finallyclean08

Hi all Im new. I have been addicted to codeine for a years now, not willing to admit it. My doctor has continued prescribing it to me and I wasn't taking it the way I should have. Im also on Effexor for anxiety and depression. Now I went to my doctor when I ran out of codeine (Tylenol 4's I was taking around 8 a day), I know it doesn't seem like much to some people but he has prescribed me codeine contin to try and wean me off. I ended up not taking those as prescribed as well and now have run out, its been over a week now since I have had those, but have been taking Tylenol 1's from the pharmacist to try and relieve the restless legs I get at night. The stomach upset and stuff is bearable. I haven't had any codeine since Christmas eve but I have been crying horribly and very depressed for about 5 days now. How long does this horrible depression last? I honestly don't think I can go on feeling like this for one more day. Any help would be appreciated.

snowdog

Finallyclean- maybe you should call your doctor? My thoughts are with you!

flutter

I don't know much about codiene addiction, but I'm really glad you're here


"Now I went to my doctor when I ran out of codeine (Tylenol 4's I was taking around 8 a day), I know it doesn't seem like much to some people.."

Actually, that seems like a LOT to me. If I was taking 8 pills of anything that would seem like a lot. Reminds me of when I used to say I 'only' had 5 drinks..my perception was pretty warped, I must admit.

Stick around, our friends here at SR will be here shortly to offer lots of support

Oh, and maybe see a doc and be honest with how you're using, there might be some good solid medical help for you!

finallyclean08

No he doesn't know at all. He thinks I have been following what the prescribed schedule. I am supposed to go in the beginning of January to get a refill but I have already gone through hell these past couple of days I don't want to start back again and have to do this all over. I figure it can't get any worse than I feel right now. Ive never been so depressed before. Its hard to pull yourself out into the light. Thanks for the supportive comments though everyone. It helps to know that there are other people out there who have gone through similar issues.

Its funny flutter that you say that

Actually, that seems like a LOT to me. If I was taking 8 pills of anything that would seem like a lot. Reminds me of when I used to say I 'only' had 5 drinks..my perception was pretty warped, I must admit.

I actually thought it was a lot too. Until I went to the Methadone clinic as they said I should at AADAC and they told me it was very minimal compared to what it could be. I know there is always someone out there who is worse off than me. When you are feeling so down though you can't seem to see anyone else except yourself.

flutter

Well, I think it's important to just look at yourself right now, with some support and positive guidance. I found I had to just stop working on everything else, and start looking at myself. I hate that you feel so depressed.. and it IS hard to pull yourself into the light, maybe we can help show you a few flickers

I wish the best for you, keep posting!

finallyclean08

Thanks Flutter I appreciate the support immensely. I just know I don't ever want to have to go through this again so Im hoping that will deter me from lying to my doctor and getting anymore prescriptions filled. I am just sooooo tired, but when I try to sleep my legs ache and won't stop moving. Since I haven't taken any codeine at all since Christmas Eve Im going to say my sober date is Christmas day. Thats a good day to declare myself free right? I hope that in this torture Im going through I will be able to feel God more than I do right now. I know they say take it one day at a time but I don't even think I can think that far ahead, maybe 10 minutes at a time? The sad part about it all is that my husband and children are so supportive I feel like I have let them down immensely. Thats part of what is making me feel so down. Im trying so hard to think of today as a "present" and not think of tomorrow or yesterday. It is my fault that I got into this situation, I know I have no one to blame but me. I am really appreciating this forum and reading posts that there are other people out there who have survived addiction.

least

I don't know anything about codeine, I'm a recovering alcoholic, but I too suggest you tell your doctor about your addiction and desire to get clean. S/he may be able to give you medical help and advice to get clean the easiest and safest way. I also agree with your idea of taking it ten minutes at a time, as the first few days coming off anything feel like forever.

You can do this. Have faith in yourself.

Anna

Hi and Welcome,

I'm glad that you are seeking support and that you seem to be getting through this.

I hope you keep reading and posting.

Isaiah

Hey,

Everyone goes through a depression when going clean. It's hard, I know, but you don't have to deal with it on your own, and it doesn't last. I am with everyone that you should have a doctor help you with this. I know that there are drugs that help with restless leg that aren't narcotics or habit forming.

Also, if you're getting the prescription for a reason, pain? you shouldn't have to suffer through that cold turkey without medical help.

As with depression, part of it just takes some inner coping, but there are also ways to make it much lighter. Suggestions there can run endless. Depends on who you are and what you like to do. If you need a brainstorm then we'll hit you with a list.

And please consider that codeine is not going to erase these problems for you. Addictions and habits, and the problems they create, will never vanish when using. I don't know just how codeine works, but I know with alcohol things just become more intense with time. The desire to put things off is tempting when you realize it's hard, but right now could be the easiest time to do it.

The hardest thing about depression is that your mind almost refuses to see any good in anything. Which makes it hard to start anywhere. The disappointment when something doesn't fix can almost feel like taking a step forward and two back, even. Something that has helped me get through some of the worst of my depression is to accept its place.

Think of it like the flu. A flu is awful, and there's no way to make a flu just go away. You can make it better with soup, sleep, etc., but until your body heals itself you almost have to put up with the sneezing and fever. Depression is similar in many ways. Sometimes it works to just cry, but not to invest yourself 100% in it. Think of it as an emotional flu, and not as being you, yourself.

Promise that it does all pass. Get help where you can. Another thing with depression is we think others will think less of us if we ask. But a doctor can help, a therapist could help, and your friends too.

God bless.

lostbutterfly

Try meetings, NA/AA or secular recovery groups. They won't cure depression, but they will help you find a better way to live. I'm a recovery baby, and trust me, it is already better than pills and drink.

wolf13

hi guys,
1st timer here. Was sober from Valentine's Day till about Sept. 1st this year, lost about 4 months to drinking and I'm back going on 3 weeks. I'm a dry drunk though, can't seem to find the fun in anything I do. Any help coping would be appreciated! I'm going back to AA in the morning BTW.
thanks,
Wolf13

flutter

Welcome to SR Wolf! This is a good place to start!

finallyclean08

Thanks everyone for the support! Wolf Welcome I have just posted for the first time this morning and already feel less alone and able to do this, not on my own but with help. I have my family but they don't understand what Im going through as they don't have the same issues to deal with. Just so everyone knows I did happen to pass the pharmacy tonight and was so tempted to buy something, anything with just a little codeine in it to allow me to sleep for just a while and make my legs stop aching but I didn't do it! Yay it was super hard and Im feeling really crappy right now knowing that it is almost time for bed and I am yet again going to have a night of rolling around and feeling like Im going to lose my mind before I finally pass out for about two hours if Im lucky and then get up and do it all again tomorrow. Man if I had known this was going to be this way I would have never gotten myself into this, but then again I can't say that either. Thanks again everyone! I will pray for everyone tonight who is in need of support that they will find their way somehow.

lostbutterfly

We can buy codeine in pharmacies here too. I completely relate to having to walk past pharmacies. I find I need to prepare myself everytime. They are in every big supermarket, there is one in our local village shop.

It's when I get cocky and think I've got it beat that I find myself at the counter buying a box of pills. Or at a bar ordering a vodka and coke!

Stay vigilant, is what I'm saying!!! Addiction is a very patient disease. It can just wait and wait, and then blindside you when you least expect it.

You're doing great. Really, try and think about some recovery plan. I can't tell you how many times I've kicked these pills, only to be back on them because I don't know how to cope with life without them.

finallyclean08

Thanks LB I have read many of your posts and see that you have struggled as well. Today is better than yesterday, I just hope that tomorrow will be better than today. The depression isn't AS bad but its still there, lingering in my head when I stop to think for a few minutes. Then I just break out into tears. My husband must think I am crazy. I don't know why but the sadness is manifesting itself in thoughts of how bad of a mom I am and wife. I keep thinking of how much time I have wasted with my family, taking them for granted. And I am only 33 but for some reason it feels like life has passed so quickly and they grow so fast. My oldest is 18 today! I am having these horrible thoughts that are so lonely. I have only ever felt like this if I missed a few doses of my anti depressants, and then that would only last until I took them and they started working again. This time its not going away and I keep telling myself that it seems to be getting better, so Im hoping it cant go back and get any worse. For me the physical symptoms are not even comparable to the mental ones Im going through. I just keep praying for strength and someone keeps telling me that it will be ok. I know its God. I have never contemplated hurting myself no matter how bad my depression has gotten over the years as I knew I had my children to live for, but this time it hurt so badly that I didn't think I could possibly exist feeling this way anymore. That is what will deter me from ever going back I hope.

lostbutterfly

Are you on antidepressants at the moment? I'm assuming you are, but if not, it might be a good time to get on them.

Not only does coming off opiates make you phenomenally depressed (I thought I would just rather be dead than live without them) but a lot of people who get addicted to them in the first place are self-medicating for depression.

Have you thought of recovery groups. I go to AA, and I can't tell you how much it has helped change the way I think. I've gone from a really churned up inside, discontent, irritable cow to someone who has moments (that are joining up gradually) of real ... well .. happiness I suppose.

Not jump for joy happiness, just a bit of peace and contentment. But I do meetings, I read a lot of AA and NA literature. I still mess up on a regular basis, but I'm still in a better place than I was.

And I come on here crying for help and generally bother people, lol!! You need all the people and help you can get on your side, because this stuff is so much bigger than us.

LB xx

finallyclean08

Yes LB I am on anti depressants, have been for at least 10 years now. In my entire time of mental health issues I have not been as depressed as I am now. I didn't realize that it would be so bad. I didn't even think depression was an issue. I thought of the stomach aches and aching bones and hurting but I didn't think that it would affect my head as much as it has.

I do feel it getting better day by day though. I have been without a large dose of codeine for around 10 days now and my last codeine at all which was only 24 mgs (they only come in dosages of 8 from the pharmacist) and I knew my doctor wouldn't prescribe anymore cause its not time yet, was on Christmas Eve. So I have been feeling pretty yucky now for at least a week. Christmas day was the worst. I felt so bad for my kids. They couldn't understand why I wouldn't stop crying. I didn't even know. I was crying at everything.

I can gradually feel it getting better though, I didn't cry as much yesterday as the day before and when I woke up this morning I still have a hole in my heart the size of Canada but it feels like it is slowly filling up with something good.

I must say reading other people's posts on here and learning their stories has helped me so much. I know there is hope and that it will get better. You just have to hang in there. Everyone has their ups and downs. Its when you let it get down and don't get back up again that is the bad part. So I guess we all have to keep dustin ourselves off and clinging to whatever is good around us. I know that in this all there is something bigger than all of us out there who loves us and wants the best for us. So we are never truly alone.

I think I am going to start going to NA meetings. I talked to my husband about it yesterday. I know that even though I hope the worst of the withdrawal is over I will still need support in this journey....and possibly I can help someone else as well.