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Not sure what I "really" want I am not sure whether I want to stay sober or not...some days I do, and some days I don't, but it keeps fluctuating depending on my mood, and I am not sure what to do. How do you deal with this? I can only seem to be able to pull together about two weeks at a time because of this. I think I also have trouble setting boundaries with people who drink...I have other motivations for hanging out with them besides drinking, but if they are drinking I will want to drink too...I am not sure what to do...Thanks. |
I couldn't make a change until I knew I really wanted it. I hope you figure out what that is for you :) |
Welcome back...:wave: Have you made a list of the Pro's and Con's about your drinking? Do you consider yourself to be an alcoholic? Are you aware of the destructive physical and mental effects of alcohol? When I decided to quit...I did make many changes in my lifestyle. ...friendshios....goals for my future. Just somethings for you to think about Good to see you again..:) |
I know how you feel. Earlier today, my heart just wasn't in it. My friends had just departed, the silence got deafening, the headache wouldn't go away and I was just really, really agitated. I'm a solitary drinker, so a situation that isn't too bad for other people can be troublesome situation for me, if I let it develop into one. When I feel like that, or contemplate the act of running out to pick up alcohol, I try to remember phrases like, 'this too shall pass', or The Serenity Prayer, and I come here. I try not to over-intellectualize. I call or text my loved ones, and I tell them I am having a hard time, that I'm doing my best not to give up, and for them to please not give up on me. (I worry sometimes that they are going to tire of this, but I hope not.) It's hard, I know. I don't know how to make it a pleasant ordeal, I just look for distractions that help rather than hurt. |
Thanks for the support y'all! Btw, off topic YaySartre...but is your username in reference to Jean-Paul Sartre? The situation in which I find most difficult to turn away alcohol is when I'm drinking with philosophers who like to drink...Despite all the anxiety/emotional problems that alcohol has given me (or aggravated), I still have some Bohemian intellectualism fantasy that I chase after. What I tried to do one time was to not drink with them right away (I ordered coffee instead), and found that the conversation was just as stimulating...so perhaps it's not really about them, but just about being comfortable in my own skin... |
Also, most days I don't consider myself to be a "real" alcoholic...a couple of times I tried to identify, only to change my mind again. I wish I knew for certain, but unfortunately I'm in that gray zone and I don't really know how/when it'll clear up. I'm just trying to figure out what the best course of action is to take. I know that I often drink when I feel blocked in my ability to express something, so I've made a commitment to myself to write for two hours everyday (about whatever it is that I want to write about/working towards a project that I personally "want" to pursue, rather than an assignment), and hope that it might help things in general. |
Hmm...here is information about alcoholism... Progression of Alcoholism Here's how alcoholism typically progresses: SOCIAL DRINKERS — Most Americans are characterized as social drinkers. Statistics indicate, however, that one of every 16 drinkers will become alcoholic. WARNING SIGNS — The individual begins to drink more frequently and more than his associates. He drinks for confidence or to tolerate or escape problems. No party or other occasion is complete without a couple of drinks. Driving and drinking become routine. EARLY ALCOHOLISM — With increasing frequency, the individual drinks too much. "Blackouts," or temporary amnesia, occur during or following drinking episodes. He drinks more rapidly than others, sneaks drinks and in other ways conceals the quantity that he drinks. He resents any reference to his drinking habits. BASIC ALCOHOLISM — The individual begins to lose control as to the time, place and amount of his drinking. He gets drunk unintentionally. He hides and protects his liquor supply. He drinks to overcome the hangover from his prior drinking. He tries new patterns of drinking as to time and place of drinking. He attempts cures by moving to new locations or by changing his drinking companions. CHRONIC ALCOHOLISM — The individual becomes a loner in his drinking. He develops alibis, excuses and rationalizations to cover up or explain his drinking. Personality and behavior changes occur that affect all relationships — family, employment, community. Extended binges, physical tremors, hallucinations and delirium, complete rejection of social reality, malnutrition with accompanying illness and disease and early death all occur as chronic alcoholism progresses. Source: American Medical Association |
Originally Posted by dionysianstupor
(Post 2038931)
I still have some Bohemian intellectualism fantasy that I chase after. I really get that... what you said I love music, playing and listening, blues, folk, esoteric... Somehow, for me, drinking just seemed to go so well with it all. I am confident that I will ultimately reconcile it, I've had some small initial success, like you ordering the coffee and still enjoying the conversation. But I know what you mean... I'm not a writer, so I can't find the right words, but yours were pretty good... thanx I find that working the first step helps... It doesn't just remind me that I am powerless over alcohol, somehow it also seems to absolve me of that responsibility... lessens the burden.... if that makes any sense. Mark |
Hi, If you're not an alcoholic, you should have no problem stopping drinking. It wouldn't be something that was an issue for you. Of course, you are the only one who can decide if you are alcoholic or not. I hope you keep reading and posting. |
I can relate. I've finally decided to give it up for good, regardless of my mood each day. I love drinking but I can see that I'm teetering on the bring between early and basic alcoholism and if I continue to drink, I'm choosing alcohol and self-destruction over everything else in my life: my friends and family, my daughter, my health, and ultimately my life. It's not worth it, IMO. No matter how much I love to drink, I refuse to give up everything else for it. I may feel like giving up or quitting quitting, so to speak, but I know that I can't. So I just take it one day at a time. Going one day without drinking isn't going to kill you... but taking that next drink might. |
I hope you can become more comfortable with yourself as your sober days accumulate. I drank to self medicate anxiety and depression. I often want to get drunk just to 'get out of myself' but the memories of my last relapse are still clear in my mind and I want to keep it that way, lest I forget why I stay sober. Hugs for you and I hope you find peace of mind! |
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