exgirlfriend

Hi all,
I am just writing to introduce my self. I just found out my ex boyfriend i have been with on and off was lieing to me. He told me after six months of dating he had a cocaine problem and that he was getting off it. I found out two days ago that he never stopped. I feel like such a fool. He makes good money so he will never hit rock bottom. I can't seem to forget him or move on cause he has called me a bitch, ****, loser, stupid, sick in the head so many times i feel i cannot do any better, plus i do not want to walk away, i could never forget myself if something happened to him. I also can't stand the thought of him hating me but he is getting to the point that he will not talk to me, or phone me. I told him a couple days ago that i knew everything and he was not welcome near me or near my apt but now i want him here. I am so scared to move on, why can't he love me

ericamay

Welcome! Well, I don't really know where to start. I am 25, and been through a very abusive (verbally and physically) relationship in the past and I felt similar to you. No matter what he did or said, I always went back for more because I couldn't picture my life without him and I loved him so much. But I can tell you right now hun, this man is NOT what you need in your life, even if you want him, and think you could never love someone again as much. TRUST me, you will!! When I finally moved on, I went out with friends a lot, spent time with family, and eventually got together with my current boyfriend who is wonderful. I know he has made you feel like you are nothing, but in reality, HE feels like nothing, and wants to drag you down with him. If he does not want to get help for his drug problem, he wont- whether you are in his life or not. Try try try your hardest to focus on yourself, and just move on!! if you don't, you will be absolutely miserable for a VERY long time. Then it will end anyway, and you will have lost months or maybe years of your life with an IDIOT. I'm sorry to be so harsh, I just don't want the same thing to happen to you as it did me. I would bet a lot of money you are a smart, funny, beautiful, kind person. Don't let anyone tell you different! Pray for strength and courage, and you WILL receive it. We are all here for you. keep posting and we will be here to support you. Stay strong!! You deserve better!

Jadmack25

ericamay has said it for me. Do not treat your xb as God and whatever he says about you, as Gospel truth. He is just a user, loser and abuser and needs to put someone down to feel better in himself. Tell yourself you are happy and grateful that you do not have him messing with your head and life any more, eventually you will realise it is true.

Keep coming here and getting in touch with real people, and it willl strengthen you.

God bless

least

Your ex bf is a habit, you just need to replace that bad habit with a good habit - living without the lies and abusive treatment. You don't deserve that crap. Work on getting yourself healthy without him and his lies and abuse. You cannot change him, you can only change yourself and how you react, or don't react, to his behavior.

He's treating you like dirt - you deserve better. Be kind to yourself and let yourself heal from this unhealthy relationship!

:ghug3

lostbutterfly

Abusive relationships only get worse. Been there, got the t-shirt (also fell in love with an addict). And the horrible b*stard is still the love of my life, but we are no longer together.

Get away from him and allow yourself to heal from the verbal battering he has put you through. Get help if you can - I know, it is hard to stop hearing his voice in your head and believing all the stuff he has said.

Pam08

I can so connect with being dependent on another person. I have been that way for years, and even though I have been lied to, cheated on, physically abused, verbally abused, controlled, I am still there. I am now years into the relationship and married. Take my word, mine didn't start out this bad, it gets worse as time goes on. Get out and save yourself, mentally and physically before you lose yourself. I have never heard of it getting better.

I have now having to get my life not only in order and start living a new sober life. I also have to eventually deal with that part of my life when I am stronger mentally to do it sober.

You deserve love and respect, not abuse. Please be kind to yourself!
Keep posting you have our support here.

ANGELINA243

Please get out/get away from him now (especially while he is pushing you away)! As others have shared you do deserve alot better--you deserve to be treated with kindness/respect...you deserve to be happy! I do see some codependecy issues here...you may want to look more into it to help yourself. Melodie Beattie Codependent No More is a good book. You are better off being without him/alone right now than being verbally mistreated or abused. You don't need anyone else to estimate what you are worth--you do have value.

CarolD

It's not about you and him
It's all about cocaine and him.

Not all loves are forever
and this one is toxic for you.

Let's see...he lies...verbally abuses you...he uses an illegal drug.
I think your a lucky woman to be an ex....

chick3

Run, Run, Run!

I was with a very controlling man in my mid-20's. He was well educated, charming, good-looking, etc. He made me feel like I was worthless, my self esteem was low. It took a while...with time and counseling, I was able to make the decision that I was worth more! You can do it, I guarantee you will be happy that you did.

whereami

I must add to this the point of view of the "after" ...it took a while for me to realize that he was "no good"...I wrote diary letters that i never sent him and as a matter of fact felt so much better one day after another when I started the No Contact rule...there is a great site you can read about it. It really helped me realize how important my actions were in controlling how long I would grieve. It is up to you when you want to be happy because the longer you drag it on the longer he controls your mood. Also visit the local library and drift through the shelves, not only will you find some great self help books but it helped me sooo much to get into reading again. Also if you are looking to renew who you are try new genres like cooking, yoga and gardening to really get into your new hobby with a bang! I know it sounds corny it did to me to-at first and then one day at a time it got easier until I filled my life with things that are important to me. It will be ok because we have all been there and we are there for you. The leaves on your tree have been prunes and are ready to grow anew, allow yourself the time to heal but grow and for goodness sakes water yourself every day with new things, people and ideas, we love you and support you! Hang in there and it is o.k. to post when the hard days hit and the good days start we will be here waiting...We believe in you and in time you will believe you don't need anyone but you...when someone is truly worth your time then you can decide if you aren't too busy. Oh and buy a gorgeous dress and find a reason to wear it...That always helps! Love ya girl-hang in there-

shaun00

hi and sorry to hear of your torment.
Plenty of ladys on here to give you sound advice.
but one thing i thought id mention..........for me and only an opinion but i dont believe that money has anything to do with hitting bottom.
For me rock bottom is a state of mind......i have two friends both are rich in terms of money and both are in recovery..
Both have never done teatment and both use AA like me....
One of them considered taking his own life......even though he had seven figures in the bank.
recovery is an inside job same as rock bottom..................trucker

flutter

Maybe in the scheme of things HE is your DOC (drug of choice) in a way.

Take some time away, see how you feel. Try new things, reconnect with family and friends that you've not been connected to.

Eat good food, get some exercise.. just get in a good place for a while, and then think about it. Maybe your perspective will change?

Oh, and he can't love you because he likely doesn't care for himself too much right now. His relationship is with cocaine. I hope you both come out of this in a positive way.