LaDita

Sorry everyone, this is kind of a two-for-one here.


I think one of the biggest blocks to my staying sober (as of a year ago, I have not been able to stay sober longer than two weeks, before that it was much shorter) was fear of having a new life.
I've had one foot in A.A. and the other foot out for the last two years.
I've been too afraid to fully climb aboard A.A. because I feared it would be boring, sterile and bland. I'm afraid of the stigma of being part of a 'cult'.
I don't know how to socialize with people while sober.


I have held back telling my friends (or the ones I have left- who all drink to excess) that I can't go out with them anymore (and to do *anything* with them is to go out and drink). The rare times I have gone out with them and not drink, they're practically in convulsions by the end because they're jonesing to go to a bar.
I can't go on Myspace or Facebook anymore because everyone of my friend's status says something to the extent of 'I'm going out to a bar'. Sometimes just even seeing these people faces makes me want to drink because of the association.
I live in a town where pretty much the only fun for people is go out to a bar.
Even during the monthly Art Walk (where you get to go to all the Museum's in the city for free) there is complimentary wine (my drink of choice) EVERYWHERE.
It seems with everything that's fun to do here, there is some element of alcohol present. Nice restaurant? = HUGE wine list!
And I have not yet mastered being able to go to a bar or other situation where there is drinking and not drink. I've tried and I've done it before but I usually end up being bored, having a panic attack or giving in to the first drink.

But I need to socialize!

The only other option is to completely surrender myself to A.A.
I have issues with going to meetings all the time. I have issues with going to the meetings at night because I feel really amped up afterwards and can;t sleep from the coffee or have alot of my mind. Many of the night meetings are in area's I don't feel safe or have alot of horny young guys which I find irritating and distracting and they seem to be the only ones who will talk to me!

The morning and afternoon meetings are great, but by the time evening rolls around, I'm bored and I simply forget that I'm trying to quit drinking.
I know what the answer to this is, is to call people in A.A. and see if they want to do something, but it's been alot of my experience that they're too busy or untrusting of me because I can't seem to get thirty days together.
I lost a dear friend in A.A. over my constant relapses, and there seems to be this wariness of newcomer's, though I totally understand.

I can't just sit at home alone in front of my computer every night.
Does anyone have any suggestions for what they did for fun in early sobriety?

Thanks alot!

mxchaos

I joined the YMCA. It's healthy and gives me something to do. Think about things you like and look for ways to do them during the hours that your bored and wanting a drink.

good luck and take it one day at a time
A sober life feels so good

Rusty Zipper

LD, in early recovery, my issues had issues...

so i put all of my effort in building up a good recovery foundation...

as i was working on that, fun just started to happen...

good wishes LD

rz

least

I can't really address your issue as I've never had much of a social life and always drank at home alone. I'm just happy I'm not waking up sick and hungover and spending all my time drinking all day. Relearning how to socialize when sober is just one of the many life changes we have to make to continue our sobriety. Give AA another try til you find meetings you like and feel comfortable with. Each meeting is different so try several before you decide whether to go back or not.

You CAN socialize sober, it just takes a bit of work getting used to it.

doorknob

Hi Dita,

I go to a few AA meetings, but in no way have surrendered to it. Here are a couple of other meeting options for the Seattle area:

LifeRing F2F Meeting List

States

Peace,

DK

tommyk

Fear of the unknown is the greatest fear of all.

And 99% of the time - totally unfounded.

Just for today... don't worry about tomorrow, next week, and next year.

Anna

I think your fear is normal for people who are beginning recovery. It's hard to face such a big change in your life.

But there are so many things to do.

Why not meet your friends for coffee instead of in a bar? In the evenings, there are usually lots of courses you can take in your community such as yoga, art, whatever interests you. I also got back to reading which I gave up while drinking. Just be patient with yourself and things will work out.

coffeenut

It really depends on how bad you want to be sober.

All of us here can identify with what you are saying. Each of us, in our own way, is learning that a sober life is MORE fun than being a drunk.

One moment at a time. Welcome to SR.

Taking5

Not a bad idea. There is plenty of social life in AA IMHO.

This is not a real friend or IMHO, even a good AAer. Our duty is to always be there for the newcomer, regardless of how many relapses you may have had. Now losing SPONSORSHIP is different. Are you really sure you lost a friend, or lost a sponsor?

In any case, try AA with everything you have. You can always walk away later if you like.

LouLou629

HI! You sound alot like I did like two years ago! Can I first ask: Why do you want to stop drinking? Has your life become unmanageable because of alchohol? I started to think about quitting two years ago when I was 23- Prime age for drinking and partying and all the fun was going on around me for everyone else..but my fun with booze was always short lived...the initial buzz into drunk stage was fun- then I would blackout and God only knows what happened after that.Anyways..I knew I couldnt handle my lifestyle as it was but couldnt even think about not drinking. So for two years I waffled in and out of AA..going a few weeks without then slowing starting back on the same path. I hated the meetings..I hated the horny letcherous guys, I wouldnt dare say " hi Im an alchoholic" becaus edeep down I knew I would be drinking again sooner than later and I lived in Tahoe city which was had a fairly small everyone knew everyone party scene and god forbid a self proclaimed Alchoholic was seen stumbling out of a bar. Anyways..fast forward a year and I move to another small town. At this point I cuold hardly handle myself when drinking- always got wasted and sloppy and slutty and blacked out. I hated the guilt and anxiety that would floow my hangover for days but I couldnt stop right? Then I tried AA again... this time I decided to really try it..I went to a womens only meeting..and walked in still hungover and sceptical-sat there and listened and something clicked. I was home. It has not been easy always, and I know what its like to be young and have all of your "friends" party all the time and I wont lie , alot of my " friends" still dont get it. I have made new friends though- and most importantly I love myself and am really enjoying spending time on myself and my well being and sobriety. Its amazing how I feel so free and as much as I can look around and see people my age partying and having fun.I know for me its not like that . The fun was over. Now I have real fun laughing with people and enjoying yoga and reading and art and music and movies and good food and loving my family and my dog and my boyfriend and not being sick and hungover and depressed. You have to decide firstly how bad you want to be sober, because I can assure you life is sooo good without alchohol. I never thought it could be..but each day gets better. Its so cool how many other things I have discoverd that I am passionate about and want to do with my life now that I am not clouded with booze. You would be suprised how many really smart fun sucessfull and beautifull women suffer from this disease. Be open to recovery- find a good womens meeting and keep going wether your bored or not. be open. listen. wait for the miracle.