Newbie...feedback welcome!
 

Hello everyone,
I am just beginning a new relationship with someone I truly admire and for whom I want to be a better person. I feel like my drinking is going to have to be the first problem solved before I can deal with my intimacy issues!

I have kicked around the idea of quitting alcohol for years...depending on how effective my rationalization powers were at the moment. I think I drink for the following reasons: I am shy and have social anxiety, plus suffer all the lovely irrational self-criticism that goes along with that. I also have been drawn to relationships with other alcoholics who share my fear of being "found out" through intimacy. I am terrified that my significant other will see that I am a disgusting individual - by the way, in my rational mind I know I am intelligent, talented, caring, intuitive and attractive, but I can say that to myself all I want and my overriding belief is the exact opposite. Booze makes me feel relaxed, cool, numb...you guys know.

Anyway, I really want to quit but I am bored/self-loathing/depressed when I don't have a drink in my hand and a steady supply at my disposal. BUT, I feel like I've met someone who could actually be a great compliment for me- not a savior, I might add, but a person I can't lose because of addiction. I've screwed up so many opportunities because of it. I need your support!! I am a "ninja" drinker, so I don't feel comfortable talking to people face to face about this.
Thank you in advance!!!
S

Hello, Resolute! Welcome to SR! :wavey: Keep reading and posting.

Welcome, read what other people have experienced here, there's a lot of great success stories! Keep posting!

Welcome, resolute! Sounds like you are ready to quit drinking. There is lots of great support here - keep posting and reading!

Hi and Welcome,

I was also very harsh with myself and my self-esteem was extremely low, in spirite of the fact, that on the outside, everything looked great. But, I didn't like myself at all. That was part of the reason why I couldn't stop drinking. I didn't care enough about myself.

I am glad that you are choosing to live a sober life. Be sure to do it for yourself first, and for the relationship, second.

Welcome Resolute..Lots of support here.

thanks
 

Thanks, that is good advice. I certainly wouldn't do for a man what I wouldn't do for myself- I just feel like I've missed too many good things at this point. I guess I needed some inspiration. Yeah, the self loathing is so ridiculous, but I can't seem to train myself out of it. Did sobriety help you with that? I feel like I am just covering the voices with alcohol, but the next morning i am in even deeper because I am ashamed and embarrassed for being a sloppy drunk loser. ERRRRGGG!!!

I don't have enough sober time to comment on how it changes the view of yourself, but I definitely relate to the covering things up with the alcohol. I didn't even realize I was doing that... being sober for even a little while I actually felt much more optimistic about a lot of things that I considered hopeless.

The thing is, addiction is a viscious circle. You drink because you feel bad, then you feel worse and so you drink again. At some point, I needed to take a leap of faith and step out of the cycle. That meant taking a very hard look at myself and to begin to heal. I needed to face the shame and guilt and get through it without drinking. It's hard to do, but you can do it. And, it makes you stronger and it makes you like yourself, just a little bit. And, it's a beginning.

Welcome to a great place for support and suggestions. I am finding sobriety is making me into a much better person. I also have some social anxiety but not too bad sometimes, and I'm glad I'm sober to be able to do anything and not risk danger by being drunk.

Welcome!:Xmasda

Changes...for me sobriety was all about changes.
I worked very hard to make positive changes.
:)
There was a large sign over the podium in my first AA group

"Keep Coming Back...It works"

I did and it has....:yup:

Welcome to SR!