Pain is pain....
CindeRella is proof that a new pair of shoes can change your life!
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: Spreading my wings
Posts: 7,163
Pain is pain....
Ok so I felt the need to write tonight...I know SHOCKER coming from me! 
December has been a horrible month for me for many years now since I lost my husband-(He was not an A) he was my life, my rock. I actually sat here today and thought about Alcoholics and Codies! Yup I did! Silly me!
IMHO and from learning more and more each day as I go through recovery ....it has simply amazed me that A's and Codies do not realize how much they have in common! Sounds silly right? I know the A's are thinking is this one nutz? She has no clue what it is like....
Actually.....codies and A's come from the same place the same homes, the same up bringing. It is just that we each seek out other sources to cover our pain! I know rocket science huh?!
I just wanted to point that out even though some may know this it is just a gentle reminder...so that we all know that we at SR are all here for one another! Please make your way to each forum and spread your ESH as I know I have seen others do in this forum so often!
SR is a great recovery source for all of us! If you take a minute and think about it.......we all are here for two reasons....pain and relief!
And I love it this place and love you guys for the support you show to others! Keep moving forward!!
December has been a horrible month for me for many years now since I lost my husband-(He was not an A) he was my life, my rock. I actually sat here today and thought about Alcoholics and Codies! Yup I did! Silly me!
IMHO and from learning more and more each day as I go through recovery ....it has simply amazed me that A's and Codies do not realize how much they have in common! Sounds silly right? I know the A's are thinking is this one nutz? She has no clue what it is like....
Actually.....codies and A's come from the same place the same homes, the same up bringing. It is just that we each seek out other sources to cover our pain! I know rocket science huh?!
I just wanted to point that out even though some may know this it is just a gentle reminder...so that we all know that we at SR are all here for one another! Please make your way to each forum and spread your ESH as I know I have seen others do in this forum so often!
SR is a great recovery source for all of us! If you take a minute and think about it.......we all are here for two reasons....pain and relief!
And I love it this place and love you guys for the support you show to others! Keep moving forward!!
Member
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Upstate, N.Y.
Posts: 4,639
Hi Rella. Great post. I totally agree with you. It doesn't matter what your recovering from. We all had the same pain, fears, heartbreaks. I actually was just talking to my husband tonight about Al-Anon. I don't know why but I get confused what there about sometimes. I feel like I'm the enemy to them sometimes. I know I shouldn't but can't help it sometimes. 
~miss nikky~
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: windsor gardens, south australia, australia
Posts: 1,984
great post rella
me im codie, druggie an would be alkie too if i picked up booze
too easy
an you r so correct...it all about pain
i came from a family of alkies, liars, abuse an codependance
dad boozed an beat the hell out mum n me an my sister
mum lied for dad an never protected us from his violent tirades
my sister left home at 15 when i was 8, becoming a nude waitress as im sure it was the only way she felt adored.
i was kicked outta home 4years later at 12years of age into the streets
then began my using life from which i found no relief until 14years ago at age 22, even then i only managed through NA to get a year up at age 30 until just recently when i became sick n tired an went to rehab as u know i am now 95 days clean today......
my cousin was 35 when he hung himself from full blown pain of alcoholism
an my partner died from hanging himself in 2003 from psychosis from meth addiction
PAIN?
hell yes its all about pain
brave post i commend you for it babe
me im codie, druggie an would be alkie too if i picked up booze
too easy
an you r so correct...it all about pain
i came from a family of alkies, liars, abuse an codependance
dad boozed an beat the hell out mum n me an my sister
mum lied for dad an never protected us from his violent tirades
my sister left home at 15 when i was 8, becoming a nude waitress as im sure it was the only way she felt adored.
i was kicked outta home 4years later at 12years of age into the streets
then began my using life from which i found no relief until 14years ago at age 22, even then i only managed through NA to get a year up at age 30 until just recently when i became sick n tired an went to rehab as u know i am now 95 days clean today......
my cousin was 35 when he hung himself from full blown pain of alcoholism
an my partner died from hanging himself in 2003 from psychosis from meth addiction
PAIN?
hell yes its all about pain
brave post i commend you for it babe
IO Storm
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: Southern California
Posts: 18,436
Rells. 
You are an inspiration..no whining or complaining, even when I know you are hurting.
You walk in grace..and, I think I know what you are getting at here.
Onward...and thank you.
You are an inspiration..no whining or complaining, even when I know you are hurting.
You walk in grace..and, I think I know what you are getting at here.
Onward...and thank you.
~miss nikky~
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: windsor gardens, south australia, australia
Posts: 1,984
Originally Posted by yeahgr8 
Yawn just woke up...reached for the laptop...
Please please someone please tell me what a codie is, i have google it, phoned a friend...it is driving me nuts!
Thanks
Please please someone please tell me what a codie is, i have google it, phoned a friend...it is driving me nuts!
Thanks
someone who always seeks out relationships of one kind or another, either in a sexually gratify obsession or in rescuer obsession or any other form of unhealthiness i guess
friendships are chosen by codies that gratify that persons neediness
usually most addict/alkies have codie traits
its a lack of love thing from childhood usually
does this make any sense?
hope so
OMG everything's real
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: England
Posts: 4,020
Codie is short for co-dependant.
I couldn't agree more that they are the same thing. I went from being a codie to an addict/alkie in the space of a week. What happened? I lost my addict boyfriend!!
I couldn't agree more that they are the same thing. I went from being a codie to an addict/alkie in the space of a week. What happened? I lost my addict boyfriend!!
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,469
Hi Rella,
This is a great thread.
I am a codependent/alcoholic.
I was codependent for decades before I began drinking. I was a lost soul and a control-freak, as I tried so hard to hold my world together. I was always the wife, or mother or friend. My mood depended on my husband's mood or my kids moods and when I was alone, I was miserable and scared. Unfortunately I had no clue that I was codependent, nor how to heal myself. I became very depressed and eventually turned to alcohol to help me sleep, so that I could have more energy to try to control the people in my life. What a mess! I became an instant alcoholic and began to recovery. Only after some time in recovery did I realize that my problems stemmed from codependency and no sense of 'self'.
This is a great thread.
I am a codependent/alcoholic.
I was codependent for decades before I began drinking. I was a lost soul and a control-freak, as I tried so hard to hold my world together. I was always the wife, or mother or friend. My mood depended on my husband's mood or my kids moods and when I was alone, I was miserable and scared. Unfortunately I had no clue that I was codependent, nor how to heal myself. I became very depressed and eventually turned to alcohol to help me sleep, so that I could have more energy to try to control the people in my life. What a mess! I became an instant alcoholic and began to recovery. Only after some time in recovery did I realize that my problems stemmed from codependency and no sense of 'self'.
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,526
Rella, thank you for sharing about the pain you feel this time of year. My heart goes out to you. You're so right, we're all here to try and ease our pain and band together to fight against hopelessness. SR has been my salvation, and Rella, you have been a huge part of it. I'm going to try and do as you suggested, visit all the forums and spread what hope I can. (I very rarely venture out of "Newcomers".)
CindeRella is proof that a new pair of shoes can change your life!
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: Spreading my wings
Posts: 7,163
*tears* you guys are awesome!
Amazing how recovery has given me strength to be happy with myself and to be alone without being unhappy. POWERFUL and HUGE!
Covering my pain is something I always knew how to do well!
as I have come to know in recovery it is best to air it out with those you can .....I know that my HP has a plan for me and as a good friend here has told me time and time again this is my "In between" however when the "In between" gets longer than we have hoped it is then we still need to hang on and reach out!
Having grown up with A's all around me and my mother doing the best that she could with the poor hand she was dealt it was heart wrenching to feel so unloved growing up and that was what brainfried nailed on the head! Although we all seeked out different means for our pain we are all here because of "lack" of something in our lives!
Recovery has shown me to have compassion for those around me that I never thought I could! I came here angry and hating A's because of what they did to my life....the reality is I was the one doing and creating my own chaos in my life! I continued to allow my own pain because I did not know any better, today I do. And A's they too have had a hard life filled with pain just like me! It took a long time to come to realize that and work through the anger.....I was my own worst enemy-I had choices just like anyone else and I did not make the right ones for myself.
Today although I'm living in my girlfriends home, job less (cannot find work), having issues with the current man in my life, missing my family etc....I know that I'am truly blessed because I honestly believe there is a plan out there for all of us...we just have to keep reaching forward! It is out there
SR is a huge part of my life and so grateful for all of you! This time of the year especially reaching out to each other is what keeps us filled with hope, love and strength to move forward. Let's remember that when we see posts of others who struggle.
Love you guys! Thank you for sharing on this thread!:ghug
Amazing how recovery has given me strength to be happy with myself and to be alone without being unhappy. POWERFUL and HUGE!
Covering my pain is something I always knew how to do well!
as I have come to know in recovery it is best to air it out with those you can .....I know that my HP has a plan for me and as a good friend here has told me time and time again this is my "In between" however when the "In between" gets longer than we have hoped it is then we still need to hang on and reach out! Having grown up with A's all around me and my mother doing the best that she could with the poor hand she was dealt it was heart wrenching to feel so unloved growing up and that was what brainfried nailed on the head! Although we all seeked out different means for our pain we are all here because of "lack" of something in our lives!
Recovery has shown me to have compassion for those around me that I never thought I could! I came here angry and hating A's because of what they did to my life....the reality is I was the one doing and creating my own chaos in my life! I continued to allow my own pain because I did not know any better, today I do. And A's they too have had a hard life filled with pain just like me! It took a long time to come to realize that and work through the anger.....I was my own worst enemy-I had choices just like anyone else and I did not make the right ones for myself.
Today although I'm living in my girlfriends home, job less (cannot find work), having issues with the current man in my life, missing my family etc....I know that I'am truly blessed because I honestly believe there is a plan out there for all of us...we just have to keep reaching forward! It is out there
SR is a huge part of my life and so grateful for all of you! This time of the year especially reaching out to each other is what keeps us filled with hope, love and strength to move forward. Let's remember that when we see posts of others who struggle.
Love you guys! Thank you for sharing on this thread!:ghug
IO Storm
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: Southern California
Posts: 18,436
Thanks Rells for opening up..and Anna, your post could ..in so many ways, be mine.
I was married to an alcoholic..in total denial that he had a problem, and suffered
much abuse. I told no one. I lived a double life...the Sunday School mom, the
singer who led the praise and worship in the church services..riding home with
my girls happy and singing, only to be called names and later more horrors
when the door closed and the lights went out.
I started to drink after my son was born, shortly before I left..just wine. A book
for nursing mothers encouraged it. Both baby and I got a little tipsy. That is
how it started. When I left...I remember being drunk, curled up in a corner of
my apartment..hugging myself and crying, saying "I am not a bad person!"
Over and over..and "God..where did you go, why didn't you help me?"
I went into full blown alcoholism..wrecked an auto and was in treatment in
two years. My first rehab.
I know now..it wasn't God's fault. I just knew nothing of denial or codependence
or alcoholism. Or choices.
If only...
But we can't go back in time. I accept and am grateful for my experiences.
Thank you Rells, for this thread.
I was married to an alcoholic..in total denial that he had a problem, and suffered
much abuse. I told no one. I lived a double life...the Sunday School mom, the
singer who led the praise and worship in the church services..riding home with
my girls happy and singing, only to be called names and later more horrors
when the door closed and the lights went out.
I started to drink after my son was born, shortly before I left..just wine. A book
for nursing mothers encouraged it. Both baby and I got a little tipsy. That is
how it started. When I left...I remember being drunk, curled up in a corner of
my apartment..hugging myself and crying, saying "I am not a bad person!"
Over and over..and "God..where did you go, why didn't you help me?"
I went into full blown alcoholism..wrecked an auto and was in treatment in
two years. My first rehab.
I know now..it wasn't God's fault. I just knew nothing of denial or codependence
or alcoholism. Or choices.
.I was my own worst enemy-I had choices just like anyone else and I did not make the right ones for myself.
But we can't go back in time. I accept and am grateful for my experiences.
Thank you Rells, for this thread.
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