helpme1242008

Hi everyone,
I'm new to the forum, but not new to the idea of wanting/needing to quit drinking...I have been drinking for many years and longest I went without beer was 3 months. I have been to AA meetings a couple of years ago and I think I only went about 8 times total.
I feel like I "sort of" hit rock bottom last night...I did drink and I drank alot. Well, I got to the point of sadness I almost wanted to die....literally wanted to not to be here anymore. It really scares me that I was near the point of thinking about it.
Just a month and a half ago both my husband lost our jobs, since then I have been drinking every other day. I feel so empty inside, he can't collect unemployment for another 5 weeks and no one has been calling him for a job interview. Next week, we are going to see a lawyer because we know that we are going to lose most of the things that we worked so hard for the past 18 years...so we have to file chapter 7.
The bill collectors are ringing our phone off the hook, I can't believe that we are in this situation. I used to get happy when I would put the little check marks next to the bills that were paid for the week.
We also have a motorcycle/scooter and we totally love riding together....plus we just bought a boat and only took it out twice and we are going to lose that as well. This month's bills are starting to roll in again and I still need $1000 to pay the lawyer to start our bankruptcy. I feel like I'm burning my candle at both ends.
I'm sorry that I sound like I'm having a pity party but I just need to talk about it. My poor hubby puts up with my up and down mood swings and he barely even drinks, so he really has no escape. He used to drink but not so much anymore, I'm so proud of him, I wish that I had control like that.
He just came in and asked me who I was writing and I told him a message board because I'm too embarrased to be truthful with him right at this minute because this scene seems all to familiar to him.
I'm not embarrassed to be here with all you wonderful people infact I feel very thankful that I found you guys tonight. I don't know what the future has in store for me, I just wanted to come in here and share little piece of myself and ask for help.
Thanks for taking the time to read this and God Bless You!

Hevyn

Hi Helpme. It's totally understandable that you're looking for some relief from all that's going on. I always fell back on drinking when faced with a crisis. The trouble is, this is the time you need to be clear-headed, so you can make plans without falling apart. It's such a temptation to give in to the emotions, but it only makes it harder on you. I never saw it that way until I got sober - every time something bad happened I'd reach for my anesthesia. I thought of it as my savior, but it ony made me weaker and unable to cope. In the end, things became way more complicated then they needed to because I was only going through the motions of my life, not taking part fully the way I should have been. Congratulations for coming here and wanting to make things better for yourself. You can come through this without the alcohol. Please let us know how you're doing.

Anna

Hi and Welcome,

I hope that you and your husband are successful in your job search very soon. Don't give up looking, something will turn up. It's unfortunate that you have to go the legal bankruptcy, but hopefully you will be able to rebuild things soon.

I used to think about dying when I was drinking too. The thing is, alcohol is a depressant, and it sure caused me problems with my emotions. I know you will find things easier to deal with, if you're sober.

I hope you keep reading and posting.

helpme1242008

Thank you Hevyn and Anna your words mean the world to me.
XOXO

Horselover

I just had to say something to you H. Welcome to SR first off and I am glad you posted. You are definitely faced with a lot and I am sure you know drinking will make it so much worse. You have to write these things down and go through them step by step so you don't become even more overwhelmed. If you believe in a Higher Power now would be the time to start talking with that HP. Things will get better. Glad you joined this site. Post whenever you need to. PM me if you need to and if I'm not on I will get back with you as soon as I am.:ghug3

Jakey

Thanks for sharing Helpme! You are in a tough spot no doubt but I think you would agree that drinking isn't going to make anything better and it could make things even worse. You will find all kinds of support here so please stick around and read as much as you can, you will find out that there are lots of others here going through similar problems.

I know it has to be hard right now but try and stay as positive as you can and eventually things will turn around for you. Good luck!

BUTTERFLY-7

T

helpme1242008

Thank you Horselover and Jakey....I will definetly be reading alot of the posts on here.
XOXO