Day 1 - Again
Drunkaholic
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2008
Location: Channelview, TX (Houston)
Posts: 514
Day 1 - Again
First Day - First Post.
I know this is a familiar thread, but it is my story.
I have been wrestling with my drinking since I was 15, when my mom dropped me off at the hospital in our small town to attend an AA Meeting.
I am now 45. I don't have a horrible bottom story, but I'm so tired of the self-loathing and the blackouts. My blackouts are coming on at lower and lower doses.
Like many of you, I had a childhood riddled with lots of reasons for why I drink, butI don't harbor resentment. I'm not even an angry guy. I'm just disappointed I let myself get to where I have have so many days where they start out so negative.
I am my worst critic, as I am sure many of you are too. The hangovers hurt more than ever, the guilt from driving home from the bar, the doctors telling me my various "numbers" could be caused from my drinking, and those blackouts have all brought me to the point where I am here.
I'm taking full responsibility for my actions. I own this situation and I don't blame anyone else for who I've become.
I have such high expectations of myself and every day I drink, which is (was) just about everyday I wake up telling myself this has to stop. I'm single, never had kids, no brothers or sisters, and only have my mother left - so my list of people to disappoint is small.
I have a history of "periods of sobriety" from one day to two years (in the early 90s). In 2006 I made it 6 months, including a trip on the scoot to Sturgis.
I'm not in any kind of denial, or trying any alcoholic tricks anymore on "managing" it myself.
However, something seems different this time. I'm older, wiser and have a lot more too lose these days. So I think I am telling you guys and myself the truth this time. Time will tell of course.
I have to start somewhere - so I am starting here today with you all.
I am a huge fan of the forum environment and this one is loaded with diversity and experience. As a former journalist/broadcaster/photographer for the Navy, I find it easy to write what's inside my head, even though it may not always be so easy for you guys to read.
I will make it through today - that I feel good about.
I'm a great guy, with a very fortunate life - it's time I start appreciating myself and putting more joy into it. I know what to do and how to do it - I just need to start doing it now.
Thank you all for being here.
I know this is a familiar thread, but it is my story.
I have been wrestling with my drinking since I was 15, when my mom dropped me off at the hospital in our small town to attend an AA Meeting.
I am now 45. I don't have a horrible bottom story, but I'm so tired of the self-loathing and the blackouts. My blackouts are coming on at lower and lower doses.
Like many of you, I had a childhood riddled with lots of reasons for why I drink, butI don't harbor resentment. I'm not even an angry guy. I'm just disappointed I let myself get to where I have have so many days where they start out so negative.
I am my worst critic, as I am sure many of you are too. The hangovers hurt more than ever, the guilt from driving home from the bar, the doctors telling me my various "numbers" could be caused from my drinking, and those blackouts have all brought me to the point where I am here.
I'm taking full responsibility for my actions. I own this situation and I don't blame anyone else for who I've become.
I have such high expectations of myself and every day I drink, which is (was) just about everyday I wake up telling myself this has to stop. I'm single, never had kids, no brothers or sisters, and only have my mother left - so my list of people to disappoint is small.
I have a history of "periods of sobriety" from one day to two years (in the early 90s). In 2006 I made it 6 months, including a trip on the scoot to Sturgis.
I'm not in any kind of denial, or trying any alcoholic tricks anymore on "managing" it myself.
However, something seems different this time. I'm older, wiser and have a lot more too lose these days. So I think I am telling you guys and myself the truth this time. Time will tell of course.
I have to start somewhere - so I am starting here today with you all.
I am a huge fan of the forum environment and this one is loaded with diversity and experience. As a former journalist/broadcaster/photographer for the Navy, I find it easy to write what's inside my head, even though it may not always be so easy for you guys to read.
I will make it through today - that I feel good about.
I'm a great guy, with a very fortunate life - it's time I start appreciating myself and putting more joy into it. I know what to do and how to do it - I just need to start doing it now.
Thank you all for being here.
Guest
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: New Jersey
Posts: 157
Welcome to SR! Glad you found us here. Keep reading and posting. You will find lots of support and information. And if anything, it will keep your mind off drinking. Oh I hear ya on the blackouts, I am the blackout Queen! Scary. Its really what made me realize how bad my problem was.
Drunkaholic
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2008
Location: Channelview, TX (Houston)
Posts: 514
bstt03 -- thanks for the welcome.
I hate that feeling when you wake up and go run to see how you parked the car.
It's sounds humorous, but I always think I wasn't too bad if I backed in because that requires more skill.
I will be reading what you guys all say. I have learned by now it's good to have others involved in your sobriety.
I will give the F2F meetings some thought if I feel that need coming on. I am not the least bit prideful where I don't think I might need a meeting or a 100.
However, I have a feeling I am likely to engage in more discussion on here than in person right now.
For now I am carrying big ears and big eyes and taking everything all in.
I hate that feeling when you wake up and go run to see how you parked the car.
It's sounds humorous, but I always think I wasn't too bad if I backed in because that requires more skill.
I will be reading what you guys all say. I have learned by now it's good to have others involved in your sobriety.
I will give the F2F meetings some thought if I feel that need coming on. I am not the least bit prideful where I don't think I might need a meeting or a 100.
However, I have a feeling I am likely to engage in more discussion on here than in person right now.
For now I am carrying big ears and big eyes and taking everything all in.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2008
Location: Southern California
Posts: 75
Welcome, ExNavy! Glad you're here, stay in touch. This forum is so resourceful, it's always open and somebody or something will always have words of support and wisdom.
The blackouts are really something, I relate quite a lot there. They're like hypoglycemic events to an insulin-dependent diabetic. In fact, many an insulin dependent-diabetic has been arrested for public intoxication when in fact, they were low. They don't remember it, they were possibly agitated during the episode, they say and do things they wouldn't otherwise mean to and usually hate hearing the gory details after they've stabilized. I think of blackouts like that.
If you don't drink, you can really expect the best of yourself to follow. Your passions can return, you won't devote so much time to caring for yourself post-hangover, and you'll feel so accomplished.
I'm new to this commitment myself, but we all need to know and see that we're worth it, and keep up the good work. I find that the Serenity Prayer helps me, and one of the best things I've read on the site today is to remember to use your pause button. It's there.
Keep checking in!
The blackouts are really something, I relate quite a lot there. They're like hypoglycemic events to an insulin-dependent diabetic. In fact, many an insulin dependent-diabetic has been arrested for public intoxication when in fact, they were low. They don't remember it, they were possibly agitated during the episode, they say and do things they wouldn't otherwise mean to and usually hate hearing the gory details after they've stabilized. I think of blackouts like that.
If you don't drink, you can really expect the best of yourself to follow. Your passions can return, you won't devote so much time to caring for yourself post-hangover, and you'll feel so accomplished.
I'm new to this commitment myself, but we all need to know and see that we're worth it, and keep up the good work. I find that the Serenity Prayer helps me, and one of the best things I've read on the site today is to remember to use your pause button. It's there.
Keep checking in!
Forward we go...side by side-Rest In Peace
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Serene In Dixie
Posts: 36,740
Welcome to our recovery community...
I came on line in '92....already AA sober
and I find it's a tremendous supplement
to my face to face AA committment.
...It does not have to be either or.
Glad you found us....
I came on line in '92....already AA sober
and I find it's a tremendous supplement
to my face to face AA committment.
...It does not have to be either or.Glad you found us....
Forward we go...side by side-Rest In Peace
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Serene In Dixie
Posts: 36,740
Hi again....
You might find this info useful as you de tox
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...at-we-did.html
The thread below it has exceprts from the book that convinced
me to quit....which I did not do with only AA
Please read that too.
Someone is here on SR 24/7....keep posting please...
You might find this info useful as you de tox
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...at-we-did.html
The thread below it has exceprts from the book that convinced
me to quit....which I did not do with only AA
Please read that too.
Someone is here on SR 24/7....keep posting please...
Drunkaholic
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2008
Location: Channelview, TX (Houston)
Posts: 514
Dammit -- I just woke up at midnight, after falling asleep watching a movie. I wanted when I woke up that Day 1 would be over.
I'm OK. My head is cloudy and there is some intense feeling in my brain area.
You know, I really hadn't thought much about the DETOX notion. Although, I drink almost everyday, recently I stopped for 4 Days as part of this deal called the Master Cleanse. I didn't do the cleanse with any regards to my drinking. Obviously, to do the cleanse right I had to cut out alcohol. During those 4 Days I don't remember having any withdrawal symptoms.
I admit that I was concentrating more on the hunger withdrawals. One thing, I didn't think I ever worried about what would I be like on the cleanse because of not drinking.
I will use this thread as a diary over the next week and I am a very honest and humble guy. I will certainly admit if low feelings or medical issues occur.
I'm OK. My head is cloudy and there is some intense feeling in my brain area.
You know, I really hadn't thought much about the DETOX notion. Although, I drink almost everyday, recently I stopped for 4 Days as part of this deal called the Master Cleanse. I didn't do the cleanse with any regards to my drinking. Obviously, to do the cleanse right I had to cut out alcohol. During those 4 Days I don't remember having any withdrawal symptoms.
I admit that I was concentrating more on the hunger withdrawals. One thing, I didn't think I ever worried about what would I be like on the cleanse because of not drinking.
I will use this thread as a diary over the next week and I am a very honest and humble guy. I will certainly admit if low feelings or medical issues occur.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: Highlands, TX
Posts: 1,192
Originally Posted by ExNavyInHouston 
I will give the F2F meetings some thought if I feel that need coming on. I am not the least bit prideful where I don't think I might need a meeting or a 100.
However, I have a feeling I am likely to engage in more discussion on here than in person right now.
However, I have a feeling I am likely to engage in more discussion on here than in person right now.
Regardless of what you decide to do, hang in there one day at a time and keep posting here!
Take care,
Kellye
live to ride ride to live
Join Date: May 2007
Location: New England
Posts: 1,390
My last day one I learned alot and it was a great new beginning for me. Think about your last drink did it bring anything good? did it solve any of your problems? did it make you feel better? and remember just because it's day one again doesn't mean it's a bad thing.
living one day at a time sober is much better than drinking till you black out
living one day at a time sober is much better than drinking till you black out
Member
Join Date: Dec 2008
Location: Cocoa, FL
Posts: 27
Day 6 here, and welcome. This site has given me some much-needed venting and support this week. Not going back now...
I'm real secular and don't dig the meeting thing (not to say others haven't been helped tremendously by them). Reading about AVRT (google it) helped me a lot. I, like you, didn't drink what I would describe as an awful lot...just wine, and always at night. Used to be worse. My withdrawl, as a result, was not really that bad, but dealing with the pressures and frustration of life without the promise of alcohol is another thing entirely. Still wrestling with finding POSITIVE things to do with that time.
Every time I need a boost I come here and read, or post myself. It keeps the beast at bay, as it were, and redirects my moments of weakness into a more positive outlook. Real friendly folks here. Best wishes, and keep posting.
I'm real secular and don't dig the meeting thing (not to say others haven't been helped tremendously by them). Reading about AVRT (google it) helped me a lot. I, like you, didn't drink what I would describe as an awful lot...just wine, and always at night. Used to be worse. My withdrawl, as a result, was not really that bad, but dealing with the pressures and frustration of life without the promise of alcohol is another thing entirely. Still wrestling with finding POSITIVE things to do with that time.
Every time I need a boost I come here and read, or post myself. It keeps the beast at bay, as it were, and redirects my moments of weakness into a more positive outlook. Real friendly folks here. Best wishes, and keep posting.
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