Aysha

I am so F***** tired of this ****!
She opened the bottle of wine I had bought for my cousins wifes grandmother for Christmas.
I have no money to get her another one.
We pull names for the adults for christmas and I got my cousins wife grandmother. She isnt an alcoholic but she is old italian woman who likes a nice bottle of chiante every now and then. Now I have nothing!!
Way to F***ing go grams!!!
Now I do want to get high to the moon. Good thing I dont have money.
Or I would be smoking like a friggin fiend.
I am not even going to lie.
We got a guy trying to fix our hot water heater that broke and half the house is flooded. The kids got a mess and a half everywhere getting the guys way.
I am trying my best to keep it together but its fading fast.

WTF do I have to do to get some friggin relief here!!!
I am done..I have F***ing had it!!!

coffeenut

I don't mean to seem trite, but sometimes the stress of holidays makes everything seem a lot worse than it is.

Tell the person (or make her a funny card) you got the wine for what happened. She'll probably laugh!

I'm sorry, Chiy, you really are having a day!

ANGELINA243

You came here and posted...which is indeed a step in the right direction. And as far as getting high....I got high lots of times without having any money. An addict that wants to get high will find a way to get high (period.) Pause--take a deep breath--you don't have to use--just for "right now".

Aysha

Actually..If I dont have money..I really dont bother..I am past all the runnin the streets and hustling..selling myself..and all that mess. Non money..No drugs..It aint going to happen. I can 100% say that.
I need to slow the F down tho. Because I am going to lose it for real right now.
And no she wont think its funny..My family has just a big a problem with her drinking as I do..If not more.
That would be very tacky to me to even put my grandmother out there like that to someone not that close to us.
But thanks for the suggestion.
I think I need to stop posting today..Because I am raging F ing mad and I dont want to take it out on anyone here.

ANGELINA243

Vent here or in another way perhaps.....like prayer or journaling, but don't keep those feeling bottled up inside yourself. That would only harm you.

Lenina

Chiy,

I too am glad you came and posted here. Man, you've been handed a plate overflowing with crap. I'm so proud you came here and shared instead of doing something worse.

It's beginning to seem like your grams needs some help. Is there anyone you can call outside of family? Can you check with that IOP you were going to to see if they have some referrals you can use? Is there any Eldercare organizations in your area who might be able to direct you?

Honey, you are so kind and special. I hate to see you overwhelmed. Don't overload the lifeboat, if you know what I mean. If there's anything I can do, please let me know. You have my thoughts. And prayers.

Please keep posting. You have much respect and love here.

Much love to you,

Lenina

ex D-Boy

dont smoke away your feelings trish. you know they just come back even stronger and in more force when your high fades. sorry about what your grandma did with your present. it sucks, i know, but hopefully after you cope with your feelings in a few hours you can think of something creative to do for your cousin's wife's grandmother.

stay strong sweetie ~~ and dont make up excuses to give up your sobriety (we all know how good i am at that one lol)

Aysha

I just had to call my aunt at her job crying...telling her what she did. Thank God for her. She said dont worry abotu it she has got me covered.
I cant wait til this holiday is over. I really am not liking Christmas right now.
And mt gram promised she wouldnt drink today. She finished a liter of her wine and has drank about a glass out of the one had for the present.
Plus we got 4 kids here right now.
A guy trying to fix out hot water heater on christmas eve..water everywhere.
It never ends..The BS never friggin ends.

Lenina

Chiy,

Someone once told me to try and project into the next week when I was having those stuck in the present moments. I made a little list of the things I was going to do once the crisis passed. Nothing great or big time. Just some small, realistic things I could do.

It's great the hot water guy could come out on Christmas Eve to fix the mess.

Keep posting, my friend. We are here for you!

Love.

Lenina

Aysha

Ok so no drugs..So now I want to drown my sorrow in abotu 10 double cheeseburgers. I cant even do that.
The kids are opening their presents from us..They are happy..I am the designated get the toys out of the box and put together whatever needs to be put together. Fun Fun..SIGH...I can find the patience for them..Actually seeing how happy they are is calming me down.
I am trying really hard to be tolerant of grmas right now..I even told her NOT TO OPEN THAT BOTTLE!!!
I know what its like to be like that with my own addiction. I should be more understanding..But it really friggin sucks.

IO Storm

Good thing you came here.

Good thing you called your Auntie. (and your she got you "covered."..whew!)

Try to have a good time with the kids...

You know by now you can't trust grams to "not open" anything alcoholic.

She can't help it. She's sick.

Merry Christmas Eve, hun...

I love you.

Impurrfect

(((Trish)))

Just because WE are addicts, I've found out it doesn't make us any more tolerant of another's addiction. My stepmom was arrested (at the age of 62) 2 weeks ago for trying to fill a fraudulent prescription. Found her secret stash of pills, lies she'd been telling...I have NOT been tolerant and even though I understand it, it still makes me furious, so give yourself a break on how you're feeling.

Enjoy the kids having fun. Let the guy fix the water heater. Remember to breathe. Be grateful that it's ME having to go to Walmart in a minute, and not you

In all honesty, this is just "life stuff"..things most people deal with all the time. You and I just haven't had to deal with it for a number of years. We dealt with other kinds of stuff that would make most people shudder, and we thought it was "normal".

You'll be fine. I know it's stressful, especially since it's grams, but you really will be fine. Play with the kids and their new toys...works for me!

Hugs and prayers!

Amy

Lenina

Chiy,

You're doing the best you can and in my opinion, going above and beyond to make sure the little ones are having a good time. You are taking the mature road. I'm so impressed by your ability to such a good job in the situation.

Please keep us posted.

Much love to you!

Lenina

Cat1969

Staring over today...I went out and had a glass of wine last night. I never get drunk, I don't drink everyday but I do want to stop completely. My boyfriend says I bug him even after one glass of wine and I don't know how to leave him alone. He was mad at me all day for a silly disagreement. I can't stand the silent treatmnet. Then he blames me and drinking when I want to talk about our issue. Then he accuses me of being drunk which is totally false. So today I am starting over of not even having one glass of wine. I want to save my relationship. And we have only had the "I bug him" arguement maybe 4 times in one year. I guess I really need to reflect that even one glass will cause me to want to fix a silly problem verses just letting him be mad and work it out on his onw. Now he doesn't even want to spend Christmas Eve at home.

Cat1969

Steamvessel, I just read your quote by Hevyn...it is so true.

least

This is the best I can think to do right now. Try to 'let go' of this mess. Enjoy the kids, post here, but don't allow such frustration and anger to do you damage.

ExNavyInHouston

I can't speak for everyone here, but you say whatever you need to say on this board to keep you from using. If others are bothered you can just say it to me.

Being able to say things out loud (in writing) I think is what makes a recovery forum work so well. We are more likely to say our real naked truth, instead of tempering it to avoid hurting someone feelings.

So vent away and then do it some more -- we can take it.

Also, I hope you can see the good in your ability to transfer your emotions to finding the goodness in watching and helping those children. That is a great sign that you still have the strength in you to make good decisions for yourself.

adore79

HUGS Trish. It will get better.

Aysha

I had to lay down and take a nap.
I was bubbling with rage.
I feel a little better now.
2 of the kids are gone. Went home with their mom.
But she is still drinking.
I have to work tomorrow. Who knows how long.
I need the money so I dont care. I called out yesterday because she was a wreck.
And my cousin brought me a whole case of little bags of funyuns..My fav..He works at Frito.
SO I dont feel like my head is going explode off my shoulders anymore.
I am just going to stay away from her the rest of the night.
She really crossed the line by opening that gift.
I just saw my aunt and she said I am all taken care of. And told me she didnt want me to pay her back. I am anyway. But it shouldnt have even gone to that point.
Hot atre heater is fixed. They need to come and replace the carpet sometime.
Good thing we rent. We could never had been able to afford that if we owned.
Thanks once again for helping me through this nonsense.

Aysha

Sorry..And I am alwways usually one to joke about any and everything..But theres nothing funny about this. Not in the least.