gonzo9730

I am back to day one after a four night binge from Christmas Eve to last night. My booze brain snuck back up on me "I hate that". I have been a problem drinker since my teens. The last ten years consistenly would go to work, come home and proceed to drink 6-10 units and do it all over again the next night. Then my dad passed away two years ago at the age of 55 and my drinking got worse.

However, one day about six months ago I told myself thats it. I went 34 days without a single drop and then relapsed. I wasn't drinking every day as I use to, but was trying to convince myself I could try and restrict it. It was working *sort of* still drinking too much when drinking, but not every night. Then came holidays from work & I made an excuse to go on a binge again. That lasted five days and I awoke on day six and said time to go sober again.

That sober period lasted 39 days. Relapsed and the same pattern has emerged again. I'm thinking that I am going to have to resign to the fact that total abstinence is the key to figuring my problems out.

Anyways, i'm glad I stumbled onto this site. It may prove to be useful to talk to others in the struggle. Merry belated x-mas and happy new years.

Avidya

Hi Gonzo,

I'm going to bet almost everyone here has tried the handy dandy 'restriction' plan. I sure have. And the result of it has always been a big ..... LOL! directly followed by an even bigger UGH!

Welcome back.

least

Welcome Gonzo! You CAN stay sober. Take it one day at a time. Just don't drink for today. If a chronic relapser like me can stay sober, anyone can!

ExNavyInHouston

Bring it on Gonzo! With a name like that I know you can put all your energy into staying sober.

Avidya

Amen

finallyclean08

Welcome Gonzo! Lots of people here to help and support you! You can do it!

j0hn0than1964

welcome aboard gonzo,

Glad you are here posting. I certainly understand where you are at, I have done all of the , I will drink less, I wont this weekend, I wont this holiday, all the goodies. What I ended up doing was drinking nearly 24/7 before I chose to get help, and the help from others has been the key to my sobriety, I agree clean and sober is the way to think and total abstinence is the best way. I would also highly recommend AA meetings they have been a life saver for me and yes I was the original skeptic that is for sure.
The best of luck and keep posting there are a lot of smart and caring people here.

JT

gonzo9730

Thanks for the kind & supportive posts. I made it through the night, which is always harder than making it through the day for me, therego day 1 is now complete. My sleep wasn't too bad; I decided to wait until 3:00 in the morning until even trying to attempt to do so. It worked better than tossing around until finally falling asleep.

I will continue to update my progress and to reciprocate the support that people have given me thus far. Here is to bringing in the New Year on a sober path. New Years Eve will be tough because I can't remember one that I was sober for. However, I will be babysitting with my Wife so the temptation shouldn't be too great.

shaun00

The beginning of the journey can sometimes be a bit shakey....
no big deal.............brush yourself off and try again....no shame in that.
I had a few little peeks before finally looking in the right direction!!!!
The most important thing is you still have the desire to remain sober...good on yer................trucker

Anna

Total abstinence was actually a relief to me after months and months of struggling and failing to control my drinking.

Pelican

Welcome to the SR family!

I agree with Anna, sobriety is a relief.

Spend New Years Eve with us. Lots of good reading. I found this link helpful:
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...influence.html

exbartender

I'm with ya there GONZO. I had 43 days sober in Nov/Dec. plus some smaller stretches, which to me is very encouraging, because that is the longest stretch I have gone sober in 3 decades! (geez! has it really been that long?! where did the time go?!...)

The holidays, and especially this holiday season, have been hard for reasons (excuses?) I won't go into here. Yes, I have relapsed. Yes, I'm a drunk. But I'm encouraged by my 43 days sober, one day at a time, and the realization that I CAN live without alcohol. I made it through most of the holiday season sober, and now I'm really looking forward to doing better in 2009.

For me its more than just trying to "not drink". Its learning how to live without alcohol, which is a big deal to me, since the drinks have been a big part of my life. And I still like drinking, of course, just don't like being a drunk anymore. The pain has grown way worse than the pleasure, so I need to eliminate it altogether. This site has been great to help get me pointed in the right direction, so thanks to the SR community for that.

Here's hoping for a sober and clear-headed 2009! I'm gonna pick myself up, dust myself off, and get back on the wagon...after all, I've still got dragons to slay, and you can't do that drunk (unless you are Jackie Chan lol!).

James13

Thanks for saying this, Classical. I needed to hear this today.

It hasn't been as hard to not use as I thought at this point, but I know when I was using I wasn't able to control it. It consumed my thoughts, and was the only thing I looked forward to.