Bamboozle

Thanks, Amy. I hope it is nothing. I think I feel a little guilty about all of the drinking...as a result, I've become convinced that I must have done some damage to my heart. Who knows?

I have to make sure I tell him/her that these stupid things have made me afraid to exercise (no exercise = weaker heart anyways ). I need to know what is a safe level to work at.

Bamboozle

Thanks, IQ.


I'm trying, but I can only do so much. Much of my mood is out of my control. Most of the time I'm just fooling myself. I make every attempt I can to be happier. Joking around, reading/posting at SR, playing games...It's not enough. These things keep it from going completely overboard, but that's all. I think if I really did have the ability to handle this I probably wouldn't have become a boozer.

finallyclean08

Bam I know it sounds easy but don't worry about it until you have something to worry about. What good does worrying do you if there is nothing wrong? If there is something wrong then thats when you plan. Many things can be done medically. I have worried myself into have some stupid illnesses which I never had. I knew that was when I had a problem. I felt like the world was going to end, this was when I was a teenager, probably even younger. I don't remember ever being happy. I thought I had cancer when I was 9 years old if you can believe that! I know it sounds crazy now, but its continued my whole life. I guess thats why I have been on many different anti depressants and anti anxiety meds, and started self medicating with codeine. There is always hope and it seems that everyone here loves you so you have a ton of friends as well! Thats a good place to be.

Bamboozle

I've always been a huge worrier...can't help it. I try and fail. I wish I could stop worrying. Stress is bad for the body.

I keep thinking about the money thing. If it turns out to be serious, I'm screwed.

Impurrfect

(((Bam)))

Add the question about exercise to the list. Don't try to make the list all at once...just keep it handy, so you can add questions as you think of them....or at least that's how MY brain works.

I've heard dr's explain stuff in medical terms, and I've made them re-explain it to people in "plain english". I wasn't nasty about it, but you have the right to understand what they are talking about. Too bad I'm not there...I'd go with ya

Hugs and prayers!

Amy

Bamboozle

Thanks, Impurrfect.

This will be a learning experience, no doubt. I just hope I don't say something stupid that will get me kicked out/police called for back up.

Bamboozle

I'm probably going to bed soon. Thank you everyone and I hope you all are having a good night.

finallyclean08

(((Bam)))

We are in control of nothing in our lives, the only thing we can control is how we react to situations as they happen.

It is so hard to give up control. Even though you aren't in control you want to feel like you are. All I can say is that I just give it to God and tell him to deal with it. I can't do it anymore.

I know....easier said than done.

Aysha

I told my Dr that same thing a couple minths ago. About now that I am trying to stop using I feel like I have turned into a hypocindriact.However you spell that. He said..Well your so use to not caring and doing damage to yourself...Now your seeing and feeling everything. And now that oyu care your more aware of your body. He was really good about that.
Good lUck bam..

coming_clean

dude,

i'm only 25, but a few months ago I thought...is this all there is to life??
Finished college, got my own flat, a job, a girlfriend, some pets, living in some boring town too, having a few friends that are starting to become boring,

The only thing this thought has ever done was to make things worse....

Now everything is about to be destroyed, I allready halfway down the gutter, and i don't really care. Lost the girlfriend, stopped caring about the friends, lost more then half my savings, problems at work,

What i'm trying to say is......when life sucks, why make it suck even more by pretending there is something better (booze, drugs, watever) ???

finallyclean08

Hows the day going for you Bam? I hope your doing better than yesterday. I have been thinking about you.

(((Bam)))

Aysha

Yep..Me too..Hope your feeling better too.

Bamboozle

Hello, people.

I'm a little angry today, but compared to yesterday my mood is more stable. I can handle this. I'm just glad I'm done for the day. I might go to sleep soon...didn't get much last night.

James13

I can relate to your feelings, Bamboozle. Seriously.

It was always nice filling that void of nothing to look forward to. But that didn't work. I'm trying to find the things that I used to ignore or see as trivial in my life, and appreciate them.

I know that if I keep telling myself I am something, then I believe it. I think it all comes down to that. Simple, yes. But True, I believe.

I want to help people. That's a choice. Everything is a choice. I know it is impossible to change all circumstances for the better overnight, but good, fundamental change in life is slow. I have to accept that, and I have trouble with myself too. I can relate to you.

Bamboozle

I don't know what's going on, but maybe my medicine is giving me the shyts.

I'm taking Propranolol (generic Inderal)...one 20mg tablet a day. I take it in the evening...just took it a few hours ago and then ate soon after...and boy is my stomach/intestines/etc. hating me now. This is the second night in a row this has happened...at least that I've paid attention to--I usually have stomach problems, anyways...so I don't keep track (what's the point?). Maybe it has nothing to do with the pills, but even I don't usually get abdominal cramping like this.

Blech...I feel like crap. And these stupid things aren't working. I had some really bad palpitations earlier today for a couple of hours before they settled down...I thought I was going to panic again (but I didn't).

Yet another thing to put on my list when I go to the doctor. I'm going to tell him/her, "How about you don't prescribe me any meds until you know what is actually wrong?" I really hate taking prescription meds, and this is a good reminder as to why. I know that there are many people who really do need meds, but why do I feel like I'm given a script and a little pat on the head before they shove me out of the door? I'm not someone who finds comfort when I look at a bottle of pills. Pills scare me. A lot. (Funny...why can't alcohol scare me like that?) I’m not so sure that the doctors and pharmaceutical companies have my best interests at heart. (Ha ha. I said heart.)

Besides, what the f are they prescribing a beta blocker for, anyway? They don’t know what’s wrong because they haven’t done any tests. Ugh…I’m going to have to pull the monster out. I can’t help it…the more I think about it (and I cannot stop thinking) the more upset I become. I feel like I’m wasting my money and being played for a fool. I’d rather go to a carnival and play some rigged games. At least I’d have a chance of walking away with something concrete (like a giant stuffed teddy bear with a big purple bow) instead of leaving with a lot of resentment/anger and most importantly, unanswered questions. Wish me lots of strength, folks. I'm going to need it.

Bamboozle

The only good thing about this is that at least I'm staying home now (and I know I won't drink tonight if I'm here). I was going to go to a party (all good intentions--no drinking...I have no social life and I'm lonley)...but I don't feel like worrying about when I'm going to need to sit down on a toilet. :P

choose2bhappy

Every passing second is another chance to change things. You could apply for a better job online right now and tomorrow you could have an interview.

If you are not happy with your appearance you could start exercising tomorrow morning and by Friday of Next week you could lose a few pounds and it gets easier from there.

I have a pretty boring life but I set personal goals for myself everyday. I was overweight at one point, I was isolating myself. I am much skinnier now, I get out everyday even if its just a meeting.

This new years eve thing is freaking depressing. I even hate that song they play..it makes me want to sob (drama anyone?)

Anyway, change is possible, better things are there for the taking. It's up to you. Surround yourself with positive people too.

Dee74

Bam- next time you're at the dr - tell them exactly whats worrying you, and tell them what you you want - you're paying

Until then - I'm reading a lot of what might be, what could be, I dunno what this is, or what this does ....

fear, and the unknown, are a bitch...I'm not saying don't worry about it - we all do - but try and remember....however much you worry? it will have no effect on the outcome, or outcomes - sometimes all we can do is *wait* until we get answers.

It sucks - but you're alive, you're making terrible puns, you have some good friends here
and you've decided not to drink tonight. The world isn't that bad.

And I hope the tummy stuff comes to nothing

D

Aysha

Dee said it all.

Bam..I am glad your making a list. I am pretty sure that will help alot when you go see the DR. You make sure you tell them exactly what your telling us here. Dont be afraid to do so. Tell them you feel like your just being passed off with a script. Let them know your not happy witht th care you are getting. I know its tough to do. I like my Dr..But I have had to say to him one or two times.."Hey..You know..I know your the Dr and all. And I am not saying your a bad Dr or I dont trust you. BUT....This is how I feel. Maybe its me..MAybe not..But if you just do what I ask you to do. It will lay to rest any doubts in my mind."
Its simple..Nice..and hopefully they will get the idea. If not..Then let the ugly come out.
I hate not knowing things. And I hate it even worse when I feel like I am taking to myself.
Just tell them like it is. Doesnt have to be in a mean way.
Hope your tummy feels better. My stomach was a mess on Christmas. I thought I was dieing. Turns out I just needed to gas out a little.

Well Bam..Happy New Year hon. I hope you get some answers soon.
But you make sure you make that voice of yours heard. OK?

angie9

Hi bam oh I so feel like you Im only a couple of days sober and I get angry I think thats why I have rel asps to the point Im going back to rehab. Im scared that this will be my life for ever as the fight gets harder and harder to fight :0(