Somebody tell me what to do?
 

Hi, I live with my husband & kids! My father in-law just moved in with us & he drinks about 13 beers a day! We have talked to him about his problem, he had this problem years ago & his doctor told him to stop or die & he stopped. This was way before I became part of the family. we have told him it isn't good for the kids to see him drink so much & that we would like him to stop. He said he would slow down & that he could stop for a few days, but now he is drinking more & hiding the beer from us. He starts as soon as he gets & now drinks when we are a sleep or not home. He is the only person I have to watch my kids & because of his drinking I have had to avoid doing things so he doesn't have to watch my kids. He yells at my kids for the dumbest things & they don't want to be around him. What can I do? He still has own home, I feel we should tell him to move back. Please someone tell me what to do. My husband is a very quite person & is not much help!

Your kids should come first.
He's drunk, and sneaky with it - he's abusive, and they don't want to be around him?

Find someone responsible to watch the kids.
Send him home.

D

What you do is up to you and your husband. If I were in your shoes, I wouldn't be leaving my kids with someone intoxicated. Who watched them before he came to live with you?

Is he there because he needs care? If so, perhaps you can arrange for in-home care for him (in his home). Depending upon his income, it might not cost anything. You can contact your local Agency on Aging to see what's available in your area. I see you're in Pennsylvania. There are many state-funded programs that can help.

Short of having him declared incompetent, there's not much you can do to make someone stop drinking. Not if he doesn't want to stop.

Peace & Love,
Sugah

Sugah took the words out of my mouth. You can't help someone that doesn't want it.

Just a quick example. My mother left home because I'm an addict. She has Crohn's disease. Granted, she's in pain. But that doesn't mean she needs to kill 120 Roxicodone 30s in a matter of two weeks. That's almost 10 a day, when she took 3 Lorcet 10s a day for 8 years without a problem. Every time I see her, her pupils are like pinpoints, she has no care about what she says to me or how she says it, and she's even gone as far as to quick taking other LIFE SAVING medications so she can afford her pain pills... Sound like an addict to you? God forbid I tell her though, because I'm the one with the problem...

I also suggest you tell him he should leave honey.

I am wondering why he's living in your home if he has a home of his own? I agree with those who say not to let him watch your kids. Certainly not! If he's drinking all day every day and yelling at them for 'dumb stuff' he's not fit to watch anyone. I don't know why he moved in with you but if it were me, I'd try to get him back in his own home. You've got kids to think of, you don't need an alcoholic living with you and exposing your kids to his irrational behavior and attitude.

:Val004:

Yes exactly. I would tell him to move back to his own place. You don't need to subject your kids to that.

UNBELIEVABLE - the amount of damage you are doing to your children is amazing, you might as well be taking them down to the local bar and leaving them with the local drunks...get rid of him!

Completely on your side but you cannot ignore this or else your kids will see this sort of behavior as acceptable along with the shouting etc and you may end up raising a violant drunk adult and there are enough of them around...

think of your kids!

Talk to your husband about it!
Explain to him how you feel and all of your concerns!

It is your husbands responsibility to tell his father, if you drink, you are out.

You and your husband are enabling your father in law.

My parents refused to protect me from an adult who was hurting me when I was a child. So, not only did I feel the repercussions of the abuse, but I have struggled my whole life from a sense of being abandoned by my parents.

Don't kid yourself that your father-in-law's behavior is not affecting your children. It doesn't mattter how bad his drinking is or if he admits it or if he can stop. Or even if your husband agrees with you or is willing to do anything about it. What matters is that you know it's not good for your kids to be around your father-in-law.

Protect your children. If you don't, who will?