I wish that I had read this post thirty minutes ago. I might have been able to have no regrets in the morning.)You've got yourself a winner, TSH... and he's got himself one too! Keep up the good work.
Guest
Join Date: May 2008
Posts: 1,049
Nothing is wrong with you...You didn't drink. You had a wobbly few minutes and had the good sense to lock up the cabinet again. Good for you and remain proud of yourself.
Wishing you no wobbly minutes in 2009. From my mouth to God's ears.
Wishing you no wobbly minutes in 2009. From my mouth to God's ears.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: Road to recovery
Posts: 866
TSH, I love it when I check out a thread for the first time, see all kinds of great advice etc. and then find a happy ending.
What a great day for you! You handled the 90 day bump in the road that a lot if us have hit, and you handled it with flying colors!
What a great day for you! You handled the 90 day bump in the road that a lot if us have hit, and you handled it with flying colors!
I'm just a little unwell
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: USA
Posts: 2,219
Originally Posted by YaySartre
I am so, so proud of you. Thank you for not drinking. Knowing that you aren't drinking motivates me to not drink, either. I hope knowing this helps you, even a little bit.
It's still amazing to me that my hard times can somehow help others. It's so obvious to me when it's the other way around and someone else's struggles speak volumes to me... but for ME to be the one helping someone else?? Seems funny. So yes, thank you.
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,759
Way to go on handling a touchy situation. Your husband is very supportive of you - what a treasure! There's nothing wrong with you other than what's wrong with me - we're alcoholics. However, we're now alcoholics IN RECOVERY!
Member
Join Date: Oct 2008
Location: East Coast
Posts: 437
TSH-
I'm glad you made it through the close call. I am only online while at work. You are very lucky to have such a supportive husband. I babysit my granddaughter sometimes in my sons house and they have all the good stuff. Anyway from day 1 I have had to accept it so I am really fine with it. We did have a Christmas Eve party as usual but the liquor stayed in the yard and we didn't have a Vodka and that seemed ok. I just hope someday I will not even notice who has liquor or who is drinking it but that might just be wishful thinking.
I'm glad you made it through the close call. I am only online while at work. You are very lucky to have such a supportive husband. I babysit my granddaughter sometimes in my sons house and they have all the good stuff. Anyway from day 1 I have had to accept it so I am really fine with it. We did have a Christmas Eve party as usual but the liquor stayed in the yard and we didn't have a Vodka and that seemed ok. I just hope someday I will not even notice who has liquor or who is drinking it but that might just be wishful thinking.
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