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YouveGotStyleKi 12-16-2008 10:34 PM

Balance - Just how important is it in early recovery?
My friend and I are starting to get the whole black cloud of, "I'm going to have to do this forever?" looming over our heads...

So, for you vets, how important is it to do things that are outside of recovery, especially since I'll only have 30 days tomorrow? We decided that we're going to hang out for a little bit tomorrow before we hit a meeting because we don't want it to be all gloom and doom, and I really think like, just hanging out like normal people instead of hitting a meeting and going home would really do the trick.

LaDita 12-17-2008 12:46 AM

"Only" 30 days tomorrow? That's wonderful!
Congratulations on getting this far!

I hear you on this one. I've brought it up myself and I believe there is a thread on what to do in early recovery...I'll have to go dig around for it.


mxchaos 12-17-2008 02:36 AM

for me it was really important to find new and healthy things to do, recovery to me means a healthy mind body and spirit and these things keep me sober. I still have some really unhealthy things going on in my life but I try to stay in the day,so for today I will swim catch a meeting and try to eat.

so mix it up try something new and have a great day

Anna 12-17-2008 05:58 AM

Balance is a huge part of recovery for me, really important.

I try to do something physical, mental and spiritual each day.

If I miss a couple of days, I always feel it.

I began taking long walks after supper when I first stopped drinking to get myself out of the house. The exercise alone was beneficial, but I found that my mind relaxed so much while I was out, and I have continued that routine.

tommyk 12-17-2008 06:17 AM

One day at a time can help with those "I'm going to have to do this forever?" thoughts.

30 days clean...! GREAT.

It is time for you to start sharing your ES&H with newcomers.

Your new purpose in life... show others it can be done?

YouveGotStyleKi 12-17-2008 09:45 AM

I've really been working hard. It isn't me so much, since this is my third time getting clean and I know my life pretty much has to be recovery at this point. I'm comfortable with that, but it's my friend's first time and I'm just wondering what I can do to make this person a little more comfortable.

scaredykat 12-17-2008 09:55 AM

Congratulations on your 30 days. I agree with Tommy "one day at a time" is all you got to do. It's helped me.

And definitely do the things you love as long as it doesn't effect your recovery.

Sugah 12-17-2008 10:21 AM

Whoa! Where did the "gloom and doom" come from? At thirty days (congrats, btw), I was just beginning to realize what a miracle it was that I was clean. Much cause for joyous celebration--of the non-chemical kind!

In the rooms, we do hear and talk about the hopelessness of addiction--but not hopelessness of recovery. Reminders are necessary, as we seem to have, in addition to the illness of addiction, faulty memories. Or good forgeters, whichever term you prefer.

The rehabs urge 90 in 90 as a means to reprogram our habits. I can't find any fault in that advice. So long as a sponsor is sought out in that 90 days and step work begins, it's a fruitful practice. Soon enough, life will fill up, bringing with it blessings and responsibilities (not that the two are exclusive) that may or may not allow for a meeting every day. Hopefully, those fellowship connections will extend outside of the rooms.

There have been many Sundays of football viewing, Thursday night poker games, and holiday dinners filled with our recovering/recovered friends from the rooms in my home. There have been van loads of folks going on road trips that don't have anything to do with a meeting at the other end (though I can't say that one hasn't sprung up inside the vehicle). Jobs, education, planting a garden, playing hockey, community service, love, family, pets, going on vacations--all happens outside of the rooms.

Close, committed attention to recovery, to taking the steps, to cleaning up the wreckage of the past and learning to live in the light each day sets the stage for all of these things. I wouldn't want to take my addict ego into a community organization. Hell, I'd either try to take it over, scheme to unseat someone, or stomp out in disgust. I sure wouldn't want to take my fears into a new relationship. Some things are quite literally require "on the job training," such as, well, jobs, raising kids (if you already have them), that sort of thing. Other stuff--hey, this is the perfect opportunity to learn to do things differently. Embrace it!

I went back to school two years clean/sober. I waited a semester to get involved in any organizations. I was fortunate to be able to wait the same length of time to become employed (I was wheelchair bound on disability when I got clean). Not all are so fortunate. But we go forward, use our program in all our affairs, and do the best we can.

Every moment of the day need not be spent discussing today's Just for Today reading, though ideally, those principles we put in our pockets through taking the steps will be brought out to apply to every moment, explicitly or implicitly.

Gloom and doom is 29 and a half days behind you now! Have a little joy in that miracle, will ya?

Peace & Love,

Freedom1990 12-17-2008 10:27 AM

I couldn't tell you how far I was into recovery before I found some semblance of balance, but I know it was years. As for doom and gloom, I never felt that way.

I worked the program like my a$$ depended on it because it surely did! :lmao

I had to establish a solid foundation in recovery before I could even 'think' about balance.

Heck the first year in recovery you either needed a spatula to get me off the ceiling or off the floor! :lmao

Mark75 12-17-2008 10:39 AM

I soooo get the balance thing. I like to do, and am fortunate to know how, many things, guitar, bicycle, ski, hunt, canoe... All of them don't need, and are better without, alcohol and pills.

But damn, I just am having a hard time getting outside of myself... I am 94 days C&S today. I thought for a while it was because of the shame/guilt thing. But that part of my early recovery seems to be easing. And, for sure, tommyk is right about the one day at a time thing when looking forward and thinking "I'm going to have to do this forever?" (jeez, my pulse races as I just type the words.... ok,breathe... serenity prayer, no... oh yea... "One day at a time", ah, yes, that's better...LOL !!)

So, let us know how you make out. I'm just gonna have to make myself do the fun stuff, maybe it'll still be as much fun... I'm trying to be hopeful.

Good Work on your 30 days!!


Mariposa18 12-17-2008 10:48 AM

First of all Congratulations on your 30 days =) That's great and you should be PROUD of that!

Well, I just got past my first 2 weeks and I'm on day 17, incredibly early, but something feels different. I was telling my Friend that I no longer feel like "Oh man, I can't drink!" Because really, we can if we choose to, but is it good for us? Nope. Will we be able to control it? Nope. So I now look at it as "I've made the choice to live my life sober" as opposed to feeling like I have no choice. Does that make sense? Realizing that I'm making this choice as opposed to looking at it as something I have no choice about has made me look at this totally different.

I went for a walk last night and felt amazing afterwards! I was working out almost daily and stopped when I began to drink heavily again. I forgot how good it feels to do something good for myself. I'm finally getting to a point where not drinking doesn't consume my every thought. I'm starting to want to take care of myself and my body again, to hold on to this good feeling and make it last.

You have to live your life and do what you love. Who the heck would enjoy living in solitude and not doing anything? I think that changing whatever you're thoughts are to a positive instead of negative really does help. Saying "I choose not to drink today" instead of "I can't drink today" , thinking "I will stay sober today" as opposed to "I won't drink today". I don't know if I"m making sense, but it's something that has helped me immensely the past few days.

Good Luck and Congrats again on the 30 Days~ Keep moving forward!

getr345 12-17-2008 10:52 AM


Originally Posted by YouveGotStyleKi (Post 2026247)
My friend and I are starting to get the whole black cloud of, "I'm going to have to do this forever?" looming over our heads...

So, for you vets, how important is it to do things that are outside of recovery, especially since I'll only have 30 days tomorrow? We decided that we're going to hang out for a little bit tomorrow before we hit a meeting because we don't want it to be all gloom and doom, and I really think like, just hanging out like normal people instead of hitting a meeting and going home would really do the trick.

This sounds like a good plan.

Last weekend, my friend (also recovering) and I played a little pool and ran some errands (just like normal people) BEFORE going to an AA meeting and when the day was all said and done, I felt that we both had a really productive day as friends and as people in recovery.

shaun00 12-17-2008 10:54 AM

30 days.....way to go.
You mentioned balance in your title so maybe you already have the answer?
The old timers would say to me "take your time"....."Tread sofly"

Try to remember your are recovering from an illness that wants to kill you
And will tell you "go to the bar your be fine"

Like any other major illness it take time and patience to fill strong enough to branch out a little.

For the first year i took very few bars or booze in the house...Etc...and a meeting at least once a week and regular contact with a sponsor.

These days its different...but it took time.

So.....tread sofly.....take little risk.....listen to your heart not your head..

Remember you are recovering from an illness that is only to happy to bury you.

Boring....nah....hold on tight...stay sober and your life will improve beyond your wildess dreams.

If it can happen for this old drunk it can happen for you........trucker

YouveGotStyleKi 12-17-2008 10:55 AM

As I said, it really isn't gloom and doom for me, but my friend is truly struggling with a lot of personal issues right now.

I'm just really looking forward to the day ahead. I get to pick up my 30 day keytag, I get to see some great friends, and Saturday is my homegroup's 11th anniversary. I have to be up at like 4 am, but I'm really excited because I get to see my friend Doug Bush who has 11 years clean, there's gonna be breakfast, fun, and most important... Fellowship!

Thanks for the advice everyone. I picked up my guitar for the first time in nearly two years, started writing again, and got some of my clean and sober (from birth) friends who are also musicians and decided to start the old band back up. Very excited.

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