FreshStart2008

Greetings

This is my first post on the board. Nice to meet you all and thanks for all your help. Binge drinker here. 4 days sober (5 days starts in 25 minutes).

I have been reading a lot about "lose the ego". I would have to admit that my EGO when drinking was large but I believe it must carry over from the drinking to the sober times. I am sitting here trying to write this while dropping the EGO and god is it scarry because I know that some people think I am an EGOtistical A-Hole when I drink. I believe it masks my insecurities and frustrations from trying to change things that I cannot.

So, what does "Lose the EGO" mean? It seems to me like it means that a recovering alcoholic should drop all defenses, denials, and thoughts caused by their drinking and start learning to re-think. Am I right?

God, is this scarry because when I think of dropping my ego, I feel scared of the world. Vulnerable. Defenseless. It makes me feel like the people in my life that have wronged me are right when I know they are not.

How long does it take before losing the EGO sees benefits? Because I feel really naked right now and so out of my skin that it is not even funny.

Horselover

Hi Freshstart and welcome to SR. Interesting question. I would venture that lose the ego might mean to think outside of yourself and believe me that can be a hard one for me. I don't know why, but it seems to be a common trait amongst us, this ego business. I don't think you will prove that others that have wronged you are right, but it might put you on a different level of thinking. I think we sometimes dwell on others perceptions of us too much or at least, I know I can be guilty of this. I think the more you reach out to help others you are helping yourself. I also believe when you count your blessings you are left with less time to dwell on your life's perceived shortcomings. You need to believe in a Higher Power of your understanding and trust that HP will handle some of life's difficulties for you. Some people believe the group of AA is their higher power and when they come together I am sure problems are solved. I personally believe in God and that's my HP. I turn things over to him on a minute to minute basis, but I sometimes forget and a close friend here will kindly remind me that I need to do that.

Have you heard of keeping your side of the street clean? Don't quote me, but I "think" that means to take care of yourself the best you can and not worry about what others are doing, saying, or even feeling about you because you have no control over that. You do have control over the way you handle your response to life's burps - so to speak.

Well that's my two cents and I hope you get more replies because there are many people here that much wiser then I. Hugs to you!

yeahgr8

I think that admitting you are powerless over alcohol and agree that you cannot stop drinking without external help is somthing that everyone has to admit before they start truly recovering. AA considers this important (so i have heard), or you could go the longer route, like me, and kick the **** out of yourself for years using alcohol, come to a point where you are deciding which way to end your life and finally hit rock bottom, you will find that your ego, or any preconceived perceptions of any of the potential solutions available to you for recovery, doesn't even figure in the equation anymore.

Sounds like you might be ready now to help yourself! Go for it:-)

BackToSquareOne

I don't think you can ever really lose your ego. Your ego is your conscious mind and how you view yourself and the world. A person with an overinflated ego feels superior to others.

To have no ego would mean you were non judgemental sort of like a robot or computer. Human beings have emotions and will always be judgemental whether they admit to it or not.

dionysianstupor

I think that everyone has an ego, and it is not necessarily about letting go of it entirely (although some people do aim for this), but about restoring balance so that some aspect of our ego isn't being overly domineering. We are only human after all, and it is not necessary to expect ourselves to be perfect. Maybe what we are learning in sobriety is how not to add fuel to the fire...There's no need to create extra drama, for instance, because life is already full of it!

There's a spiritual psychology book I'd like to recommend to you: 'The Enneagram of Passions and Virtues,' by Sandra Maitri.

I'm glad you posted this, btw.

dionysianstupor

Also, don't be too hard on yourself. People have have called you an "egotistical A-hole" when you drank (and I have been called "self-absorbed"), but that is not the complete picture. I think we have developed certain defense mechanisms to cope with certain situations which was once a survival strategy, but at some point they backfired on us.

Dean62

Welcome to SR and congratulations on 5 days of sobriety.
IMHO my ego is not caused by my drinking, it's the other way around.
MHO again but that your ego talking. Our ego's are concerned with the past, when I am able to be humble I don't worry much about who was wrong or wright.
Ego again. That is the way I understand it.

least

I think losing your ego means understanding that the heavens do not revolve around you and understanding that you're a part of the universe, not the whole thing. I think it means finding a balance between yourself and the rest of the world - you're neither too important nor not important at all.

endzoner

for me loosing or putting my ego away . was stop being so hard headed and askin for help which for so many of us IS a very hard thing to do . but once its done it helps us get thu so many tuff spots in our daily stuggles to maintain soberity .
Horsey.. you have it correct .. keeping our yard clean and how you decribe it . All we need to do is worry bout our own leaves, trash and debree. As long as im doing what I know is right , It dont matter what my neighbors think .
And congrats on day 5 it does get better , and easier .... Endzy

CarolD

It's possible to re shape ego's ..
I did by using God and AA

Welcome to SR....

Anna

Hi and Welcome,

It's good that you are lookinbg at yourself and your issues.

For me, books have always played a huge part in my life, and have done so in recovery. I have found Eckhart Tolle's book, "A New Earth" to be an amazing guide for putting your ego aside. It showed me, in a step by step way, how to 'be'.

Reminder

Hi FreshStart:

The ego is the "false self" as opposed to the "true authentic self". I don't believe that you can lose your ego, but you can marginalize it. When the ego is dominate, the true self is marginalized and vice versa. I just posted some thoughts to Arabella in the "What is recovery" forum so I will reprint them here for you:


Hi Arabella:

I wish you peace and contentment. The compulsion that won't go away and the feelings of guilt, fear, and wretchedness emanate from the same source - the ego. The ego identifies itself with wealth, power, strength, intelligence, beauty, youthfulness, pursuit of pleasure, etc. The problem is that all of those things are transitory, so when you start to lose the aforementioned, you start to lose your identity. The ego then becomes weakened and starts to turn on you. Negative internal dialogue replaces what once was positive. The ego, who used to be your best friend when you were on top of the world, has now become your own worst enemy.

What is the good news in all of this? The weakened ego provides an opportunity for the emergence of the true authentic self that was once marginalized when the ego was the center of attention. This is why pain and suffering often leads to enlightenment, but not always. The negative dialogue of the weakened ego provides an opportunity for you to put distance between you and your ego as opposed to the positive dialogue of the strengthened ego. It's very difficult to put space between you and your ego when it's telling you how great you are. The alternative is to be a shell of your former self. You may have stopped drinking, for the time being, but you still don't know who you are, so it's very difficult to not identify with the negative dialogue in your head. An alcoholic is what you are, but it's not who you are.


Peace.

Zencat

I believe some people think the ego is the same as selfishness. It that context the ego serves to cut oneself from others. Selfishness then would prevent one from receiving help from others. Meaning one is alone and alone one can do anything. A lonely and delusional way to live.

Reminder

I agree with you Anna. His insights on ego are very profound. My recovery plan was based on sufism, so I can relate to much of what he says.


Peace.

Jamzky

Hey there, you might like to read Eckhart Tolle's The New Earth or The Power of Now. It has a lot about losing the ego in a big way. It's about living in the moment and letting go to the higher power, or God, whatever you want to call it. It can be helpful. Makes you feel like you don't need to impress people or prove anything etc.
I could never use this advice when drinking cause according to the guy and I well believe it, drinking lowers your level of conciousness so you are just acting on whatever you think or can't stop thinking about one thing, you lose prespective totally when drunk. That's a bad thing really. leads people to suicide and fights and anything else.

Good luck on the journey

J