First post
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2008
Location: Southern NJ
Posts: 3
First post
This is my first post. Found the site through doing some searching on *****, obviously I'm/was looking for help.
My story. It seems like every week I reach a breaking point, but that point gets worse or exceeds the last. I've always denied it but I know for sure Im an alcoholic and have a severe gambling problem. It doesn't help that I work in the nightlife/casino industry either. As much as I'd love to and want to leave the industry, it pays the bills and pays very well. This job though seems to be ruining my life, who gets done work at 4 am then drinks til 7/8 am sometimes longer, and then add the gambling/poker to the mix its just a sick sick cycle. I can go weeks sometimes not bring home a dime after making 1500 over a weekend of work. Then after I come home after drinking or gambling it a big shot of nyquill to knock me out then sleep the entire day away. Outside of work, I can go w/o going out or drinking but when I do, I cant stop. Ill try and say I'll just have a few then it turns into a brutal hangover the next day. Then you talk to your friends and laugh about how much you drank. Who's proud of drinking to get blackout drunk?! Thats the sick pattern I've grown acustomed to. Then I always use the excuse I'm single have no kids no one to answer to so I'm not hurting anyone, but thruth is i'm dying inside. Then I get from friends/family who say how jealous they are of my job from the lifestyle/stories/girls/$ etc. etc, and I always say you have no idea how bad it sucks. Then the sleeping patterns are horrible, its 630 am and am still awake from yesterday. Sorry for rambling but I needed to get that off my chest for about 5 yrs! There's so much more...
My story. It seems like every week I reach a breaking point, but that point gets worse or exceeds the last. I've always denied it but I know for sure Im an alcoholic and have a severe gambling problem. It doesn't help that I work in the nightlife/casino industry either. As much as I'd love to and want to leave the industry, it pays the bills and pays very well. This job though seems to be ruining my life, who gets done work at 4 am then drinks til 7/8 am sometimes longer, and then add the gambling/poker to the mix its just a sick sick cycle. I can go weeks sometimes not bring home a dime after making 1500 over a weekend of work. Then after I come home after drinking or gambling it a big shot of nyquill to knock me out then sleep the entire day away. Outside of work, I can go w/o going out or drinking but when I do, I cant stop. Ill try and say I'll just have a few then it turns into a brutal hangover the next day. Then you talk to your friends and laugh about how much you drank. Who's proud of drinking to get blackout drunk?! Thats the sick pattern I've grown acustomed to. Then I always use the excuse I'm single have no kids no one to answer to so I'm not hurting anyone, but thruth is i'm dying inside. Then I get from friends/family who say how jealous they are of my job from the lifestyle/stories/girls/$ etc. etc, and I always say you have no idea how bad it sucks. Then the sleeping patterns are horrible, its 630 am and am still awake from yesterday. Sorry for rambling but I needed to get that off my chest for about 5 yrs! There's so much more...
8
Member
Join Date: Dec 2008
Location: MA
Posts: 25
Welcome...you have taken the very first hard step. You've said it "out loud". You've been honest with yourself. That took me so very long and felt great when I finally put it out there (just this past Monday). Hang in there...keep thinking...keep working at things. Lots of people care here...
We Do Recover
Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: Texas
Posts: 2,619
Originally Posted by sosicknj 
I'm single have no kids no one to answer to so I'm not hurting anyone, but thruth is i'm dying inside.
Welcome! Glad you are here!
You will find much support here. I will say one thing though...you are hurting someone--you are hurting yourself. You don't have to continue..there is a way out. And as far as jobs are concerned....I've had to switch jobs because I too worked in a toxic environment. You know what...all my bills are paid plus I have been sober now for well over 9 months which never would have happened had I stayed there. Admitting you have a problem--getting honest with yourself about your addiction is a huge step in the right direction. I hope you will hang around here awhile....keep posting.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2008
Location: Florida
Posts: 469
Welcome to SR, you have alot of support here. You have admitted to yourself and to others that you are an alcoholic, that is the first step. You can do it...with the type of employment you have might make it very difficult, the temptations. If you haven't tried AA, you should try and go..not to one meeting, but try a few, AA is keeping me sober.....Keep posting and reading here at the forum, you can make connections with others just like you, and get a whole lotta support..
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2008
Location: Southern NJ
Posts: 3
Thanks for the words of support/encouragement. Today will be cake will be with family all day and night. Its just tommorow night and sat night at work. It's beyond to easy just to have a sip, then that turns into 2 3 4 drinks. Then your customers are slippin you drinks. It was never like this, I was always to scared to drink at work because of possibly getting caught then fired, but we have our ways of getting around cameras and the bosses. Sometimes its almost like a game, and it sometimes well most of the time something to numb the pain of not liking my job or something happening that particular night. Then I get done work and everyone will go to the bar for a drink after work, their mostly all sober but I'm already drunk......Anyway thanks for the comments again, sorry for the rambling it just gets stuff off my chest.
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