Support for those without a group.
I got nothin'
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: My house.
Posts: 4,890
Originally Posted by doorknob 
she needs to get a clue and stop tryin' to sabotage your game.
Oh, well...I know she's not doing those things to be mean...I'm not really sure how her mind works...been trying to figure that one out for years.
I need to try harder, or maybe I could hire someone to sit on me every time I get a craving.
I got nothin'
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: My house.
Posts: 4,890
Originally Posted by TryingSoHard
Hey Bam,
No, my mom does not know. Doesn't know I've quit drinking, doesn't know I have a problem, doesn't have a clue. I'm not going to tell her, either. I mean I'm not going to tell her about my addiction problem - I'm going to HAVE to tell her I've quit drinking, I just haven't done it yet. Because her first question will be, "How come?" and I have to seriously plan out what my response will be. So, I can't really gripe too much that she keeps asking me to go for a drink, because she doesn't know that she shouldn't, but GAH it's still hard on me.
No, my mom does not know. Doesn't know I've quit drinking, doesn't know I have a problem, doesn't have a clue. I'm not going to tell her, either. I mean I'm not going to tell her about my addiction problem - I'm going to HAVE to tell her I've quit drinking, I just haven't done it yet. Because her first question will be, "How come?" and I have to seriously plan out what my response will be. So, I can't really gripe too much that she keeps asking me to go for a drink, because she doesn't know that she shouldn't, but GAH it's still hard on me.
I know everyone's experience is different, but look where being honest with my mother is getting me!
I’m sorry about your situation. When you tell people that you no longer drink/smoke/whatever, they look at you as though you have lobsters crawling out of your ears. Have you thought of what you might tell her? Maybe the classic, “I’m living a healthier life by cutting out the junk. As a result, I feel so much better.”
(going on a tangent here…I do that a lot…) I never bought the claim that having one drink a day is good for your heart. Alcohol is strictly a poison. Skip the wine and eat a piece of fruit. Sorry…(tangent over)
Best of luck, TSH. Keep us posted on your mom.
I'm just a little unwell
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: USA
Posts: 2,219
Yeah, I've thought about what to say... problem is, no response is ever good enough for her. She's one of those people who just keeps asking questions even when they have all the info they need. I think the proper term for it is "nosy"! LOL She just never lets anything drop, especially where I am concerned.
If I just tell her I quit because I wanted to, or because I thought it would be healthier for me, or because the sky is blue... she'd follow up with a million other questions ("Oh, what made you decided you wanted to?" or "Healthier how? Are you sick?" or "Well what if the sky was gray, would it be ok for you to have a drink then?"). I don't know why she is that way but she just is. So it's not that I don't have A RESPONSE, it's that I know my response won't be "sufficient" and she will ask a million questions after that, and I don't have a million OTHER responses! AND I don't need that freaking stress. Just accept, "I decided not to do that anymore" and move on, ffs!!!
And no way could I tell her I quit because I'm addicted to it. That would just open a can of worms that no one could EVER get under control. *shudders at the thought*
If I just tell her I quit because I wanted to, or because I thought it would be healthier for me, or because the sky is blue... she'd follow up with a million other questions ("Oh, what made you decided you wanted to?" or "Healthier how? Are you sick?" or "Well what if the sky was gray, would it be ok for you to have a drink then?"). I don't know why she is that way but she just is. So it's not that I don't have A RESPONSE, it's that I know my response won't be "sufficient" and she will ask a million questions after that, and I don't have a million OTHER responses! AND I don't need that freaking stress. Just accept, "I decided not to do that anymore" and move on, ffs!!!
And no way could I tell her I quit because I'm addicted to it. That would just open a can of worms that no one could EVER get under control. *shudders at the thought*
I got nothin'
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: My house.
Posts: 4,890
Originally Posted by TryingSoHard
If I just tell her I quit because I wanted to, or because I thought it would be healthier for me, or because the sky is blue...
LOL. I'm going to have to steal that one from you. The next time any person asks me why I'm doing anything, first I’ll say, "Because the sky is blue," and then I'll walk away. I love being random and nonsensical.
Hang in there, TSH.
By the way, why did it take you 5.5 hours to get to your hotel (...other than the sky being blue...)?
peaceful seabird
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: floating
Posts: 4,822
TSH,
Maybe try this after you order your water instead of a cocktail. If your mom asks why, tell her "i am trying to do something healthier, you should try it"
If you end with trying to do something healthier for yourself, it leaves the focus on you. It invites her to question you about your choices. By recommending she try it, you possibly shift the focus to her.
Then if she still asks why you need to try healthier choices that exclude alcohol, you can tell her she would not understand. Leave it and let her change the subject.
Or you could tell her the truth and you might feel liberated. Then ask her for her support. Stop the cycle of endless questions with "I don't have all the answers, just doing this for me."
Maybe try this after you order your water instead of a cocktail. If your mom asks why, tell her "i am trying to do something healthier, you should try it"
If you end with trying to do something healthier for yourself, it leaves the focus on you. It invites her to question you about your choices. By recommending she try it, you possibly shift the focus to her.
Then if she still asks why you need to try healthier choices that exclude alcohol, you can tell her she would not understand. Leave it and let her change the subject.
Or you could tell her the truth and you might feel liberated. Then ask her for her support. Stop the cycle of endless questions with "I don't have all the answers, just doing this for me."
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,443
I'm still rooting for the honest approach LOL
No, it doesn't make much difference with parents like Bam's, or mine - mine refuse to accept the reality their son is an alcoholic - not much I can do about that.
But I didn't alcoholically 'come out' for them, I did it for me.
If I'd left any trace of an escape clause - if I had anywhere or any group where I could still drink and not be hassled about it - chances are very good I would have.
So I told everyone, and I'm glad I did - for me, it was the right thing to do
D
No, it doesn't make much difference with parents like Bam's, or mine - mine refuse to accept the reality their son is an alcoholic - not much I can do about that.
But I didn't alcoholically 'come out' for them, I did it for me.
If I'd left any trace of an escape clause - if I had anywhere or any group where I could still drink and not be hassled about it - chances are very good I would have.
So I told everyone, and I'm glad I did - for me, it was the right thing to do
D
Member
Join Date: May 2008
Location: NY
Posts: 6,608
"If I'd left any trace of an escape clause - if I had anywhere or any group where I could still drink and not be hassled about it - chances are very good I would have.
So I told everyone, and I'm glad I did - for me, it was the right thing to do"
Ditto this for me too Bam. People may not have believed me either, but I'm not pressured into having alcohol and that's good in my eyes. I can't say, "Well since they don't know . . ."
So I told everyone, and I'm glad I did - for me, it was the right thing to do"
Ditto this for me too Bam. People may not have believed me either, but I'm not pressured into having alcohol and that's good in my eyes. I can't say, "Well since they don't know . . ."
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 31,179
(((TSH))) I had to laugh about "the sky is blue". I actually believe honesty is the best way to go, but I understand where you're coming from.
(((Bam))) Crack is my demon..back in the day, I've been around it, didn't do it, only to obsess about it for a day or so and give in. It's easy for me, now, to stay away with it. Maybe let mom get her OWN stuff the next time?
(((Bam))) Crack is my demon..back in the day, I've been around it, didn't do it, only to obsess about it for a day or so and give in. It's easy for me, now, to stay away with it. Maybe let mom get her OWN stuff the next time?
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,781
I'm in also. I try to make it to my home group once a week, but this will also do nicely.
I like this "group/non-group" thingy. I can do face to face, but I can also do monitor to monitor. And with this 'group' my dogs can sit in on the meeting too.
We don't have much snow yet in Ohio but I'll gladly trade you some snow for some sun. I hate winter.
I like this "group/non-group" thingy. I can do face to face, but I can also do monitor to monitor. And with this 'group' my dogs can sit in on the meeting too.
We don't have much snow yet in Ohio but I'll gladly trade you some snow for some sun. I hate winter.
I'm just a little unwell
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: USA
Posts: 2,219
Originally Posted by Dee74
anyone want to send me some snow?
(It will be pretty just for the day, but I am a summertime girl for sure. This cold weather crap is killing me!)
Member
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: England
Posts: 1,981
What a great thread.
I haven't told anyone except my partner that I am an alcoholic. He thinks I'm not a real one as I don't drink in the morning I give up.
But I am wondering now having read your posts if telling people woul help me to stay sober. I don't mind people knowing If I am sober but would be so ashamed if they knew and was still drinking. Need to give this some thought I think.
It's a very cold and frosty morning here but no snow thankfully. The good thing about winter is that spring follows.
I haven't told anyone except my partner that I am an alcoholic. He thinks I'm not a real one as I don't drink in the morning
I give up.But I am wondering now having read your posts if telling people woul help me to stay sober. I don't mind people knowing If I am sober but would be so ashamed if they knew and was still drinking. Need to give this some thought I think.
It's a very cold and frosty morning here but no snow thankfully. The good thing about winter is that spring follows.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: somewhere, SD
Posts: 177
Just kill yourself, then you don't have to worry about anything.
Unless you have ****. and/or are made of money. Then people here will pay attention to you.
Notice all the thread responces.
If you're not up for killing yourself, you can always suicide by cop; act like you are pulling out a weapon so they shoot you. Probably doesn't feel super good, but it most likely goes away quick.
Unless you have ****. and/or are made of money. Then people here will pay attention to you.
Notice all the thread responces.
If you're not up for killing yourself, you can always suicide by cop; act like you are pulling out a weapon so they shoot you. Probably doesn't feel super good, but it most likely goes away quick.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: England
Posts: 1,981
Anodyne I just answered your other thread. SR is quiet on the weekend so it can take sometime before you get a response. It doesn't mean no one cares.
You are clearly very angry.
I hope you find some help soon. Pixy
You are clearly very angry.
I hope you find some help soon. Pixy
I got nothin'
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: My house.
Posts: 4,890
Originally Posted by Anodyne
Just kill yourself, then you don't have to worry about anything.
Hello, Anodyne.
I hope you're still around. Hang out here for a while and post. I'll be on and off here throughout the day. Please give a good friend or someone close to you a call.
not a greeter
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: padmasana
Posts: 13,927
Morning Bam and all.
I still maintain that keeping busy is one way to stay alcohol free. What will you be doing today? I'm off to a yoga class or 2, then maybe shopping at the warehouse club (walking happily and easily through the liquor section on way way to bakery and dairy). Then... I spose I should start decorating for Christmas.
I still maintain that keeping busy is one way to stay alcohol free. What will you be doing today? I'm off to a yoga class or 2, then maybe shopping at the warehouse club (walking happily and easily through the liquor section on way way to bakery and dairy). Then... I spose I should start decorating for Christmas.
I got nothin'
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: My house.
Posts: 4,890
I'll probably be shopping too...for groceries. After that, who knows? I'm flying by the seat of my pants today.
Last night I made it! I didn't drink! I need to repeat that today! I'm trying!
Oh, this is going to be tough...
Last night I made it! I didn't drink! I need to repeat that today! I'm trying!
Oh, this is going to be tough...
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