Anxiety ridden night out
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2007
Location: Littleton, Co.
Posts: 3,317
Anxiety ridden night out
Hello everyone - sorry I haven't been around for awhile, I guess I started feeling like I could do it on my own and was having that ever dreading feeling of not belonging here anyway ( I wish I could get to the bottom of that way of thinking).
I took my husband out to the Melting Pot for his birthday on Saturday and had an awful time.
All I thought about was drinking, the whole entire meal. Instead of concentrating on him and the romantic fondue dinner, all I could see were the other people celebrating with wine and martinis.
I felt panicky and actually developed stomach cramps that cut my meal short. I didn't tell him I was craving, only that I was feeling sick to my stomach. I couldn't wait to get out of that restaurant.
The bright side of the evening was the carriage ride we went on afterwards through old town Littleton. It was so beautiful with all the Christmas lights up. We were all snuggled in our warm wool coats and blanket.
I have nearly 10 months of sobriety now and am having a hard time accepting that I was craving so badly. I think it is a great part do to not checking in here, and to that I can only blame myself.
I hope you are all doing well, It will take awhile to read all that I have missed.
Love,
Suzette
I took my husband out to the Melting Pot for his birthday on Saturday and had an awful time.
All I thought about was drinking, the whole entire meal. Instead of concentrating on him and the romantic fondue dinner, all I could see were the other people celebrating with wine and martinis.
I felt panicky and actually developed stomach cramps that cut my meal short. I didn't tell him I was craving, only that I was feeling sick to my stomach. I couldn't wait to get out of that restaurant.
The bright side of the evening was the carriage ride we went on afterwards through old town Littleton. It was so beautiful with all the Christmas lights up. We were all snuggled in our warm wool coats and blanket.
I have nearly 10 months of sobriety now and am having a hard time accepting that I was craving so badly. I think it is a great part do to not checking in here, and to that I can only blame myself.
I hope you are all doing well, It will take awhile to read all that I have missed.
Love,
Suzette
Member
Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: Los Angeles, California
Posts: 8,326
((((((toomutch)))))))
I am so happy to see you here! I'm sorry you had a bad night. But, you made it through and came here. I've been gone a while too and am still reading in but I was worried when I didn't see you.
Hang in there, sweetie! We are here for you!
Love,
Lenina
I am so happy to see you here! I'm sorry you had a bad night. But, you made it through and came here. I've been gone a while too and am still reading in but I was worried when I didn't see you.
Hang in there, sweetie! We are here for you!
Love,
Lenina
Drunkaholic
Join Date: Dec 2008
Location: Channelview, TX (Houston)
Posts: 514
I'm glad you made it through. It sounds like you still were able to be a good birthday "date" for your hubbie.
I am here for the first time on this website and I am getting so much from it (Day 3). But I can certainly understand why you would want to try going it alone.
From what I have read there are two main school's thought - "it's a disease and take it one day at time way" - and the "it's not a disease so make a decision, get through the withdrawals and then stop reminding yourself everyday that even if you make it through today, tomorrow may be the day you fail."
I see both sides as valid ways to look at it.
Honestly, until this Saturday I never even realized there was a valid way other than the AA way until this Saturday when I researched non-secular options.
I'm not sure which route I am taking, or if it will be a hybrid of both. Right now I am defaulting to the "one day at a time way" without meetings. Of course I am still excited about taking charge of my life so I haven't felt what you did at the restauant.
But your post went staright to my heart reminding me that those days are going to come and I need to have a reaction in mind. I need to think about it and be ready to make a healthy sane decision and try not to make it affect others around me (like if you would have ran from the restaurant screaming, "I can't take it.)
You did a great job hanging in there and keeping the night about your husband.
I hope you get back to your "good place" however you decide to do it.
I am here for the first time on this website and I am getting so much from it (Day 3). But I can certainly understand why you would want to try going it alone.
From what I have read there are two main school's thought - "it's a disease and take it one day at time way" - and the "it's not a disease so make a decision, get through the withdrawals and then stop reminding yourself everyday that even if you make it through today, tomorrow may be the day you fail."
I see both sides as valid ways to look at it.
Honestly, until this Saturday I never even realized there was a valid way other than the AA way until this Saturday when I researched non-secular options.
I'm not sure which route I am taking, or if it will be a hybrid of both. Right now I am defaulting to the "one day at a time way" without meetings. Of course I am still excited about taking charge of my life so I haven't felt what you did at the restauant.
But your post went staright to my heart reminding me that those days are going to come and I need to have a reaction in mind. I need to think about it and be ready to make a healthy sane decision and try not to make it affect others around me (like if you would have ran from the restaurant screaming, "I can't take it.)
You did a great job hanging in there and keeping the night about your husband.
I hope you get back to your "good place" however you decide to do it.
Forum Leader
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Scottsdale, AZ, one big happy dysfunctional family!
Posts: 23,051
Good to see you back Suzette, and it's also great to hear you being so honest with yourself.
Yesterday I was shopping at Harbor Freight, and I found myself standing in the kitchen aisle looking at the home brewing kits. WTF?
I don't think it'll ever matter how much sober time I have, or how much effort I'm putting into my recovery program, I'm still going to have the occassional craving, thought, or ideation. But without a doubt, the mental obsession has been removed. I'll contemplate, then I'll think otherwise and walk away.
Yesterday I was shopping at Harbor Freight, and I found myself standing in the kitchen aisle looking at the home brewing kits. WTF?
I don't think it'll ever matter how much sober time I have, or how much effort I'm putting into my recovery program, I'm still going to have the occassional craving, thought, or ideation. But without a doubt, the mental obsession has been removed. I'll contemplate, then I'll think otherwise and walk away.
Drunkaholic
Join Date: Dec 2008
Location: Channelview, TX (Houston)
Posts: 514
I'm still going to have the occassional craving, thought, or ideation.
I'm now 45, so when I was a small boy I remember watching Dean Martin on his show with The Goldiggers and how he always had a cocktail (much like Ron White these days).
I remember thinking how cool he looked with his glass of booze, the cigarette and being surrounded by all those women.
To this day I still imagine I could create a life like Dean Martin had back then. As the saying goes, that's just "Stinkin Thinkin."
I couldn't have been about 5 or 6 when I saw that and it is weird how that ideation has stayed with me for 40 years (30 or so I kept trying to create it).
Forum Leader
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Scottsdale, AZ, one big happy dysfunctional family!
Posts: 23,051
Originally Posted by ExNavyInHouston 
I remember thinking how cool he looked with his glass of booze, the cigarette and being surrounded by all those women.
To this day I still imagine I could create a life like Dean Martin had back then. As the saying goes, that's just "Stinkin Thinkin."
To this day I still imagine I could create a life like Dean Martin had back then. As the saying goes, that's just "Stinkin Thinkin."
I'm 44. I still think Sean Connery was the best James Bond ever, and with martini in hand (shaken, not stirred) he could get the finest women!
Of course I also used to think WC Fields was pretty impressive when he was blotto drunk. Lol.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2008
Location: Washington
Posts: 55
Congrats on the near 10 months, that is a great accomplishment in and of itself and the strength and fortitude to maintain your sobriety.
To me it was a "Why Now" moment and you passed. Giving the situation some time for rational thought and weighing the consequences you choose the Suzette that you are coming to love.
I'm glad that you did make the best of it.
To me it was a "Why Now" moment and you passed. Giving the situation some time for rational thought and weighing the consequences you choose the Suzette that you are coming to love.
I'm glad that you did make the best of it.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 31,179
(((Suzette)))
I'm glad to see you! One of the main things I've learned in my almost 22 monhts of recovery, is I can't do it alone. I don't go to meetings, so SR and a few f2f people are my main support. It took a while to accept that, since I'm a hard-headed person and thought it was a weakness to admit I couldn't do something on my own, but now I realize it's not a weakness....it's just what it is.
Glad you enjoyed the carriage ride...sounds like fun!
Hugs and prayers!
Amy
I'm glad to see you! One of the main things I've learned in my almost 22 monhts of recovery, is I can't do it alone. I don't go to meetings, so SR and a few f2f people are my main support. It took a while to accept that, since I'm a hard-headed person and thought it was a weakness to admit I couldn't do something on my own, but now I realize it's not a weakness....it's just what it is.
Glad you enjoyed the carriage ride...sounds like fun!
Hugs and prayers!
Amy
Member
Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: Texas
Posts: 4,469
Hi Suzette! I'm glad that your back posting and still sober.
Sometime I think of drinking or using too. I still get the obsession. The difference today is that I do not have to ACT on those feelings. They always pass.
Please keep posting and hang in there hun!
Sometime I think of drinking or using too. I still get the obsession. The difference today is that I do not have to ACT on those feelings. They always pass.
Please keep posting and hang in there hun!
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,564
I've been worrying about you, too. I remember the first few times I went out to a restaurant after I quit, how resentful I was. Poor me - couldn't have "fun" like the rest of the people. Of course for me, it was never fun anymore, but there is that moment when you panic & think - is this really it for life? I can never have another drink? Then I remind myself why I had to reach that conclusion. The hell I put myself and others through. The terrible condition my body was in just before I quit. Anyways, Suzette, the carriage ride sounds lovely, and you rose above it all and stayed strong.
Member
Join Date: May 2008
Location: NY
Posts: 6,608
Welcome back Suzette. I think I messaged you on your whereabouts around here. Glad you are okay. I did the meal at a restaurant with my husband Sunday, BUT we went out for breakfast. Wasn't tempted, but I guess I cheated on that one. I did have a glass of orange juice. Oops! 
Glad you're back and you're sober still.
Glad you're back and you're sober still.
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