notproud24

Hi...

I posted a while ago, i cant remember when. But my problem was marijuana.

I can give a little background thing. I've always been shy towards people, but i never had an issue with it. I was always able to talk and go places without being too uncomfertable.

And as i posted before, I smoked alot of weed. I used heavily I would say, maybe not as much as others, but I began to smoke about an eigth a day to myself for about a couple months straight. And i smoked for about five years straight.

But i squashed the weed thing and cigarettes. But i continued drinking on the weekends, which is actually an acomplishment for me because i would drink all the time.

Then i came to find out that drinking doesnt help me.

If we're on this site we all know that feeling where its like you 'need' whatever you need, and thats just what you think. I just realized thats what i've been thinking about alcohol. Just the other day i was thinking i needed a drink.

And like i said, i have always been shy, but it wasnt debilitating. And by the time marijuana was a problem i knew i had a serious problem with anxiety, and considering that when i tried college a teacher asked me, "Whats wrong?" So i must have seemed depressed or seriously anxious.

Anxiety does run in my family, but growing up my family never shyed away from regular activities like going to the mall, watching movies, taking vacations or going to an amusment park. So the anxiety and shyness was never a real problem.

Now, I'm three months into not smoking weed, it may be three months and a week, but i dont know. I'm a week and a half done with drinking. I've had a few cigarettes during this three month period. I'de ball park it around to twelve or fifteen.

My problems are really debilitating as of now. I'm in CBT therapy, and its very hard to live sober.

I've lost every single "friend" I've had because I'm sick of living chemicly dependent upon substances, and you cant say that to anybody because it is never true.

And I've become bitter and envious of very simple things that I know im capable of but can not seem to find it within myself. I believe im more hurt than anything.

A physciatrist told me that the only reason i experience anxiety like i do is because of my marijuana abuse and i didn't believe him at the time, but maybe he is right. It's very ignorant of me to not believe a professional, expeically one experienced with substance abuse.

I'm just real hurt right now. I tried to hang around a certain person who "wants to get into shape." And i hung out with him one day because we wanted to work out, and i told him that tomorrow we could play basketball at this gym that the church rents out, and he said, "Alright." So i call him and he is doing something else, and i already know what he was doing, he was drinking and getting ****** up. I took it as a spit in the face, and i havent called any of these people sense, and that was like three weeks ago. Every single friend i knew is either an alcoholic or drug addict, smoking marijuana or drinking. Then this other guy i know is on his perscribed xanax that he pretty much lied to get, and he smokes every day and drinks. And that can take toll on a person, it has to me. It just hurts real bad. Then i have my anxiety and drug recovery, and im just all alone, it really does hurt.

Thats pretty much where I'm at. I dont have a girl friend or anything, girls really arent too much of a problem, they've always been there, but i got a whole lot of **** to go through right now.

If i look at myself six months ago and compair myself to that, i am "better," but my nervousness just hurts alot. I dont just sit at home all day, i do try, it is just so much harder when you are all alone and then the only people you know just want to go drink or talk about drinking or how messed up they got, or they just dont talk. Life is hard.

And this is my depressing post of where I'm at in my life right now. Thanks for reading if you chose to. See ya, and good luck to everyone.

Anna

Hi,

I agree with you that sobriety is hard and takes a lot of work. Be proud of yourself for what you have accomplished.

I had to make a lot of changes in my life when I began recovery.

Have you considered doing some kind of volunteer work in your community. That can be a great way to meet new people and it gives you a chance to give back.

notproud24

No i haven't. I'm really not even motivated to do anything besides work and working out.

Maybe I'll look into it, thanks.