Emily2002

Just finished trying to explain this to a friend here on the boards, and thought it might be a good idea to bring up for others experiencing the same...

I'm having trouble devoting enough time here on SR to further my recovery, especially during the times I most feel the urge to drink. This is when my husband and kids are home, and they -- whether knowingly or not -- make me feel guilty for spending time online. That's when they want MY attention the most...

Also -- I don't want to make too big a deal out of needing SR during those times, because I don't want them to become too curious and start poking around to find out what I've written. I constantly feel like I have to become the "stealth poster."

I'm concerned too, about being able to keep my "NewLeaf" identity secret, because I still haven't figured out how to stop message alerts from being sent to my outlook box ("deleted" box now, at least because I figured that out). I thought I'd unsubscribed but apparently I didn't! If they know I'm NewLeaf -- I don't want them reading all my posts...

Anyway -- I guess I'm asking how you keep your relationships here safe and apart from the ones you share at home.

scaredykat

Hi Newleaf. I'm sorry your worried about your family finding out who you are. Myself i don't have that worry with my husband. I guess he just respects my privacy. I don't know.

If you go to the edit options and go down to the Default Thread Subscription Mode.
Click on "no email notification" and see if that works.

Take care.

Astro

Hi NewLeaf,

That's a tough one, asking family members to respect your privacy. Have you asked them directly "when I'm online working on my recovery I'd like a little privacy"? Nothing wrong with asking politely, privacy is something that everyone deserves. In the meantime please check with Morning Glory or a moderator about getting those message alerts turned off. Hopefully there's a simple solution.

It's not a big secret that my fiance is a moderator on SR, although she hasn't been here lately due to career and family responsibilities. Bottom line though is that I have nothing to hide from her in my posts. I'm here to continue working on my recovery, being as rigorously honest as possible is part of my program. If she questions me about a post, or vice-versa, it's probably good for our relationship to talk it over.

I've also had a few friends from my AA group post here. We understand that it's a public forum, and mutually respect each other's anonymity.

Emily2002

Thanks, SK. I'm actually less worried about my husband than I am about my kids (four teens) being curious. Just not sure.... I followed your suggestion and unsubcribed again -- perhaps it'll work this time.

And Astro -- thanks for your post too. It's not like I really have anything to hide, it's just that I feel like I can be totally honest -- bounce things off of people here -- if I know no one's reading who's too close to me. I don't want any of them to take things the wrong way.

I've had discussions with my husband and kids. My husband, in particular, seems to be in a bit of denial. Don't think he really gets what I'm going through or trying to do. Don't think he wants to lose his drinking companion. Either that, or I'm sending mixed messages. Still trying to figure that out. Short of standing on top of the rooftops and announcing to EVERYONE that I'm an alcoholic -- I simply don't know what else to do.

All I know is that I need and want to share with people who understand. People who won't keep trying to convince me that I can just have "one" or that I "deserve" it.

I SO want to be where you two are... Maybe if I keep plugging away at it! AND continue to be honest.

Harley3801

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Hi NewLeaf . . . .

As far as your family making you feel guilty about your time online . . . Can you set a specific time period (6:00-7:00 PM, for example) or a certain amount of time each day (an hour or whatever you deem necessary) that you will spend online. Let your family know that you need an hour (or however long you feel you need) a day that is just for yourself and during that time you will likely be online and you won't be accepting any interruptions.

Everyone is entitled to their own personal time . . . and if you haven't done that before, it may take a while for your family to accept that. If you stick with the timeframe that you promise them and it isn't excessive (i.e., another form of addiction), they'll likely get used to it.

Astro

I didn't get to that point overnight either! Patience and perseverance. Progress, not perfection. Sounds like you're doing pretty well at all those things

bumble2008123

I like the idea of designating a set time nightly for "you" time. No disturbances, no hassles. You deserve easily more than that, but it's a start good luck!

getr345

In a nutshell, my wife does not know about this site and my screen name is totally random. Plus I'm online enough anyway that my wife is just used to seeing me with the computer. I access the SR website by doing a Google search for my screen name, then I log in and post away. When I am done using the computer, I use a privacy freeware program called Ccleaner to cover my tracks and truly wipe the history. I do not use my actual name and I am careful about the details I post here but the fact is, if somebody who knew me started reading my posts, they would probably know it's me.

Dee74

I think a little 'you' time isn't that much to ask for Liz, whether you spend it here at SR or not

Good to see you around tho

And yeah - you can turn off email notifications

User CP (up at the left on the toolbar at the top of the page) > edit options > messaging and notification...
and away you go!

D